Best viewed at www.iamlanders.com

So yesterday Bert and I headed off to the airport to collect the Von Trapps, otherwise known as "his family.'

- His mother and father and their three foster kids (14, 12 and 10 months)
- His younger sister and her husband and their three kids (9, 6 and 22 months)

With Bert and I it makes twelve.

Twelve in the house, half of them children.

I have to be in work at two as sadly I have no holiday time left. Gutted. *ahem*

There was this many last year but I don't remember this much noise. It's very surprising how quiet this house is now they'll all gone off to Galway for the day. The only noise is the light hum of the dishwasher and gently loud breathing snoring of Hillie.

Right, off to work. See you later... possibly. I may finding a place to hide.

We have the internet back on at home. Turns out that it's a problem with the router, not that UTV will admit that, they'll expect us to buy our own new router. Fuck it!

I have a shiny new hard-drive on my Mac. 320gb. Arrived just in the nick of time as last Thursday my old hard-drive packed up. I lost some stuff, nothing major. Thanks to wonders of Apple I've got all my bookmarks, contacts and calendar info back. You know, all the major stuff, all the stuff that means I can go on living. Fuck it!

Work tomorrow. A long day. 8am to 9pm. No doubt I'll be asked to work with Beej and they'll be no point saying no as when I say "asked" I really mean "told." Fuck them and fuck him!

I have nothing constructive to blog and am far from in the mood to anyway given that I spent most of last night lying awake staring at the ceiling wondering if I'd ever get to sleep. Fuck it!

Isn't it incredible the amount of thoughts a mind can have in so many short seconds. I like it to slow down so I can make sense of them. Fuck it!

How did you discover that you could do that thing with the condom?
The brother of a friend did it one night in Spain. As soon as I saw it I thought "I can do that!" so I tried and the rest is condom snorting history.

Strangest place you've ever had nookie?
On a traffic island in Tamworth.

Where in the world would your ideal place to live be?
Galway Bay

When are you coming to visit?
Soon - I hope! Probably next year some time.

What book in the world would you most like to have written yourself?
House of Leaves. I read it in '99 and absolutely loved it. It's one of the strangest books I've ever read but if you stick with it it's fantastic.

What do you dislike most about yourself?
My body hair. Couldn't give a flying fuck about being fat although it does annoy me at times, but my body hair actually depresses me.

Would you run over a dog to avoid hitting a policeman?
I've sat and thought about this one and I just don't know. I'd like to say no, I'd avoid the dog but I think in reality I'd more than likely hit it, but I do know I'd be far more upset about the dog than the copper.

Why did you get rid of the sparklers?
The same reason I change most things on my blog... I got bored with it.

Do you have any tattoo's or peircings?
Yes. I have four tattoo's and four piercings.

If someone scared a badger and it bolted, and you had to run at the same time, do you think the badger or you would tire first?
I would tire very quickly.

How old were you when you had your first kiss?
My first "proper" kiss was when I was 12.

Where do you see yourself in five years time?
Getting pissed off at the management of whatever airline I work for.

What started you blogging?
I'd been writing an on-line diary for years on my own personal webspace but it was such a hassle to upload it all that I only wrote about once a week. A friend introduced me to Live Journal so I started using that. I still have it and write it now and again. I found Blog.co.uk because I got pissed off at Live Journals URL for my journal. At the time it wasn't very user-friendly... something like www.livejournal.com/members/users/fullusers/profullusers/realusers/accounts/journals/usernames... and so on. Very shit. So I typed "blog" into Google and that same day became a "Founder Member" of blog.

What are you most proud of?
I found this one very hard to answer as I don't know what I'm most proud of.
- I'm proud of passing my AA2 with Dale. Without him I wouldn't have, no matter how much he and Rach tell me it's all about "team work!"
- I'm proud of actually moving to Ireland as I'm very much a mommy's boy.
I think I actually get more proud of other people than myself. Such as I'm proud of Brad for the way he stands up for what he believes, I'm proud of my dad for the stuff he does for charities and I'm proud of my mom for still being here and sane with everything she's been through. There are so many of my friends I'm proud of as well.

