Best viewed at www.iamlanders.com

Eircom are finally getting ready to put our phone line in!

We only ordered it in December!

They're putting poles up!

It's taken them all day to put three poles up.

At this rate will be on the phone come October!

I'm soooo excited!

Who wants a call?

Not really in the mood to blog about my weekend of shit like that so I stole this. Yes, yet another set of questions I stole. I don't care.

Do you eat a lot of fast food?
I used to but since moving to Ireland there aren't that many drive-thru's or burger bars near us so I don't anymore.

How many people have you kissed in 2008?
Erm... dunno. Only one passionately - and that would be Brad but as for other kisses (pecks on the cheek etc) I've got no idea.

Were you happy when you woke up on Sunday?
No. The first time I was woken up was at 5.14.am. For some reason the fucking dogs were going mad, barking at the wind and the rain as though that's going to get rid of it! I got up, had a look out the front, then the back and could see nothing but rain and wind! Okay so I couldn't see the wind but I could see the tree's bending over more than I do on a Saturday night so it had to be bad! The dogs had stopped barking by this point as they could hear me walking about but the second I got back into bed they started again. They soon stopped and I went back to sleep. When I woke up again I had a bladder the size of Loch Corrib and the toilet seemed like miles away! I was wishing Juzzzy's wee hose was a reality! So no, I wasn't happy when I woke up!

How about now?
Not in a great mood no. Had a lovely dinner with the Duggans yesterday but I have things on my mind that I can't get rid and it's damn annoying!

Have you ever streaked?
Yes. At college it was a weekly thing when out drinking and was never really a pleasant experience for those watching on.

Are you an understanding person?
I'd like to think I was but in reality I'm probably not. I think friends would be better at answer that one than I am.

What was the last movie you saw in the cinema?
Erm... Daywatch I think. I know it's been a while since I've been to the cinema but if I remember rightly it was Daywatch. This is the sequel to Nightwatch (the Russian one not the Ewan McGregor one) and is damn good!

What did you last get upset about?
The thing that has fucked my mind up. Sadly I can't and won't be telling you what that is.

Do you eat sweets on a daily basis?
No. I actually don't eat a lot of sweets. When your father is a wholesale confectioner and you spend you life surrounded by jelly, hard-boiled or chocolate sweets you kind of get sick of them. Chocolate is my thing but I don't eat a lot of that anymore.

Does it make you happy to get letters?
Oh yes! When I sent all those out late last year it was fantastic to get replies. I think I might send some more out, not so I can get them in return but just because it's nice to receive them (I think) and I like doing nice things.

Who was the last person to text you?
Sam. Not much else to say there.

What are you looking forward to this summer?
Nothing. As with above, there isn't really a lot to say there.

Who was the last person you ate with?
Brad and the Duggans. MJ (MJ dad, MJ!)did a fantastic Monk fish dish. Nom nom nom.

Do raisins belong in cookies?
Erm. Yes. Yes I think they do. Obviously some without is good as well.

What's your screen name?
Landers has been a nickname for many many years and it had become a screen name for so many different things.

Walking into a party, what's the first thing you notice?
I try and look at how people are dressed to know whether I'm under or over dressed. I seem to spend an age trying to decide what to wear, starting a few days before the actual event usually. Of course, if it's a big party or a special occasion then that means going out and buying something new which means shopping at least two weeks before hand and then hoping I don't put any weight on! (fucking miracles there!). I spent hours going round the shops sorting out and outfit for my 2007 birthday when I was going to meet other bloggers! I still looked like a sack of spuds but I felt good!

Kiss on the first date?
The day before my first date with Brad I was ordered by my friend Dave not to kiss or "put out" for a good few weeks as that way I'd know it was right! I lasted until the second date - which was the next night.

Would you rather have chicken or steak?
Steak. Still dripping in blood, no fat, lightly peppered with some new potatoes, par-bolied carrots and peas.

What's one thing you've learned from a good friendship gone bad?
I've learnt a couple of things. Firstly that often all it takes is an apology and things can be sorted. Secondly I've learnt how to work out who I can rely on and who I can't and I think I've got a pretty good idea of that now.

