While chatting with Oooooooober the other day about stuff I happened to mention that I had a Titanic script-quoting story as well.
Well as I watch Italy v Ireland I thought I'd pass it on... and it's Sunday... less chance of people reading it and finding out just how evil I was am!
As some of you know back in the day I used to work for an ambulance service. Every now and then we'd have a three man crew. It could be for any reason from training to supervision and could even be that a vehicle was off the road so the two-man crew got split between other vehicles.
So there we are on a cold night just before Christmas and we're a three-man crew. Well two men and one lady. We're not actually in an ambulance service vehicle but in a Red Cross ambulance during "Operation Helping Hand" - a time when the BRC help out the ambulance service. At least with trained crew on we can use the blues and answer proper calls rather than ferrying old ladies to stroke units and vile women with plastic christmas cracker rings stuck on their sausage fingers!
As you can imagine some of the things you can see are quite horrific so we try and find ways to entertain ourselves, games and such like. One game we played was the film quotes game. This involved thinking of a line from a film as you start the shift and trying to get it out in conversation during the shift. You can't just blurt it out and you can't talk about the film so as to lead the conversation. It has to come out in natural conversation. The loser(s) have to clean and re-stock at the end of the shift.
The shifts starts and we choose our film quotes.
Rach - I told you to only blow the bloody doors off! (The Italian Job)
Dale - She's made of iron, I assure you she will sink! (Titanic)
Me - Welcome [dramatic pause] to the real world (The Matrix)
Off we go on our first shout. Nothing special or entertaining, neither is the second but then we go on our third.
An old lady. Unresponsive but breathing, although not for long once we get there. I don't think that bit was our fault!
She was in a purpose built unit so we took the trolley straight in, no messing with the carry chair. On she went and we headed out to the vehicle with her daughter following.
"Hang in there mom*!" she says behind us in her best brummie accent.
There was quite obviously no hope and this dear old lady who, judging from the photographs on display in her lounge and bedroom, had had a wonderful and exciting life and was very quietly going to sleep now. What she didn't need a was her daughter screaming at her to "wake up" and "come on mom" and the ever classic "stay away from the light mom!"
Now, I'd never take anything away from the distraught daughter desperate to help her mother. I'll be the same when my mom goes. I'll do the pleading with the doctors and nurse but I'll do it from the side lines because I know, as should most people, that for them to help they need to be able to get to her.
"I need to put this in her hand so you need to let go of it," I say quite calmly as I'm trained to be calm.
"But she needs me!" snaps daughter.
"Right now she needs me more!"
"She's going to die isn't she?" she asks.
Could I?
"Well," I start...
No! Don't!
But I could win!
But it would be evil!
But... I... would... win!
And sacked
I'll deny it. She's grief stricken!
There are witnesses!
I'll still deny it! I'll win! No cleaning!
"Well," I'd began... "welcome [dramatic pause] to the real world!"
It was out! I'd said it! I'd won and been blatantly horrible to the daughter!
Her face looked shocked. I ignored her and turned back to my duties of trying to save a life, even though I personally wish Id just be allowed to let her go.
In the vehicle the daughter sat next to me as I made notes and kept her mother alive. Daughter never spoke. At the hospital we handed over and still the daughter hadn't spoken. I'd either really pissed her off or she was still trying to comprehend what I said. As we left she shook our hands and thanked us for all we'd done so I couldn't have damaged her too much.
Back in the vehicle I was called every name under the sun for being so evil... and for winning.
I never heard of any complaint coming in. Well not for that anyway. We'll ignore the time I told a pop star* to fuck off and the time I fell backwards onto a casualties face after she'd just been stabbed.
So there's my Titanic film quote story. Okay so the Titanic only appeared here and in someone else's quote but it's still there goddamnit, it's still there!
*I used the words "pop star" very loosely! "Can I get a reeeewind!"
How you feeling loveliness?