What is the most memorable moment in your life where you have walked away afterwards thinking "Oh hell yes!!!!!"?
Getting a standing ovation for playing Seymour in a production of "The Little Shop of Horrors"

What's your favourite tee shirt?
Oooooh I have many favourite tee's. It's all about the logo baby. One says "Today I am a princess" and another says "Ass Hole" then I have one that says "Yes, this tee-shirt has the word cunt on it, it also says fuck, shit and machine washable!" but it's in small letters at the back. I don't think I could pick ONE favourite.

If you and Brad were stuck in the north pole with no food awaiting rescue, would you save yourself and eat him or make the ultimate sacrifice?
I think I'd wait and see which one of is popped his clogs first. If I do then Brad can eat me, if he goes I'll eat him.

Have you ever had any threesomes?
Yes.

What do you want to know?

As a blog friend, I'm giving each of you the opportunity to ask me one question about me.

I'll try my best to answer every one, but reserve the right not to.

Before we went to the airport we stopped in at Mr & Mrs Duggans to drop the dogs off and have a coffee. Ruairdhrí and I played with scissors and bleach while Helen made coffee and chatted with Brad.

The journey to the actually airport was one of the most annoying trips along that road... Ever!

The car in front decide it didn't like travelling at 100kmph, which was the limit for that road, but would rather travel at a speed between 70 and 80kmph but even then he kept hitting the breaks for no good reason! Before anyone says it, I know it's a 'limit' not a 'target' but in Ireland nearly every road has a hard shoulder and we get lovely public service announcements on the tevalision telling us that if we're going slow or the car behind wants to pass then pull into the shoulder. Did he? Did he m' hole! Bastard stayed where he was! The road from Claregalway to Shannon isn't the straightest and at rush hour even when you find a spot to overtake there is usually something coming the other way! Cunt! Finally I got passed him only to end back behind someone else like it a few cars later. This happened all the way to the airport and even at the airport we got stuck behind a car crawling along obviously trying to find the car park and then driving straight past it!

Once in the airport and through check-in I finally managed to relax with a pint and stare at the US G.I.'s.

Sorry for the blurred picture but Brad took it on his iPhone and he's not quite used to it yet. Also he had to take it without them noticing for fear of getting shot and that was proving difficult as the airport was FULL of them! Some of them were cute but some of them were just vile! I'm sure one of them was actually Fatima Whitbread! A lot of them were sadly no other than fourteen.

Herded on to the plane like cattle we sat on the back row as I was too impatient to wait for the older lady with calcified hips to get up the stairs at the front.

The flight wasn't that bad but the pilot was either in rush due to us being late or was still training as we took off at a rather steep angle and only ever did right angles when we turned. We bounced down the runway at Birmingham. Quite literally.

So now it's the next morning, I had a lovely sleep and woke up at stupid o'clock and I'm wondering if I should bugger off to Wal-Mart with Scoobs and just leave him to sleep.

It's been a while since I've done a meme so thought I'd do one now.

Seven things you will find in your room.
I didn't know if this meant bedroom or the room I was sat in so I went with room I was in.

1. Plants
2. Pictures
3. Blackberry Yankee candle
4. Clock I made.
5. Television
6. Stereo
7. Me!

Seven relationship questions.

1. Do you like anyone? - I like a lot of people.

2. Does someone like you? - I'm sure someone does.

3. Last kiss? - Hasn't happened yet.

4. Been lead on? - Often.

5. Been cheated on? - Once or twice.

6. Want a relationship? - Depends on the type.

7. Want to get married? - At some point.

Seven other things – Do you:

1. Believe in God? - No.

2. Had a dream come true? - No. (Do you had a dream come true? Who wrote this?)

3. Read the Newspaper? - I have done in the past.

4. Get enough sleep everyday? - Mostly.

5. Have a best friend? - More than one.

6. Take a bath daily? - No.

7. Wish on stars? - No.

Seven “Have you ever's:

