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I hate our fucking hoover!

I don't care that I'm being selfish because it was kindly lent to us and without it we'd be walking on a carpet of dog hair.

I HATE IT!

We just had a MAFISS gust of wind and around 14 birds shot across the field, all tumbley outta control!

Followed by a lamb doing gambols* across the field!

EDIT: More lambs followed but they were running... or rather being pushed!

EDIT 2: And now the sheep are all heading (again more likely being pushed!) for the wall of the field!

*A gambol (gam-bowl) for those of you who don't know is a forward roll!

Am stupidly early... again!

So I've nipped round the corner to the place with the superfastwhizzyzippy wireless internet connection to download all my lovely updates and other stuff!

Hoop-de-doop!

I've been longing for a job for agggggeeeess!

Now I've got one I'd rather be here blogging!

I think that may only be because it's Bloscars day!

Huzzah!

See you all at 9pm!

Well this could be old news to some.

This is how the story goes...

In November I applied for a job with a centre that helps children and adults with learning difficulties. The interview went well and they seemed impressed with my knowledge and background.

During the interview I had to hand in a Garda checking form. This is like a CRB check in the UK only a lot more in depth. You have to put down EVERY address you've ever had. I also had to give them three references. I gave them two ex-employers and a social worker from fostering.

So jump forward a week or so after that...

I get a phone call. My Garda check hasn't come in and they are missing a reference. I give them the email details of the reference they are missing and wait some more.

Now jump forward to three weeks ago.

I get a phone call to say my Garda check is clear but they are miss two references. The social workers and my last job! It just so happens that I spoke to the social worker the week before and she'd been off work for weeks and weeks and weeks due to a broken akel and had only just got my reference request. She promised to fill it in and send it off as a priority... which she did... but my ex-employer... my last job... still hadn't done theirs! Bitches! No, not fair... bitch I should say ... there is only one of them that is a bitch, the others are all lovely and fine. It just so happens that my reference has to come from this bitch. So I give the new job a different name to contact at the office and hope that things get moving!

MJ knows these people quite well as he does a taxi run for them and the girl he picks up has been asking him constantly if I've heard anything and he has to keep saying because... well because I hadn't!

Until today...

She has just rang!

I START TOMORROW!!!

Go see if you've got one! Clicky Clicky

Ceej's is funny, Nick is hilarious but Shipscook... Christ, it's too fucking funny!

I have a secret Bloscars mission and am looking for five (at least!) if not more people to do a little writing for me. Just a paragraph. It'll take five minutes of your time (thereabouts!)

If you're interested PM me or leave a comment here.

Thank you.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ONE OF THOSE FUCKING DAYS FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

