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Heath Ledger
I don't believe it was accidental. He had traces of oxycodone (Percocet), hydrocodone (Vicodan), diazepam (Valium), temazepam (Restoril), alprazolam (Xanax) and doxylamine (over the counter sleep medicines like NyQuil) in his system. He was a not a stupid man.

Jeremy Kyle
Ahhh! Shut the fuck up! Shut up! How did this man ever get a television show. He was great on radio, a really funny presenter with a marvellous style but on telly he is shit shit shit! He has no idea what he's talking about, thinks shouting gives you the moral high-ground and belittles peoples feeling with his crass shitty words! For Gods sake man you're married to a divorcee who met her first husband the day she fucking married him in a radio stunt and who then rarely spent a night with him! You are not God and you are very rarely right. You do more harm than good.

Dubbed Adverts
I know the cost of making a television advert. There is no excuse for your crap dubbed adverts!

Potential Employers
When I write to you or e-mail you with my CV and covering letter it's polite to fucking reply. Even if it is only a little receipt to say you got my application. Cunningham Motors - thank you. The receipt I got this morning was lovely. It was more than a receipt but less than a letter and I now know where I stand and I look forward to hearing from on Monday or Tuesday.

The Deadly Knowledge Show
I think I can leave that one right there.

The CIA, KGB, MI5, FBI, Police, Army and so on...
If I murdered someone, just a strange on the street, someone who had no connection to me what-so-ever, you'd find me. You catch me, put me on trial and sentence me. Now granted my sentence would be a couple of years in the clink and then a holiday but either way I'd have learnt my lesson. You have all this satellite technology and can spy on who ever from where ever, you have the ability to call on the funds of the entire world if you need it, you don't need to shop at Specsave to get a free pair of specs but why... no, WHY can you not find Osama Bin Laden? Yes the world is a big place but you have the resources!

Fabio Capello
I don't like you. You've got a lot of work to do to impress me

So this morning the pain is fucking unreal isn't so bad.

I managed to throw away two pieces of toast eat a home-made biscuit.

Coffee is fucking disgusting fine at room temperature, a bit like a good claret.

So apart from Esspee, whos household appears to have SARS, Bird-flu, CJD, small-pox and ebola, how are you?