1. Fallen in love? - Yes.

2. Kissed someone of the same sex? - Yes.

3. Hooked up with someone who had a BF/GF? - Yes.

4. Been to a Bonfire? - Yes.

5. Ran away from home? - Yes.

6. Played strip poker? - Yes.

7. Pulled an all nighter? - Yes.

Seven things in the last 24 Hours. Have you:

1. Cried? - No.

2. Had fun? - Yes.

3. Been kissed? - Yes.

4. Felt stupid? - Christ Yes! Stupid Polish woman!

5. Talked to an ex? - No.

6. Missed someone? - Yes.

7. Listened to music? - Yes.

Seven things on your mind:

1. Flights
2. Ashley
3. Renato
4. Saturday
5. Tuesday
6. Wednesday
7. My eye

Seven things you couldn’t live without:

1. Brad
2. Friends
3. Family
4. iPhone
5. Car
6. Air
7. Blood

By now some of you will have received your marvellous super-smashing-great free compact disc from me, full of hip, happening and kickin' choons!

Okay, so in reality some of you may have received the CD with some songs on it.

If you haven't had yours yet don't worry, it's coming, I have ran out of printer ink been a tad busy with work. Of course it could be your post!

Although I did you a nice cover (well I think it's nice - see below) and have given you a track listing I'd like to give you a bit more information about the tracks here.

If you'd rather have a surprise then bookmark this page and come back to it when you've got your CD, if you're not all the bothered then read on.

If you haven't already done so there is still time to request a CD. If you have then you don't need to do it again. If you haven't asked and you'd like one then email your address to iwouldlikeacdplease@gmail.com. You have until Wednesday. After Wednesday no more of this CD will be available and I'll be starting work on CD2.

So, the tracks...

Josh Ritter - Girl in the War.
I'm quite a new fan of Josh Ritter having only discovered him on my trip to Kilkenny and this comes from the album 'The Animal Years' which is full of great tracks and I can highly recommend it. I'm sure I'll put some more of his stuff on future CD's.
"Pretend the dove from above is a dragon and your feet are on fire."

Kansas - Carry on Wayward Son
A great 70's rock ballad that I used to love, then forgot about, and then found again thanks to that new fangled flicker box called tevalision! I'll admit to being one of the many fans that used to think it was called 'Carry on MY Wayward Son' when it's not but when you hear it I think you'll forgive me. A fact for you - this track is used to recap the season in every season finale of the hit TV show Supernatural. (oooh Dean!)
"I hear the voices when I'm dreaming."

Depeche Mode - A Question of Lust
I love Depeche Mode and I think it's my affection for them that lead me to love Erasure when Vince Clarke left and formed his new band with Andy Bell. Given how much I love Erasure I'm surprised I haven't put any on! This track is the second Depeche Mode single to be released with Martin Gore doing the lead vocals and not Dave Gahan. Gahan is a great vocalist but there is something quite haunting about Gore's voice that I adore.
"Be gentle with me, I'd never willing do you harm."

Bond - Duel
I might sound a bit pretentious now but if you've heard the track I hope you'll know what I mean. The following is what goes through my head when I listen to this track, which I hope, given the title of the track, that it goes some way to what the writer (a Croatian) wanted. As it starts I take the initial thirty seconds to be the introduction to a battle. From thirty to fifty seconds is introducing me to the contenders and at fifty seconds the first one takes his shot. It's the image of a musical battle that stays with me for the rest of the song. I absolutely adore how from fifty seconds to one minute ten seconds there is one version of the medley then at one minute ten seconds the same medley is heard but the instruments have swapped roles. I love this track from start to finish.

The Killers - Human
I wasn't going to put this on as it's not a fantastic song but it is rather good. What changed my mind was a radio interview with a guy who has written a book about the worst song lyrics ever. This song is included in the list because of the line "Are we human or are we dancers?" I must have spent thirty minutes texting the station without hearing it read it out as it's not a bad lyric if you're in the know! The author should have done his research! Face Dancers (or just Dancers as they often got called) were shapeshifters in the Dune universe written by Frank Herbert. The often took on the form of humans to take out the leaders of various factions and the only ones who could detect them were the Bene Gesserit. Those that weren't used as spies or killers were entertainers. The song makes sense when you know this and it's obvious that the gorgeous Brandon is asking if we're humans with our free will or are we impostors, just doing as we're told.
"Pay my respects to grace and virtue."

