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Little Britain USA is probably one of the funniest things I've seen in
a long long time.

I am weak after laughing so much!

"Have YOU walked on the moon?"

"Nanny 911" is an American television programme shown on TV3 over here
in the Emerald Isle.

The opening has a typical big booming American voice giving an intro
about the show...

"Staffed by nannies from all over the world..." he says.

Nanny Oldandwrinkly is in charge and is from England.

Nanny Strictandstern weighs in at 22stone and is from Scunthorpe.

Nanny Goat is in her seventies and from Surrey.

Finally Nanny Spankskidsgently was previously employed as nanny to
Jesus and comes from the North... of England!

So the producers went all over the world look for Nannies and got four
old trouts from the UK. Why bother saying they are from around the
world? Why not just say they are from the UK?

What is more disturbing is that none of them are anything like my
childhood nannies.. I do miss Nanny Ghetto and Nanny Nytol. Life was
much simpler then.

I am covered in tea leaves. Quite literally!

It's better than what I could be covered in!

There is something quite calming and cathartic about writing a living will.

I was having a discussion the other day about what I would want done in the event of me being put on a life support machine and it made me realise that I doubt anyone knows my wishes. People may be able to guess but would you want the responsibility of being one of the people who had to guess what I would want you to do with my life!

You'd find it much easier if I'd already told you, wouldn't you?

So off you go to the doctor and you tell him that it's my wish to have the machine turned off and he then asks you to prove it! How would you do that? Shake me until I admitted it? Go back in time? Well you couldn't, which is what makes writing this living will so useful in my opinion.

It was actually quite strange because there I was writing down what I want someone else to do, Brad, my family, the doctors, in the event of me being unable to decide for myself. It was imagining being unable to make those decisions that really got to me. I can't imagine not being in control of my own life yet in my day to day work I do this all the time. I decide what the lads eat and when they eat it. If we go out I decide when and where. One lad sees his family once a month and it's us, as the care givers, that decide when that happens. Yes his parents have input but essentially it depends on us. These are lads who have never tasted the freedom of choice in a way that I have. They get to choose what they wear but ultimately, if it's inappropriate, I can give them something else to put on and again take away their choice.

I do this everyday but what right do I have to do it? Who decided that for seventy-eight hours in every two weeks I can play God? And who decides if I'm any good at it?

I wrote a blog entry and then deleted it before posting.

So I wrote it again and then did the same.

Ditto.

Ditto.

I read the entry and then read it again and broke it down into five simple words.

It is happening again! Cunt!

I just blew my nose and my ears popped and my right eye is now all
sticky and weepy!

Yummy!

Facebook Group

I think I've said enough.

I love my days off. This is my second of two. I go back to work tomorrow. Or rather because we're deadly short staffed I go back to work today at 4pm for five hours!

So what have I done in my days off?

Read a couple of blogs.

Watched Prison Break.

Watched all of season two of Dexter.

Eaten.

Slept.

Drank.

Okay, time to eat and drink some more and maybe watch Fringe.

TTFN

I've only been here 30 minutes and already I'm wishing I was at home
tucked up in bed with the man of my dreams. Brad could be there too I
suppose.

I'm sat in the garden, the sun beating down, drinking vile coffee and
trying to work out if the fence could easily be electrified. It would
solve a couple of issues!

Unlike a lot of people I don't have access to the internet at work other than via my iPhone.

The internet network at work is blocked so I cannot connect to it using the wifi so any blogging I do is via 3G. Anyone who has used 3G a lot, like we have before we got proper broadband, will know that it's reliability is not great. Sometimes it will whizz through pages, other times it will be slower than a very slow thing!

I work from 8am to 9pm. I get to work at 8am I have to be up at around 6.30am. I get home around 9.30pm but often it is later. I'll have something to eat, check my email and then, rather than sit with the laptop open, I'll spend sometime with my other half. Pretty soon it's time for bed and the routine starts again at 6.30am.

My shifts mean I work two days on, two days off, three days on, two days off and so on.

As my days off are important to me I try to make sure that I cram as much in as possible. This could mean I watch a film or two, or do some baking, or something crafty. I might go and see friends or take the dogs out.

Sometimes I'll sit and go through any blogs I've missed over the last few days. I'll read them in my feed reader, rather than going through blog, as I have other feeds I read which are not part of BCUK.

I'll comment if I see something I think I can add value to, or be insulting in a funny way (which often fails). If I can't add anything then I won't comment.

As I have said a million times before, just because I don't comment doesn't mean I'm not reading.

Email me again, questioning why I don't comment on your blog and I'm going to make it quite public. I may also resort to pointing out some truths.

If you have no idea who I'm talking about then you should know it's not aimed at you. Don't ask me in a pm, email or comment who it is, as you won't get an answer.

Thank you.

I thought I'd do this to put a smile on my face so that the next entry isn't as nasty as it could have been!