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Person? Hmm... Ramps I think.

Would you ever donate blood?
I have done even though I'm not really allowed which I think is very wrong.

Have you ever felt replaced?
Ho yes! Quite recently in fact! It is not a nice feeling.

Are there deerheads covering any walls in your house?
No but I once lived in a house where there was. It's eyes would follow you.

Have you ever been asked out?
Yes. Been a while though.

Are you good at telling jokes?
I'm the best!

Have you ever driven without a license?
Yes but I didn't know I hadn't got a license. Due to not responding to a speeding fine but license was cancelled. I only found out when I applied to get a new copy of the paper part of my license.

Do you wish you had smaller feet?
No, my feet a fine size at 11 thank you.

When ordering sushi, what do you get?
Nigiri-zushi or Chirashizushi. Nom nom nom!

Do you write in cursive or in print?
Depends on what I'm writing and who to.

Who was the last person you sat next to?
Brad.

What were you doing at 10 am?
Eating choco-moons!

Are you different now than you were six months ago?
Yes. Six months ago I was broke and not sure what was happening about a job but I was happy. Now I'm still broke but I know I've got money coming and I'm not happy. (but that will change!)

What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?
Dunno.

How old will you be in 10 months?
Thirty-five. A whole generation younger than Juzzzy.

Do you think you'll be married by then?
Not a prayer.

Was yesterday better than today?
No.

What does your last text message say?
I'm not telling you.

What month is your birthday in?
June.

Can you live a day without tv?
Yes.

When was the last time you saw your dad?
June 7th.

How many pets do you have?
Four. Two dogs (Eddie & Hillie) and two cats (Max & Huw)

How many houses have you lived in?
Many

How many city/towns have you lived in?
Quite a few actually.

Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
I don't think I need to answer this one. The world, it's mother, my friends and every reader should know by now that I prefer bare feet! I hate socks with a passion but appreciate they are a necessary evil at times.

Available?
No.

What is your favorite colour?
I love red and green but really it depends what the colour is there for. Green is great for a kitchen or dining room and red is great for a bedroom but neither go well in a lounge.

What are you doing for your next birthday?
I don't want to think about that thank you.

Do you like coffee?
A little too much I think.

Do you like iced tea?
Not really. It's a stupid drink. Tea should be hot, not iced or even cold for that matter!

What are you listening to?
The news.

Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
I don't care what side I sleep on but Brad has to sleep on the left so I always end up on the right.

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
One thing? Just bloody one? The list is fucking endless and I can't mention just one!

Do you know how to play poker?
Yes.

What are you thinking about right now?
What I'm doing for the rest of the day.

Any plans for next weekend?
I'm working and drinking.

What were you doing at 12 last night?
Watching Buffy.

Do you smile a lot?
I'd like to think I do but I probably don't.

Why did you last cry?
I'm not telling.

Have you ever had a life-threatening injury?
Yes.

Do you like flying or driving?
Driving if I'm driving, flying if I'm the pilot.

What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
Drugs and hookers ME!

Do you wear any jewelry daily?
Yes. A watch, a ring and a chain.

Who got you the jewelry you are currently wearing?
I got the watch, Brad got the ring and chain.

Who is the funniest person you know?
Erm... me.

How often do you remember your dreams?
99% of the time.

What is your ringtone?
It just rings.

Skim, 1%, 2%, or whole milk?
Whole, tastes the best and suits heffers like me.

Are you mad about anything?
Angry mad or "mad for it"? I think both fits some things.

What time did you go to sleep last night?
I don't know.

Where did you last sleep besides your own bed?
The Duggans en-suite. Lovely.

Oh well. That took longer than I hoped.

Britney Vs Daft Punk Vs Dead or Alive

Once again Doctor Who lets me down.

The Darleks (who were apparently wiped out from all time) return and Torchwood just gives up! Surely the Doctor would have told them that moRose wiped them out so they know that the Darleks can be beaten so why would they just give up?

Softies!

Oh ma hole!

BASTARDS!

BASTARD WAY TO END!

CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT!

http://www.kissingwithross.com/

Now, please excuse me while I vomit.

I don't know how I feel about this.

http://www.stephanieslater.org/

At the time she was "kidnapped" my nan was living in Booths Farm Road (the road next to Turnberry) and had lived there since the street was built! She was one of the first residents and the oldest (in length of time there not age although she was close on that one!).

Mu cousin knew Stephanie and as a family we knew what had gone on days before it was on the news. Two coppers in an unmarked car were sat on my aunts driveway as from there you could have a great view of Shipways and the other shops and so, with her permission, they used it as a point to keep an eye on the goings-on. She got very irate when she took them coffee out and a few minutes later the cups went flying out the window and they car sped off at high speed.

Anyhoo, Stephanie came back and my cousin suddenly became convinced that she (Stephanie not my cousin) was "in on it!"

The more I read about it the more I agreed with her. Now, sixteen years later, after seeing her website and watching the interview on This Morning I think I'm even more convinced that she was.

Violent crime has always been something I've been interested in. I'm amazed at what goes through someone's mind to make them do something so horrific. What has made me look her up today is that I've just re-read Paul Britton's book "The Jigsaw Man" and he was involved in this case. He gave the police a psychological breakdown on the person(s) involved and as usual he was on the nose with his description.

I'm going to write to him I think and ask him his thoughts and feelings on this case but I doubt I'll get a reply and if I do I guess it'll be something along the lines of "I cannot comment, sorry."

Michael Sams, the man currently serving time for kidnapping her and the murder of Julie Dart had one leg! He over-powered Stephanie and managed to get her down the stairs, out of the house and into his Metro in broad daylight without any problem at all!

My mother, who is 5ft1 and petite, could have battered crap out of him, even now as she's turns 61! So why couldn't the young Birmingham lass (most of them have a voice to get out of most things let alone the fists) get away from a one legged men?

And what the fuck is the going on in the This Morning interview? She was blind and couldn't see anything but then suddenly she wasn't blind it was just very blurred. I know the road she used to live on and if her vision was as bad as made out there is no way she'd have found her house. They all look the bloody same! Quite literally! If she was blindfolded how did she know she was "in a coffin inside a wheelie-bin" Fair enough she might call any small cramped boxed you're forced into a "coffin" but with a blindfold on how did she know it was then pushed into a wheelie-bin? (By a man with one leg!)

Something about this whole story just doesn't ring true but she's "the victim" and I'd be shot for saying these things! How can I be so callous when she's been through so much! Well what if she hasn't!

Apparently she suffered short-term short-sightedness which just righted itself overnight a few months later! It's a pity the police didn't get cured as well!

60 Things You Possibly Didn’t Know About Me [But Now You Do]

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
A hoodie. (the actual jacket not a person!)

2. When was the last time you threw up?
June 1st.

3. Whats your favorite curse word?
Cunt

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today?
Brian
Dave
Ber

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Chatting with Michael about Brian.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Watching the end of "8 out of 10 Cats"

7. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Yes

8. What is the last thing you said aloud?
"What were we doing when I... oh it doesn't matter."

9. When is your birthday?
June 1st

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Ben & Jerry's Phish Phood

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Coke

12. What are you wearing right now?
Socks, Jeans, London Irish rugby top.

13. What is the last thing you ate?
Brad's home-made pizza.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Yes.

15. When was the last time you ran?
Today.

16. What's the last sporting event you watched?
Germany Vs Turkey

17. What's the last sport you played?
Pool.

18. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace?
I cunting hate myspace!

19. Ever go camping?
Yes.

20.Do you have a tan?
Not at the moment.

21.Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?
The ball off my tongue bar but I found it again

22.What is your guilty pleasure?
Smoking.

23.Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
I use the wink icon a lot.

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
No.

25. Last time you travelled by bus?
In Berlin

26. What do you never leave the house without?
Wallet.

27. What are you doing tomorrow?
Fuck all.

28. Where is your mom right now?
At the golf club probably.

29. Look to your left, what do you see?
A bottle of coke, my phone and few other things.

30. What color is your watch?
I have 100's!

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Charlie and Toni & Geoff.

32. Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
Yes.

33. What is your birthstone?
Opal but it depends on which chat you look at.

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive through?
Depends on my mood.

35. What is your favorite number?
I don't have one.

36. Do you have a dog?
Yes. Two in face.

37. Last person you talked to on the phone?
Helen.

38. Have you met anyone famous?
Yes.

39. Any plans today?
I've been at work from 8am to 9pm.

40. How many provinces have you lived in?
Provinces?

41. Ever go to college?
Yes.

42. Where are you right now?
Sat in my lounge.

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Hmm...

44. Last song listened to?
Better Davis Eyes - Kim Carnes.

46. Are you allergic to anything?
A few things.

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
I have too many shoes to have a favourite.

48. Taste in your mouth right now?
It's non-descript so I'm going to have some coke.

49. Are you jealous of anyone?
Well yes but not in a serious way. It's more like a "Oh I'd love to be there right now" and things like that.

50. Is anyone jealous of you?
I seriously doubt it

51. Do you love anyone?
Yes

52. Do any of your friends have children?
Yes.

53. Do you eat healthy?
Hahaha!

54. What do you usually do during the day?
Work.

55. Do you hate anyone right now?
Yes.

58. Do you own any big sunglasses?
Yes.

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yes

60. How did you get one of your scars?
I degloved a finger by catching a ring on a door handle.

Go here!

It's chuffing brilliant!

Muhahahahahahaaaaa!!!

5th

That has made my fucking day!

Behind the BNP!

Ahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa

Take the hint and fuck off!

Okay my mate James has done this and now I'm going to do it..

You may ask me three questions and I shall try to answer them. Things that you would like to know about me or my life, my past my future, what makes me tick, what makes me sick. From the mundane to the serious - fire away and I will endeavour to answer for you... but I make no promises!

What did you want to be when you grew up?

What job do you actually do?

So what happened?

He'd like me to pass on his apologises to everyone.

Am trying to reply to comments but keep getting logged out.

Fingers cross it'll be sorted by the time I get home from work. I doubt it though.

I've lost count of how many times I've been logged out tonight.

It has taken me well over an hour to mess about with a design that would usually take me a few minutes.

Now, if you'd like to flag me as inappropriate because of my cunting swearing then please feel free. I am past caring!

1. Who's the black sheep in your family?
Me.

2. Do you take your coffee black?
Yes, it's the only way.

3. Do you own a Blackberry?
Fuck no! And wouldn't want one. There was a time I did, I'll admit that, but not anymore.

4. Which black forest would you rather eat - cake or ham?
Much to people's amazement I'd have to say the ham.

5. Have you ever had a black eye?
A black eye? What just one? Well yes. I've actually had quite a few.

My mate James did a blog entry the other day about how he'd had little time to do anything as he'd been battling Christians. He gave a link to the site.

So I went along. And found Brad had been commenting as well.

Small world you might think! - or rather you would if you knew that Brad and James have never read each others blog or even met.

The blog belongs to a fella called Cosmodaddy.

Cosmodaddy is a long time friend of James.

Cosmodaddy is Brad's ex.

How very twisted.

But NOT as twisted as the some of the comments.

I beg you to go and read. I implore you to take part. Go and see not only how I lowered the tone but why! Click HERE! Please please please! Oh and don't just read the comments, read the entry and see why Iris Robinson should be shot.

His nibs and I went off to friends for a meal last night. Brad works with one half of the couple and this was the first time we'd socialised with them. Actually this was the first time since moving here that we've actually socialised in a totally gay environment. The meal was lovely, as was the company, but this meant we missed Doctor Who.

We watched it tonight though and I'm pleased to say we didn't fucking miss much!

What a pile of bollocks! I got really pissed off this morning when I was reading blogs talking about how good it was and there was me having missed it and then I go and watch it and find out it was total shit.

Doctor Who pisses me off many times with crap continuity or editing but usually it's forgivable as David Tennant is a hottie (thin but a hottie) and I like seeing parts of Wales and thinking "we used to live there" or "we've been there."