Simon Webbe - Grace
I was never a fan of the group Blue that Webbe was a member of. I've got nothing against boy bands but there was something about Blue that just bored the shit out of me. I've never particularly liked any of the solo stuff any of them have done either apart from this one. There is something about it that means I can't help but sing along. All of his other stuff is bollix though!
"And in all of the confusion you're the peace in my soul."

Thin Lizzy - Whiskey in the Jar
When it's 4am and you're pissed, among the myriad of songs you could tell from the introduction this has to be one of the most memorable. The initial guitar is haunting and once heard, as proven by those drunken nights, it's never forgotten.
"I took all of his money."

The Veronicas - Untouched
I decided I had to include one shit song and this is it. The beat is excellent but the words are... well... ermm... shit. The writer(s) appear to have very little writing ability and it's shame given the that the rhythm is so good.
"I don't give a damn what the say or what they think."

Billy Idol vs Pink - Pink Wedding
As you've probably gathered from the title this is a "mash up" - a mix of two or more different songs. This takes Billy Idol's White Wedding an Pink's Get The Party Started and turns them into a dance floor/gaybar classic! There'll be a mash up on every CD I do, as well as a shit song (like the one above) and sometimes they could be both. Of course, now I've said that I can assure I'll forget to put either on the next CD!
"I'll be burning rubber you'll be kissing my ass."

Alanis Morissette - No Pressure over Cappuccinos
I shall be honest and say this is on here for Brad. We had the lyrics painted on the wall of our first bedroom together.
"Is it just me or is it hot in here?"

Kings of Leon - Use Somebody
I don't know what it is about the Kings of Leon. They aren't really all that good but this songs is great. I think it has a lot of passion and feeling to it and, again, it's another one I sing along to all the time. The words are also fantastic!
"Someone like you and all you know and how you've been."

Fleet Foxes - Mykonos
I. Love. This. Guys. Voice! As a group I think they are world class an I'm very much looking forward to seeing them in concert. I could listen to this track over and over again. Brad made a trip to see the painting the album artwork came from when we were in Berlin as a copy once hung in his school. I decided a nice glass of red was more important and Ma joined me as we sat on put the world to rights. This track will always remind me of that time. Just the two of us sat talking about anything and everything... and then heavens opened!
"And you will go to Mykonos."

The Polyphonic Spree - Lithium
One thing that really bugs me is seeing twelve year olds coming out of school wearing Nirvana tee-shirts and not having a clue who Kurt Cobain was. I wasn't a dedicated fan who spent four years in black when he shot himself but I did like quite a lot of their stuff. The Polyphonic Spree do a top class version of Lithium and I hope it's people like this that keep Nirvana's music going rather than ignorant prepubescent pram-faces who think Che Guevara was famous for wearing hats and being on tee-shirts! I predict a riot!
"I'm so ugly but that's okay 'cause so are you."

Chris Isaak - Blue Spanish Sky
I find it almost impossible to believe that Chris Isaak is 53. That is all. I'm too upset to say any more!
"I knew the words but I sang them wrong."

Peter Gabriel - Solsbury Hill
As with Whisky in the Jar this is another intro that is easy to pick up even if it does remind me of the theme tune to LA Law, a programme I used to love! I wonder if that's why I think this track is so good? My parents never liked Peter Gabriel or Kate Bush and I think that's why I like them both so much! Ooooh I'm such a naughty rebel!
"Eagle flew out of the night."

Rod Stewart - Maggie May
When I was growing up it always felt like you had to be over 18 to like Rod Stewart. As it was my mother would blast out the hits from her gramophone while she was dusting and hoovering on a Sunday morning. I used to get a little upset about having to go to church because I wanted to stay and listen to this music! Instead I had to suffer hymns and prayers!
"I know I keep you amused but I feel I'm being used."