Stolen from I_am_Xenon

Word association, write the very first word that pops into your head

1. pink -- brown
2. shoe -- horn
3. zebra -- crossing
4. school -- shit
5. button -- press
6. kiss -- lips
7. over -- out
8. pool -- drown
9. run -- off
10. seven -- sins
11. dew -- drop
12. apple -- pip
13. building -- lego
14. hat -- stand
15. book -- cover
16. song -- sing
17. banana -- monkey
18. plane -- crazy
19. tire -- flat
20. light -- hard

That'll do.

To say I am useless with directions is an understatement. In fact if
you were to say I am the worst in the world in would be unfair to the
word "worst" as I am worse than that... I'm worser! (I just know Juz,
Ramps, Row and Brad are shuddering at me using that non-wird! In fact
the Hobbit (yes you James) is probably having a mild coronary!

Anyhoo, today I had to get some keys cut. The locksmiths is in the
middle of town and I've only been there once before and that was ages
ago. Well I drove straight there! Yay me!

This is a vast improvement on my mental cartography skills when you
think that up until a few months ago I thought we lived south of
Galway and when we lived in Wales all I knew was that to get to
Birmingham you turn right out of our road, left took you everywhere
else!

Huzzah to me!

In other news... We've lived in Ireland for exactly one year yesterday!

Tempus fugit and all that!

The Apology

I got the spelling of Junior's name wrong. It's Ruaidhrí. I got the H and the R mixed up.

The Thanks

Helen and MJ would like me to thank everyone who left comments and sent messages. They were over the moon that people left lovely comments and they both say thank you.

In other news...

I fed Ruaidhrí today! He's such a little angel. I want one!

Very quiet day at work today. No beatings or allegations.

Actually I'd say it's more like boring than quiet. I suppose I should
be thankful for some quiet time as any minute now everything could
kick off, all he'll breaks out and I end up in pain with a torn tee.

At least this quiet time has given me the chance to do some thinking.
Although sometimes that's not a good thing.

Here are some pictures of little Ruaidrhí.

Born on Tuesday at 4.10pm, weighing in at 7lb9 not 7st9 as his daddy announced!

Don't tell his mommy or daddy but I'm going to spoil this child!

At 4.10pm yesterday (09.09.08) Helen and MJ became the proud parents of a little baby boy weighing in at 7lbs 9oz.

Mother and baby all doing well.

Brad and I (and my mother who is over with us) went to see them all today and he's lovely.

I'll blog some piccies when I can as well as a big welcome to baby Ruaidrhi Duggan.

Just thought I'd share these with you.

Well my golf lesson with the pro went great.

He was impressed with me, which was nice, and he was impressive himself, fnarr fnarr! Although I shouldn't really say things like that as he's a mate of m' dads!

Right, off to Brad's parental home to say our hello's and how-are-ya's before heading off to this 30th tonight. My head is still pounding.

My head is pounding, I got very little sleep and now I'm supposed to go and have an hour with the golf pro when I'm really not in the mood! I spent the night having a curry with my parents (which I paid for to try and give my father a heart attack) and trying convince my mother that the world will not end on Wednesday! Man will I be in trouble if I'm wrong!

Today is going to be a fun day!

You can't help but love Mac's and free wi-fi!

All I've done is open up the laptop and ta da I'm on the internet!

Blinkin' marvellous!

Right, time for some WoW before we fly orf to the UK.

Worth watching all the way through!

I couldn't tell you why this is making me giggle so much, it just is!

Just trying to see if I can blog pictures via the iPhone.

We're off to a 30th Birthday on Friday. This is the card we're giving thanks to Moonpig. She will literally kill me but I'll die laughing.

If I sent an email to everyone in my address book telling you the sad story of a woman who lost her husband all because she didn't forward an email on, or of a little girl who wants her email to be forward to as many people as possible, or a poem about how we're friends and always will be even if we don't speak to each other as often as we should, or even an email full of questions about what I ate last night, what's to my left and who I miss or who I kissed last and who my last text messages was from then I could be sure of getting replies.

I'd guess, going from past experience, that about 60% of those receiving it would forward it on to everyone in their address book and even send it back to me to let me know they care. About 25% would only send it back to me and then delete it and the final 15% would delete it call me many different names for even sending the message on in the first place.

So looking at my address I have over 300 email address of friends and family. People I know well online and some I don't, many I know in real life before the days of emailing and the internet.

Converting my figures to my address book means approximately 180 people would forward any email on as well as sending it back, 75 would send it to me only and delete and 45 people would call me a cunt.

With all that in mind, when I send an email asking for help, asking people to actually give up five or ten minutes of their day to aid me in some small quest or venture, a request which would cost nothing but time and is easily answerable by anyone and everyone, why is that I'll get maybe no more than 15 replies from people, four or five of which actually help, the others just promise help in the future only for it never to turn up. Of the 15 replies I know every single person so even if they have forwarded on, like I'd have asked, then their friends can't be bothered helping so what does that say about the friends, if it's been forwarded on at all.

Now before any of you start telling me you've never received a request for help from me, or you remember getting an email and you're sure you helped, and before any of you start sending me PM's (or even an email!) let me assure you that this is something that goes back a little while, when my friends list was small and even of those friends on it it's doubtful I had your email address anyway. It's not aimed at anyone in particular, just a mild musing about how easily lead we are by a sob story or an affectionate gesture.