Last nights episode was a boring abomination in television viewing. Even more so as the delightful David wasn't in it, but this aside the episode was shit. I've hated Russell T. Davies since Queer As Folk on (fucking poof) and this just makes it worse!

So, at my request, Brad ordered me a lovely new portable hard-drive. Powered via the USB port so I don't have to plug it into the voltage it works like a dream. 250gb of room for me to move about, decorate and fill up as I see fit.

Last week I put out 40gb of music on it and today I decided to stop using Aperture (which is great but very technical) and go back to iPhoto. I also decided to put all our pictures onto the shiny new hard-drive. Well that job didn't take very log. A click here, a drag there and whoosh my hard-drive had all the pictures. All I had to do was import them into iPhoto.

I'm still waiting.

It's been going a while.

8000+ images.

I may be here a little longer.

I didn't realise Mozilla was owned by Apple.

Some of you... and I know who with some of you... may find these a nice souvenir and a helpful addition to you blog. There will be more to come in the future. Suggestions welcome.

Type in what the questions ask you into google search and use the first thing that comes up as your answer.

1. Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search:
Rob needs therapy

2. Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:
Robert looks like he just found out he has herpes

3. Type in "[your name] likes" in Google search:
rob likes playing with other mens balls

4. Type in "[your name] says" in Google search:
Rob says it’s a rock

5. Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search:
rob wants to lick me.

6. Type in "[your name] does" in Google search:
Rob Does His Open Water Swim Off West Neck "Ice" Beach

7. Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search
Rob hates bagpipes

8. Type in "[your name] goes" in Google search:
Rob' Goes Rural

9. Type in "[your name] loves" in Google search:
Robert Love

10. Type in "[your name] has" in Google search:
Rob has been blessed in many ways.

11. Type in "[your name] gets" in the Google search:
Rob gets his helmet, mask, coveralls, boots, and face mask, he feels uncomfortable.

12. Type in "[your name] eats" in the Google search:
Rob eats a DOZEN (12) raw eggs.

13. Type in "[your name] can" in the Google search:
ROB Can We Ride

14. Type in "[your name] drinks" in the Google search:
Rob Drinks Beer Fast Whilst Golfing!

15. Type in "[your name] makes" in the Google search:
Rob makes his point at Shark Bay

Brad has a new cartridge thingy for his DS which has gabillionmillion games on it that Ramper-Pamper sent him so I have become a Nintendo Widow! Cheers Ramps!

So I got bored and tried to occupy my time.

Me and the other half have a great house. It's massive and full of space and ideal for working from home. So with that in mind I want you lot to get your thinking caps and let me know (either comment or email or text or phone) what you think I could do from home. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, I'm just in the mood to work from home. So thoughts please.

I'm evil and I'm going to burn in hell but it'll be worth it as at least I'll die form laughing at this!

Some people lack common sense. But I'm glad about that when things like this happen!

Remember my horrific* experience of going to the dentist the day before we flew to Berlin?

Well today I have to leave a course early so I can go and let the dentist decide if the tooth has to come out (surely it came "out" when I did? De-dum-tsh!) or if it needs a permenant filling! (Did I tell you the horrific story she told me about the tooth and how an abcess was growing from the gum up and my tooth has cracked up the middle?)

It's not even time to leave the house for the course and I already feel sick and want to cry!

And if that isn't bad enough I can't stop singing The Gambler by Kenny Rogers!

*She was very nice really and put me at ease very well.

It's taken me long hours of sitting to finally get my ass-imprint right on this stool but finally I did it!

I've woken up in bad mood and it's just getting worse.

Considering I have to with vulnerable adults this cannot be good. Actually after everything that went on with the one lad (the attack that lead to shirt ripping) I've discovered that when I get attacked by people who can't help it and don't mean it against me I back away and don't retaliate in any way other than a raised voice telling him to calm down. In any other situation I'd bite back!

Man, I'm fed up of feeling like this. One minute I'm quite up beat and I know how things are going to go, the next minute I don't know which way is up or what I'm supposed to do next.