So there you have it. Don't forget, it's not too late to request. See the instructions at the top!

Dermot Ahern is Irelands Minister for Justice and Law Reform. He and the government have just introduced the facility for queers in Ireland, like me and Scoobs, to register our relationship. They are calling this a "gay marriage" and/or a civil partnership. It's shit.

If I asked my mother to write something like this she would. This mother wrote it without being asked.

Dear Mr Ahern,

My name is Helen Doody, you have already received and failed to reply to a letter that my own son Declan sent to you a week or so ago. So like any good and decent parent I am now trying to get you to listen to and protect my child – it is the very least that any mother would do for her own children.

I read Declan’s email and everything he said to you in the e-mail was true. He had a very tough time growing up in Abbeyfeale, I can still picture him crying in the mornings before he went to school because he was afraid of the people who were going to be waiting for him – bullies who would beat the living daylight out of him, people who crushed the very spirit within him. I tried numerous times to help him, I spoke to teachers, to the parents but the problem got a quick-fix but a weeks later it just continued on.
Declan was always a very shy and quiet boy but as the bullying continued he became more and more invisible. His Dad and I spent nights talking about him, wondering would he go to school in the morning, would he come home that evening with a ripped jumper or would his school copies be destroyed, we tried so hard to get him the help he needed but as the bullying continued, he started to shut his family out.

All of this began to change however the day Declan came out to me. I am not going to pretend that I handled it like a saint, it is a shock to the system, you don’t think about your child being gay, you just assume they are straight and when Declan told me I didn’t know what to do. I thought I had done something wrong, I thought it was my fault, I really thought that this was it for my son, when people started to find out that he was gay his entire world would turn into a living hell but it didn’t.
Over the coming weeks he began to change, I finally started to see him smile again and there was something different about his heart too. I saw my son reach a very dark and lonely place at the age of 16 but even at his lowest my son, had the courage and strength to come out and say he was gay.
He went to college with a new look on life, he finally seemed to be enjoying himself and it was only then I realised that there was nothing wrong with Declan. If my son was happy, if he was no longer worried about what other people thought about him then I knew that there was nothing wrong with being gay.
For many years he had kept a secret from me and his family because he thought we would reject him, like so many people had done to him before and now at the age of 23 he has graduated with a degree, a higher diploma and a masters. He has become the fine young man that his father and I are so very proud to be able to call our son.

When I heard on the news that gay people would now finally be able to register the relationships like any married couple I finally thought things had changed and I suppose many other people around the country like me thought the same. However I have now realised that what you plan on doing is nothing short of telling the gay community that they are still not equal. You will not tell my sons that they are not equal to their brothers, friends and the rest of society. Your Civil Partnership Bill is not good enough for my family, and hundreds, thousands of other families in this country. I might not be the smartest person in this country but even I can tell you that this bill is all but worthless and will only further the opinion that gay people are not the same as everyone else.

I have been there for all my sons when they have had their hearts broken by girlfriends and boyfriends. I helped them pick out gifts on Valentines day and shopped around for a Tux for the Debs. I have met boyfriends and girlfriends, I have liked some and been frosty to others. I have thought about each and every single of them getting married to someone that they love and who will love them back as much as I do.

I have six sons Mr Ahern, six very beautiful boys who became six very beautiful and upstanding young men!

Two of my boys are gay. Four are straight. Two are firemen. Two love playing video games. One loves to cook. Three of them love cars. Five of them have had their tonsils out.

All of them are my sons.

You have the power to change this country so do the right thing and change this country for the better, wake up and realise that there is still time to clean up this mess and give gay couples the same rights as straight couples.

I am asking on behalf of my gay children, their gay friends, my gay friends, my family, I am asking you as a member of this country, as a taxpayer but most of all I am asking you as a mother, to help my children and revise this Bill so everyone in this country can be equal.

Yours truly,

Helen Doody

As seen here.

Here's how Hitler reacted to the death of Michael Jackson.

Damn funny!