H A P P Y

B I R T H D A Y

S U Z E E

x x x

1. Since completing 400 things I knew I would eventually round it up to 500.
2. My worry now is that I'll want to go to a 1000.
3. I find Alan Carr funny on his own but not with Justin Lee Collins. I feel the same about Justin Lee Collins.
4. I was a fan of Dallas and Dynasty and The Colbys but my favourite was Falcon Crest.
5. I did not like Knots Landing.
6. I find Paddy McGunniess strangely attractive.
7. I was once told I sound like a gay Frank Skinner.
8. My mother always told me that cards celebrating events should stay for one week. The only exception is Chrsitmas cards which stay up until the 6th January. Our Valentines cards are still up.
9. I do not understand the ending of Donnie Darko but I did enjoy the film.
10. I end up in arguments with friends as I think the best Prime Minister ever was Margaret Thatcher.
11. I am a Royalist but hate Prince Charles.
12. I used to have my cock pierced.
13. I think David Gest is a freak.
14. I would like to learn to play the Xylophone.
15. I have three recurring dreams that I have about four times each a year.
16. Barry Norman once called me a fucking bastard.
17. I have no faith in the British Justice system but don't carte anymore as I don't live there.
18. My dog that lives with my parents was named after Hopeton House in Scotland.
19. I like my steak blue.
20. I think Derek Acorah is a big fake.
21. I can knit.
22. I could play Halo, Fable or Blood Omen over and over again.
23. I thought this film was boring.
24. I have three SLR camera's and prefer the pictures taken on them than a digital but digital is so much more convinient.
25. I used to work for QVC.
26. And Sky.
27. And VH-1.
28. I get very pissed off when a programme is advertised as live ("Live at five on four!") when it's recorded the night before.
29. I was this age when I met Brad.
30. I think I'm the only person in the world who would like to see Noel's House Party return.
31. I believe my grandad came and told me everything was okay two days after he died. I think it's more likely that I was dreaming.
32. I can sign my mothers signature. Even she can't tell the difference.
33. My sign-name (BSL//ISL) is the sign for pink while Brad's is the sign for man!
34. Like Rampage I am the only person in my family who can carry on the family name.
35. Being gay, unlike Rampage, I will not be carrying on the family name.
36. This sometimes upsets me.
37. For Christmas one year I got a set of knee and elbow pads for skate boarding. I didn't own a skateboard and had never tried it so gave them away. In the summer of the following year I began skate boarding and injured myself many times, which wouldn't have happened if I'd have had the pads.
38. I would help anyone with anything if I'm able and get pissed off when others won't help me.
39. I only ever wanted to join the RAF because my Grand-father was in it.
40. I do very loud sneezes and can't help it.
41. I once grew a moustache for a play and ended up looking like Howard from Last of the Summer wine.
42. For my A-level film studies exam we had to compare Robocop and Valdimir Propp's theory of fairy tales. I likened it to Eygpt and the Pharaohs and wrote pages about how they ruled, only mentioning Robocop or Propp once or twice. I got an A.
43. I got so pissed off and bored with my history teacher at school that I lit a cigarette up in the class just to see him get angry. He sent me out the room and I winked and said "I'll bet you feel alive now!"
44. I was an arrogant fucker at school and suspended a number of times but never expelled.
45. I got the cane twice in my first year.
46. The teacher that gave me the cane became head-master of a village primary school, which he got the sack from after pornographic images of little boys was found in his desk drawer.
47. The head of the lower school (11 to 13 year olds) was call Mr. Lunt. We called him Eric.
48. The only thing I can say in German is "My hamster is dead"
49. In Dutch I can say "suck this bitch"
50. My nan asked me to help her die.
51. Brad's friend Ami once told me that she really liked me but if I ever hurt she'd hunt me down and kill me.
52. I'm very proud that one of my oldest friends went on active duty with the Navy during the first Gulf War even though I don't speak to him anymore.
53. As the curtain opened of a play I was in I was supposed to be on the phone talking away. As the curtain came up the cable of the phone got caught in one of the curtain tassels and took the phone up into the air and as it went past it smacked me on the chin. When the curtain stopped the phone dropped and hit the stage so I picked it, shouted "darling it's doing it again!" and then said "sorry about that, now where was I?"
54. I can touch type.
55. I wouldn't make a very good spy because I'd often be over heard whispering saying "Don't tell anyone but I'm a spy!"
56. I used to be a club DJ and only did it because people thought I was cool. I thought I was an arrogant wanker.
57. I used to to hitch-hike all over the country.
58. I once forgot the name of the person I was having sex with.
59. I have slept in a skip.
60. I was a "Founder Member" on BCUK.
61. If I'm hanging out clothes on a washing line with coloured pegs each item of clothing has to have the same coloured pegs. The next item must have a different colour. Socks must only have white pegs.
62. Because of the above I try to only buy wooden pegs.
63. I think Derren Brown is a twat but often find myself watching his programmes.
64. I have been "blogging" since the 16 January 2003 via online sites but have been doing it long in writing.
65. I hate yoghurts with fruit it in but will happily tip the fruity corner of a Muller into my yoghurty corner.
66. Brad proposed to me in Bulgaria by a moonlit swimming pool on August 15th 2006.
67. My favourite food is Chicken Fried Rice.
68. I put ice in my milk. Brad finds this strange.
69. I got my hearing aid on the 27th October 2006. I should have had it long before then but never admitted I was deaf.
70. I can jive, cha-cha, salsa (badly and waltz and tap dance.
71. I can ice-skate but I haven't for years.
72. I once walked around on a broken ankle for three weeks not knowing it was broken.
73. My iPod is laser etched with the words "Landers" and underneath it says "Who's the daddy?" - I am so very ashamed of that.
74. I get excited every morning as I await the arrival of my email.
75. I love to read but do not do enough of it.
76. If I hear screeching breaks I wince.
77. I cried happy tears when I saw Helen in a bridesmaid dress because she looked so beautiful.
78. I wailed happy tears when I saw her in her wedding dress for the same reason.
79. I often wonder why later monarchs have never abolished the Church of England. I'd be ashamed of my heritage.
80. A friend and I went to a fancy dress as Posh & Becks. Her costume comprised of a pair of sunglasses and mine was some beige jeans (with glitter in the material!) and a mohican hair-do. Everyone knew who we were.
81. I think Arnold Schwarzenegger is an awful emotionless actor and his wife is insane.
82. I like to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car.
83. Unless they are allergic to it or have tried it before I think people who won't at least try new food are idiots.
84. So much so that the hairs on the back of my neck stand-up and I feel myself getting angry when people saying "I don't like it" and they haven't even tried it. The same goes for TV programmes they have never watched!
85. I hate Michael Schumacher but respect him and is driving skills.
86. If it didn't sound pretentious or wasn't so expensive I'd drink champagne on nights out.
87. I could spend days walking round art galleries and museums.
88. I think I am a better artist than Hirst or Emin and all the other wasters like them. I just don't have the money or backing or know-how (publicity wise) to create the things I think of.
89. I think in 100 years people will look back at my era and realise that really we listened to, watched, took part in and appreciated a pile of shit! And I'm ashamed that I'll be label as being part of that. Imagine looking back and seeing Big Brother, X-Factor, Emin & Hirst, plays that are spin-off, rip-offs or copies, remade films, auto-biographies by Jade Goody. I shudder when I wonder what my ancestors will think about us.
90. Re-reading that last bit I'm tempted to turn it into an entry on it's own.
91. I don't believe in the phrase that you can't love someone else until you love yourself.
92. I am stubborn in my opinions but I am happy to have my opinion changed on something if someone can convince me otherwise.
93. I believe in reincarnation but I don't believe humans come back as animals. I think we stick to our species and this goes with my feelings on soul groups.
94. It has never been explained sufficiently enough (in my mind anyway) why some people are frightened of me and I'd love to know.
95. I have been up and about for two and half hours now and I've not eaten, had a coffee or rolled a smoke.
96. I empty my e-mail inbox on a weekly basis.
97. I quite often find myself dancing for no reason when there is no music on.
98. I cannot go to sleep without some form of noise... other than snoring!
99. I once swallowed the ball off the top of my tongue bar. I found it and still have it
100. There will not, never, at all, be a 6th list!