At the moment I'm having thoughts I don't want to have and I don't know how to get rid of them. When I try to get rid of these thoughts and feelings I start to justify them and that makes them bigger which them makes me feel worse and more guilty! Horrible never ending circle!

Bollocks!

As some of you will now there are times I can be a bit of geek about certain subjects.

Time Travel is one of them. I have many many theories on time travel and how it is not possible and never will be and I share these and various geek-sites made for geeks like me.

Yes, there are other geeks like me. Other geeks who find the idea of time travel extremely interesting but highly doubtful. And there are lots of us. Lots of people like me. How scary is that?

So, I have this keen interest in something that is not and never will be possible and there I am discussing my thoughts this morning in a geek chat room about the geek subject of non-existant time travel when I starting talking about a theory called the Grandfather Paradox. I've o doubt some of you will have heard of it and some won't.

This is it...

A baby girl is mysteriously dropped off at an orphanage in Cleveland in 1945. "Jane" grows up lonely and dejected, not knowing who her parents are, until one day in 1963 she is strangely attracted to a drifter. She falls in love with him. But just when things are finally looking up for Jane, a series of disasters strike. First, she becomes pregnant by the drifter, who then disappears. Second, during the complicated delivery, doctors find that Jane has both sets of sex organs, and to save her life, they are forced to surgically convert "her" to a "him." Finally, a mysterious stranger kidnaps her baby from the delivery room.

Reeling from these disasters, rejected by society, scorned by fate, "he" becomes a drunkard and drifter. Not only has Jane lost her parents and her lover, but he has lost his only child as well. Years later, in 1970, he stumbles into a lonely bar, called Pop's Place, and spills out his pathetic story to an elderly bartender. The sympathetic bartender offers the drifter the chance to avenge the stranger who left her pregnant and abandoned, on the condition that he join the "time travelers corps." Both of them enter a time machine, and the bartender drops off the drifter in 1963. The drifter is strangely attracted to a young orphan woman, who subsequently becomes pregnant.

The bartender then goes forward 9 months, kidnaps the baby girl from the hospital, and drops off the baby in an orphanage back in 1945. Then the bartender drops off the thoroughly confused drifter in 1985, to enlist in the time travelers corps. The drifter eventually gets his life together, becomes a respected and elderly member of the time travelers corps, and then disguises himself as a bartender and has his most difficult mission: a date with destiny, meeting a certain drifter at Pop's Place in 1970.

The question is: Who is Jane's mother, father, grandfather, grand mother, son, daughter, granddaughter, and grandson? The girl, the drifter, and the bartender, of course, are all the same person. These paradoxes can made your head spin, especially if you try to untangle Jane's twisted parentage. If we draw Jane's family tree, we find that all the branches are curled inward back on themselves, as in a circle. We come to the astonishing conclusion that she is her own mother and father! She is an entire family tree unto herself.

Some people credit Robert Heinlein with this concept where as others credit Rene Barjavel. Personally I couldn't give a flying fuck I'm just amazed that people who come in to a chat room and start spouting off about how time travel is possible have never heard of this theory. There wasn't one person! Surely if you're in to something in a big enough way to come into a chat room and start spouting off facts and figures then you have to have researched the argument from both sides! You can't just say "Oh yes, I think it'll work!" and not have basis for why, unless of course you're willing to say "okay so I was wrong and I think it won't work!" when someone presents you with your first argument going against your thoughts!

And if you want to tell me I'm wrong then at least tell me why wrong rather than just saying "no, you're wrong, time travel is possible and they work among us!"

Prove it you fucker!

Nigel Slater - Cook/Chef, TV Presenter, blah blah blah. I don't think I need to tell you who is his twin.

Well I've had a mess aboot and I'm loving the new design thingy!

I still have a few things to do and try but on the whole it's great!

Rampers - the girl we met on the stairs, the design wizard woman... give her a huge congrats from me for such a great system!

Nick had a whinge (as others have in the past) that my blog takes a little longer than most to upload because there is so much schtuff in the side bars.

So, much to my worry of cocking things up, I decided to give this new design editing thingy a go.