Next time I send something out, I'll plead, offer money and maybe tell you that you're by best friend in the whole wide world even though I've never met you and all I know about you is a username and 1" square icon on a screen.

Of course, if I was to send something out in the next couple of days, after I could be sure most of my friends have read this, then would they (you) feel like they (you again) had to reply just in case I was keeping a tally of who did and didn't? How many of you are already thinking this is just a way to get more replies to an email I'm going to send out any day now? You'd be wrong but not blamed for thinking that, it's human nature I suppose, even on the internet we get suspicious and often withdraw to protect ourselves. I'm not going to though. Send out a mass email that is. Not just yet. These thoughts all stem for an email I read from a while back... yes I do keep them that long... one I sent out asking for people to help. When I searched for replies I found very few, and even less of any use.

Now as some of you will know Meno came flying into Galway last week to vist the Brad and m'sen. Soy turned up a few hours later demanding crippy's and booze. Actually the only thing she demanded was a way home other than flying but all she got was crippy's and booze. Rampage turned up on the Saturday and after being ID'd in the doorway of a local STD clinic he got very angry at home and threw a bottle of beer at the wall!

Through-out all this came the suggestion that we all drive to Florida, as is the drunken thing to do. This of course changed to driving to Calgary to visit Meno, which of course is stupid thing to do... the drive that is, not the visit.

But... it wouldn't be so silly to fly would it? (Soy sighed heavily upon hearing this already worrying about her one hour flight back on Monday!)

So, after much talking and even more drinking a plan was developed which basically goes along the lines of ...

Who wants to come see Meno in Calgary?

At the moment I'm just after an idea of numbers but to give you a clue as to what we (Myself, as Blog Ambassador, and my minions) were thinking here it is...

April or August are the two best dates so far but I'm open to suggestion. (as ever!)

You're going to be looking at around £500 for the return flight from Heathrow to Calgary. You'll have to make your own way to Heathrow. I will be looking into accommodation in Calgary and though I'd go for a cheap B&B or even a hostel if that's okay with people. Hostels are so bad and are great fun!

I'm waiting to hear off BA about a group discount and so far they've been very helpful.

So, if you're interested leave a comment saying so and tell me when would be good for you.

Go get your ten things! Clicky Clicky!

For those of you interested here is my social diary for the next twelve days.

Tuesday (today) - A day off. Some shopping and a little light house keeping.
Wednesday - Work. 8am to 9pm in St. Johns.
Thursday - Drop dogs at the Duggan, drive to Knock, fly to UK, eat curry at Laboni.
Friday - An hour with the golf pro in the morning (oooh err!), visiting family in the afternoon, 30th party on the evening.
Saturday - Oversleep, meet Jon in town for an Americano and brandy-snap. Free evening.
Sunday - Oversleep, rush to Drayton Manor Park and Zoo, home for the 3 S's then off to put myself through hell watching the video of my 30th birthday. A video I hate with a passion reserved only for my Aunt Janet.
Monday - Oversleep. Try and calm down from the night before. Fail.
Tuesday - Fly into Knock with Mother. Drive to the Duggans to get dogs, drive home. Collapse.
Wednesday - Take mother to the Pier Head and push her off in Kinvara for a lovely meal. Return home and wonder how I spent so much.
Thursday - Spend the day fending of mothers questions about my future. Drive her to Knock and wave goodbye. Come home and die.
Friday - Work. 8am to 9pm in St. Johns.
Saturday - Work. 8am to 9pm in St. Johns.
Sunday - Work 8am to 9pm in St. Johns.

I think that about covers it.

End of message.

There have been one or two things stopping me from blogging as much as I used to.

Firstly there is the log-out problem here. Over the last month it seems to have changed what it does so now I can spend an hour logged in and then get booted and continue to get booted very few minutes. That last about 15 minutes and then settles down.

Secondly our Internet since November has been through a little Vodafone 3G modem. It's been great but also shit at the same time. Connection is slow so reading blogs with big blog headers (even my own) has been difficult and add that to the logout problem and it doesn't make for a happy blogging experience let alone all the other stuff I do on the net!

Finally earlier this year my laptop battery gave out. Yes, I have a power cable but if I'm sat in the kitchen and decide to move to the lounge I have to shutdown everything then move into the lounge and restart everything back up. A right royal pain in the hole!

Well over the last week my log out issue seems non-existent! Huzah! Yesterday our bright and shiny broadband finally arrived and last week I bought a new laptop battery!

So, fingers crossed, with all that and the iPhone I should be back to blogging speed.

I'd now like to leave you with a joke.

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre. They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do. After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing. She felt having sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself. It was tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and, after while, nature once more took its inevitable course. Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So they buried Deirdre.

"Washing machines live longer with Calgon!"

Actually they don't!

Have you seen that advert? Warning you about how your washing machine
gets damaged by limescale if you live in a hard water area!

Well what Calgon don't tell you is that all major washing powder and
most generic store brands come with a water softner and as long as you
use the correct amount of powder (too much is fine but not too little)
you'll never have a problem!

Lying bastards!

And hard water is actually good for you!