I should have a learnt a long time ago not to open my mouth in public because when I speak I often say the wrong thing. It either offends and I lose friends or I embarrass myself.

Yesterday the latter happened and I think this will be entry for the Numpties!

So I had a day off and decided to nip and do some shopping, stopping at the garage on the way to buy some smokes.

"Twenty menthol please!" I asked the cute chap behind the counter.
"Sure," he says reaching for them.

I don't know why I ask for packs of twenty as it's all they sell here.

The guy waves my ciggies in front of the barcode scanner but nothing happens. He press buttons on his touch screen monitor and still nothing. He punches the touch screen a bit like I do when I'm getting irate with technology but still nothing happens. Eventually he gives up and moves over to the second till.

"I'll take you up here!" he says.
"Oh I wish!" I utter.

There is a pause.

"Did you mean to say that out loud?" he asks.
"What?" I stutter, "WHAT?! Jeez no! Sorry!" I say as I begin to go red.

He laughs and hands me the credit card receipt.

"Could you sign this please." he asks as he hands me a pen. He leans in and whispers "just your name and not your number," and winks.

I sign, grab the fags and my card and speed out of the store. I can never go in there again!