So far I'm impressed but I do have a few little complaints which aren't so much complaints or bugs, just things I personally don't like. Such as the now shortened tags list. To see all tags you have to click on more. This is the same for the archives section. Personally I don't like it but I do understand why.

Well, I hope my blog opens up a little quicker now I removed a couple of things and thankfully I haven't fucked up the design by messing around. Of course, now I've signed up to the new editor it might mean I have to mess around with the design a little and we all know where that might lead!

Now, as for the rest of my life, well to best honest it's still not great. My head is still fucked but I've suddenly become determined to change things. Finally got round to joining the local gym on Thursday. Went on Friday and then on Saturday, had a day off from yesterday and then headed off this morning to be there at 7.30am for a swim only to find they had a small fire last night in the health spa and the place won't be open until tonight!

I suppose I might have shocked some of you then by saying I've been swimming. Some of you think I can't actually swim and some of you know the truth. Well I've finally began building up some confidence and took the plunge (literally) into the pool on Friday and will be going again - and again!

Things have to change, and this is all part of it. Of course just how big the changes are remains to be seen but at last it's a start.

I just wee'd a little bit!

I had hoped that things were better and I'd get some sleep last night but it would appear I was wrong.

I'm about to head off for work and I really want to call in sick and just lie in bed. I know I slept because I cried myself to sleep and woke up stuck to the pillow but they way I feel now I don't think it was a restful sleep.

I tell ya, this is all just fucking bollocks!

In the last 24 hours I have twittered the following...

• 10:12 Heading off to Shannon Airport #
• 10:21 Thinking that Tumblr could be good if it was so shit. #
• 12:32 Heading back to Claregalway. #

A million monkeys on a million typewriters wrote this and then it was automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me.

Just wanted to see something about me.

The Rules:

Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged.

1. What I was doing 10 years ago:
Living in Edinburgh, DJing in the Midlands, doing drag all around the UK.

2. What 5 things are on on my to-do list for today:
Show Denise Galway
Sort out my tax
Join the library
Try to smile.

3. Snacks I enjoy:
Chocolate
Chocolate
Chocolate

4. Things I would do if I was a billionaire:
Buy some pride and self respect.

5. Places I have lived:
Hell and different areas of it.
Galway

It's been a while since I've read any blogs really so if I tag you and you've been tagged before tough shit. I don't care.

I tag... Scoobydoofus, BoredRich, Soyunperdedor, HebburnDelBoy, Batsman, Rampage and Darkminds

The House
Well I don't like it. The colour scheme is awful. The diary room is nice. I want that chair! (Very useful for chaining people to!)

Mario (Sean) & Lisa
Sylvester Stallone and Bride of Wildenstein. Why can she have so much work done to make herself look so ugly but can't he can't use the spare bits to make himself a bit better. And for the love of Dorothy please get rid of the bags under your eyes! You don't even need an operation for that! Neither of them will win.

Luke
It's Juzzzy 30 years ago. Eat man, eat! He is most definately an early favourite! Oh. My. God. The more I watch the more I can see Juzzzy!

Stephanie
"Girls don't like me at all!" she says. Honey, I don't like you, the public won't like you. As Mrs F will agree (I hope!) she most definitely ticks the ESN box! "Yeah. Sophisticated. Errmmm. The Mersey! Grayte!"

Rachel
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! She'll be gone soon because if one of the housemates doesn't kill her then I will!

Dale
Well, he seems honest enough but we'll see just how true that is when he's in there. I don't think he's actually as emtionally strong as he makes and he's a little arrogant but OH MY GOD KISS MY TEETH! Get out of bed to make coffee only!

Sylvia
I'm afriad people who give sob stories don't get to win in my book. If you want to win be yourself, don't let you past be the thing that gets you the public vote! At the moment she's only mentioned it once but I have a feeling she'll bring it up again and again and again! I think she'll go for breaking the rules even if she does look incredible.

Dennis
He gives my kind a bad name. I'd happily bring back Brian Dowling (why am I suddenly picturing him in coffee). He's so fake! Everything he is doing and/or saying is fake. He's such a mess. "He'd never go out with anyone better looking than him!" said Davina... he'll be lonely and single for a very long time.