"Play after play of Heal The World until we're all shitting rainbows"

This had to be the best Dear Deidre letter... EVER!

Better than the one from B with an inappropriate boyband fixation.

Although to be honest I've not actually read the letter, the headline
was enough to have me laughing. I'm sure there is a better way of
writing that headline though?!

Sorry for the long entry but once you get past me waffling some you grammar nazis may find it funny.

As most of you know I (and Scoobs and quite a few other people we know) have no life so play World of Warcraft. Now you non-believers can take the piss but if you ignore the people who think it's a way of life it can actually be quite a fun game with various shoot-em-up and puzzle solving strategy elements to it.

The game is that big that there are many different "realms" or servers to give them their real name. These realms are split into different categories. PVE = "Player versus environment" which means you do the quests and kill the bad guys but you don't fight other players. PVP = Player versus player" which means you kill everything but can also be killed. There is also RP which means "Role Playing" which means you have to talk as your character would, which can prove VERY fucking funny at times. There are also RPPVE and PRPVP realms as well. I used to play exclusively on a PVE realm but thought I'd see what a RP realm was like. I've played in it for a while and can often sit there giggling while people taking the game far too seriously.

Now I've bored you here's the actual point of the entry.

Last night I got a bit pissed off with the guy who controls the guild I was in so I left. He hasn't be around for two months and as second in charge is very difficult to do anything when even as second in charge you have very little commandl. So I joined another one. It's good to be in a guild as you often need help with some aspects.

Well today I asked a question and was told that it was all on the website. You can imagine the uproar when I suggested that a guild with a website wasn't really role playing but like a good little soldier I went and read that site.

I'd like to share parts of it with you now.

From the "About us" section

Who are the Ebon Blade Knights....

We are lost Death Knights who were send back into this world by Highlord Darion Morgrain.

With our free will restored we try to serve the alliance the best way we can.

Although there is no place in this world for our kind and most people still think of us as scourge we fight for it by doing good and show by showing them that we are no mindless killers.

We try to give lost Death Knights an home again, we fight as one when needed and never leave one behind, an Knight in need we will always help, ALWAYS!

We only recruit Death Knights as is written in the lore.

We are an Heavy Rp guild but we also help leveling and later maybe we will start raiding.

We have an tabard and 2 guild tabs available.

We are proud to announce that the Ebon Blade Knights is also an part of the guild senate, and therefor the Death Knights have an voice again within the alliance.The trust is still an thin line on both sides but we gain more respect in Azaroth everyday as an group of loyal knights.

From the "The Rules" section.

Rules
-Respect eighother.

-If an knight makes trouble find an officer and tell him or her about it, so there can be dealed with in a proper way.

- Dont start fights, and dont make the first move, we want peace not war, ofcourse you are alowed to defent yourself when nessacery.

- If a knight needs help, try to help him or her were you can.

- Never leave an knight behind!

- If an knight does not listen to an direct order from an officer of start fights over and over again, the knight will be diceplined in the form of an punish rank ((in this rank the knight can only read guild and officer chat but cannot write anymore)), the knight can only earn his old rank back by show loyalty again.

- ((we are an heavy rp guild, so lolling is no excuse and will be punished inmidiatly with an removel from the guild))

- Were your tabard with pride *smile*

From the "Leadership an Officers" section

lady Chellan.

Chellan is Born on Dreanor and as an Dreanei she believed in the true ligh,she became an great paladin with great powers.

When the orcs attacked her kind she fought for her homeland she fought as long as she could be she had to flee, they were with to many, thats how she got to Azaroth.

Soon she met new people and saw the great king Varian.

She decided to join the army of King Varian Wrynn and soon became an leader in it..

One day her group was send out over seas for an resque mission, but when she came there no one servived.

She and her men tried to get back to the ships to report their findings when they got surounded and atacked by ghouls and undead, the king thought everyone died and retreated the ships, so she and her men got trapped, there whas no escape possible.

The Ghouls and undead killed her men and herself and brought her body to Archerus were The Lich imidiatly decided to make her an Death Knight to fight for his aid.

