The House
Well I don't like it. The colour scheme is awful. The diary room is nice. I want that chair! (Very useful for chaining people to!)

Mario (Sean) & Lisa
Sylvester Stallone and Bride of Wildenstein. Why can she have so much work done to make herself look so ugly but can't he can't use the spare bits to make himself a bit better. And for the love of Dorothy please get rid of the bags under your eyes! You don't even need an operation for that! Neither of them will win.

Luke
It's Juzzzy 30 years ago. Eat man, eat! He is most definately an early favourite! Oh. My. God. The more I watch the more I can see Juzzzy!

Stephanie
"Girls don't like me at all!" she says. Honey, I don't like you, the public won't like you. As Mrs F will agree (I hope!) she most definitely ticks the ESN box! "Yeah. Sophisticated. Errmmm. The Mersey! Grayte!"

Rachel
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! She'll be gone soon because if one of the housemates doesn't kill her then I will!

Dale
Well, he seems honest enough but we'll see just how true that is when he's in there. I don't think he's actually as emtionally strong as he makes and he's a little arrogant but OH MY GOD KISS MY TEETH! Get out of bed to make coffee only!

Sylvia
I'm afriad people who give sob stories don't get to win in my book. If you want to win be yourself, don't let you past be the thing that gets you the public vote! At the moment she's only mentioned it once but I have a feeling she'll bring it up again and again and again! I think she'll go for breaking the rules even if she does look incredible.

Dennis
He gives my kind a bad name. I'd happily bring back Brian Dowling (why am I suddenly picturing him in coffee). He's so fake! Everything he is doing and/or saying is fake. He's such a mess. "He'd never go out with anyone better looking than him!" said Davina... he'll be lonely and single for a very long time.

Michael
Hmm... how do I say something without sound nasty and callous. I feel sorry for what he's gone through but surely someone could tell him how he's dressed! I think he is going to surprise us. I don't know how but I think he has more to offer than he's showing.

Alexandra
"I am not an IT girl, I am IT!" - NO! NO NO NO! Honey, you are shIT, not IT! She'll be gone soon. Tramp!

Rex
What's an executive chef? He's a twat with a strange shaped head! He reminds me of a young and stranger (if that's possible) Vincent Price. I think he'll last but won't win.

Mohamed
Another sob story. Blah blah blah. Shut the fuck up! I've got blisters and wet socks, now there's problems!

Rebecca
I cannot understand her. Coventry is glad to see the back of her, just like I will. Can I poke her in the eye? Brad will like her as they're both members of the Hanson fan club. It took me ages to convince him to take the posters down! I don't mind so much but when they're above the bed, covered in lipstick kisses, it's a little off putting when we're shifting furniture.

Darnell
Another fucking sob story! Big Brother this is NOT the fucking X-Factor! Slippers... with socks... Where's my gun?

Jennifer
I like her opinions but I think it's going to her hated. Sadly I think she's going to shoot herself in the foot when she reveals to the hoose-mates that she's psychic. Good Lord, honey that belt went out of fashion in the 80's!

Kathreya
Ting-Tong Maka Dong-dong, Magaret Cho or Jimmy Krankie - You decide! He'll be out soon. And yes, I do mean he! Why has he gone in wearing an "It's A Knock-out!" outfit? "Herro!" "Oh no! It's Hans Bricks!"

Conclusion
So there we have all the house-mates. So far I'm not impressed and I think this is going to the worst and last Big Brother ever, which I know will please some of you, but I like it and I'm not afraid to admit it.