Michael
Hmm... how do I say something without sound nasty and callous. I feel sorry for what he's gone through but surely someone could tell him how he's dressed! I think he is going to surprise us. I don't know how but I think he has more to offer than he's showing.

Alexandra
"I am not an IT girl, I am IT!" - NO! NO NO NO! Honey, you are shIT, not IT! She'll be gone soon. Tramp!

Rex
What's an executive chef? He's a twat with a strange shaped head! He reminds me of a young and stranger (if that's possible) Vincent Price. I think he'll last but won't win.

Mohamed
Another sob story. Blah blah blah. Shut the fuck up! I've got blisters and wet socks, now there's problems!

Rebecca
I cannot understand her. Coventry is glad to see the back of her, just like I will. Can I poke her in the eye? Brad will like her as they're both members of the Hanson fan club. It took me ages to convince him to take the posters down! I don't mind so much but when they're above the bed, covered in lipstick kisses, it's a little off putting when we're shifting furniture.

Darnell
Another fucking sob story! Big Brother this is NOT the fucking X-Factor! Slippers... with socks... Where's my gun?

Jennifer
I like her opinions but I think it's going to her hated. Sadly I think she's going to shoot herself in the foot when she reveals to the hoose-mates that she's psychic. Good Lord, honey that belt went out of fashion in the 80's!

Kathreya
Ting-Tong Maka Dong-dong, Magaret Cho or Jimmy Krankie - You decide! He'll be out soon. And yes, I do mean he! Why has he gone in wearing an "It's A Knock-out!" outfit? "Herro!" "Oh no! It's Hans Bricks!"

Conclusion
So there we have all the house-mates. So far I'm not impressed and I think this is going to the worst and last Big Brother ever, which I know will please some of you, but I like it and I'm not afraid to admit it.

I have woken up in a better mood.

I don't know how long it will last.

Thank you everyone who has emailed or texted or called or sent me a private message. Your kindness has been wonderful and has brought me a lot of strength. Even if you don't know what's going on it's still be nice to feel so cared for.

I honestly don't know how long this brighter outlook will last, I'm just relishing the fact that it's here. If it's not gone by around 3.30pm then I think that's when it'll go as that's when I'm heading off to the UK without Brad. This is the last thing I need right now but I have no choice in it. It's strange to think I'm moaning about having no choice but to go back to the UK and see my friends and family but it's true. I need to stay here. Oh well, it can't be helped.

Now for the gift for Rampage that Row will like.

Rampers, remember the conversation we had about Lord of the Rings and how SHIT they all are and how in Clerks 2 there was a brilliant explanation of all three films... well here it is... the actual part I'm on about comes at around 2.20 but the whole scene is fucking funny!

So I slept a bit better last night.

My head is still fucked. I'm quite sure it will be for a while but I'm trying to change my outlook on things. I'm trying to be positive.

Why can't I just dislike or hate someone?

If it was my Aunty Janet I'd be fine. I don't care how much bad karma crap it brings I want that bitch dead. I hate her with every inch of my body... and I have a lot of inches (fnarr fnarr!)

See, even I can make jokes when I'm in the mood!

No, right now, there is no light at the end of a tunnel, not even the proverbial train coming to run me over. If there was a train approaching then problems would be over and done with and that would just be too simple.

My mother arrives at 5.30pm. I doubt I can keep this from her but I have to. For her sake, as well as mine. Sounds dramatic I know but it's just the truth.

I could really do with not feeling like this tomorrow. How I felt on my birthday is insignificant compared to tomorrow. I want to go to bed tonight and wake up on Thursday. My mood needs to improve drastically and quickly ready for the 4th,

I apologise for writing depressive posts. It's not something I like doing but essentially this is my blog and I'll write what I want. If you don't like it, don't read it. At least I don't do it all the time.

I wrote a blog post to tell you all how I'm feeling.

I erased it.

I tried to tell you why I'm feeling the way I am.

I can't.

Remember I said I couldn't feel any lower?

I was wrong.

Remember I said I couldn't cry?

I am.