Now with her free will restored she is determined to revange what the Lich has done to her and many others, but she also want peace and a place back into this world.

Her believe in the light has faded although she does think the light has a meaning for all this.

She believe in justice and hope, and that makes her strong and determined to resque all death knights and give them an home again under Highlord Darion's banner they will servive and will try to get back peace and revange!

I really don't think I'll be in this guild for long... in fact I think a certain blogger/player may sign in just to tell the glorious leader how evil I am and send her a link to this page. Oh well. At least I'll have had a giggle!

I think this is excellent! In full here but paraphrased below.

Not only can I think of bloggers that have some of these but I'm also fully aware that I have one of them... possibly two at the moment but I can't help the bad year can I?!

The only problem I have with actually posting this is that I can think of two bloggers (not on my friends list) who will read it and then start spouting about how it's obviously a real medical condition because this website said so!

So...

The Six New Personality Disorders Caused by the Internet

6. Online Intermittent Explosive Disorder (a.k.a. The Thin-Skinned Rage-o-holic)
Like serial killers, these people seem pretty normal at first. For hours or even days, they'll carry on funny, charming conversations in a forum or comment section. But then something, anything, sets him or her off and he or she devolves into a tantrum that would make Christian Bale say, "Dude, calm down! Jesus."

5. Low Forum Frustration Tolerance (a.k.a. The Frantic Browser Reloader)
This is the guy who makes a new thread, knowing he's just written the absolutely perfect post. A post that should be heralded across the Internet for its beauty, comedy and insight. It is such a good post that the guy is checking every five seconds to see if there is a new response. If he gets a response he quickly dashes out his own reply that will appear half a second later.

If there are no responses to his perfect post then he will wait an eternity of five minutes before replying to his own thread with, "What, nobody has a comment? Helloooo???"

4. Munchausen by Internet (a.k.a. The Sob Story Teller)
These are the people who lurk around innocently enough, and then, one day, tragedy strikes. Their dog, or parent, or maybe a close friend died. Maybe the poster themselves found out they have a terminal disease. And unless you're on 4chan, the group will generally rally around and shower them with sympathy. You send this person your prayers and well wishes, maybe a few dozen kitten pictures and you hope they will get through it.

Then, a few months later, another tragedy strikes them. Their best friend was raped, or paralyzed in an accident, or both. A few months after that, their father dies. Again.

3. Online Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (a.k.a. The Grammar Nazi)
We all reserve the right to mock people who post 500-word blocks of misspelled nonsense. But then you have the situation where somebody posts a perfectly clear and clever message but within their well-articulated points they dare to confuse "your" with "you're." And then somebody will flip the fuck out.

Like a Mossad agent in rural America, you quickly discover that you've found a Nazi. Of the Grammar variety.

2. Low Cyber Self-Esteem (a.k.a. The Guy Who Everyone Hates but Who Never Leaves)
There's a place for everyone on the Internet to feel at home. When you can fill a message board with fans of The Wonder Years porn, there should be no such thing as an outcast.

Yet, each forum, chat room or other online community seems to have a person or people who just don't fit in. It's not that they are necessarily horrible people, they're just the square trying to fit into the triangle hole. They get ridiculed constantly.

Now you may figure this is no different than the picked-on nerd in high school, but unlike that kid always getting squished into a locker, these people are free to leave the website at any time.

But they never do.

1. Internet Asperger's Syndrome (a.k.a. The Troll)
We can't take credit for this one, blogger and Internet entrepreneur Jason Calacanis coined the term "Internet Asperger's Syndrome" to describe the utter loss of all social rules and empathy that seems to hit some people for no other reason than that they happen to be communicating via keyboard and monitor at the time.

We don't need to retell all of the horror stories. A kid commits suicide on webcam while the trolls cheer him on, Anonymous mocks a suicide victim, some kids fire a baby out of a giant slingshot for a YouTube video (we're not sure if that last one actually happened but it's really just a matter of time).

Normal kids, good grades, no criminal records... but get them in a chat room and suddenly it reads like the transcript to a Charles Manson parole hearing.

Thank you Cracked.com