Watch it all. I haven't laughed so much in ages!

I'm look for any one who works at or has a friend who works at a university or college.

PM me or leave a comment here and I'll reply with why etc.

Thank you.

Click here for the full version.

So I said I wouldn't but then I decided I would.

1. I don't think I'll get another 100 but thought I'd try.
2. I will post it not matter how far I get..
3. I find humour attractive.
4. I think anyone who says looks aren't important is lying. It may not be the most important thing but it's still something to consider.
5. I used to make clocks out of vinyl picture discs and sell them to my mates at school.
6. I made Brad a clock out of books.
7. We have the biggest DVD collection of anyone I know.
8. When learning short-hand I could never read back the word kitchen. It never made any sense.
9. When learning double entry accounting I got sooo bored when the lecturer went on about Pacioli that I walked out. "Do you need the toilet?" he asked, "something like that," I replied and I went and sat in the canteen as I already knew far more than him about Pacioli (I did say on list one that I was arrogant!)
10. My electronics teacher once pulled me from the student common room to his classroom by my hair.
11. About four weeks earlier I'd given him permission to do it if he had to.
12. And signed a piece a paper saying so.
13. Which was then witnessed by the other guy in the class.
14. The first injury I ever tended to was when I was about 12 and my mother sliced the to of her thumb off with a ring-pull.
15. The first incident I saw as a nurse was a man with three nails in his hand.
16. Removed.
17. I have astigmatism in both eyes.
18. I have never really understood what that means but I have glasses for it that I only wear when my eyes feel bad or I have a headache.
19. I passed my driving test on my second go.
20. On the first test I hit a milk float.
21. My instructor was an ex police instructor.
22. He was also my paternal grand-fathers best man.
23. I've got a lump behind my knee that the doctor has said is an insect bite with an egg in it.
24. If I have it removed it'll scar for life.
25. If I leave it it'll just fall out and heal over.
26. It's been there about ten years now.
27. I don't understand quantum physics.
28. Or normal physics either actually
29. I beieve dogs see "other" things to us.
30. I steal a tea spoon from the restaurants if it's an important or memorable meal.
31. I once poked a biro into Jim Davidson's back side.
32. While working as a nurse a drunk casualty gave me his house keys to look after. He died that night. I still have his house keys.
33. I used to host my own radio show.
34. My first pet was a black and white Border Collie called Twiggy.
35. When I was 10 a doctor told me I'd grow to be 6ft and wouldn't stop growing until I was 30.
36. He was wrong on both counts.
37. I hated Queer As Folk and still think Russell T. Davies is a wanker who can't write for shit.
38. I once stopped myself from going for a wee for three days.
39. My parents used to have a carved wooden picture of a viking longboat. One day, while it was on the floor and not hanging on the wall (I don't know why) I pushed it along as though it was a real ship and had a split of wood go in one side of my hand and come out the other.
40. I was circumcised when I was 21.
41. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life.
42. I have size 11 feet.
43. I am happy for anyone to have my mobile phone number as I can refuse calls.
44. You'll be lucky if you ever have my home number.
45. I've had two stalkers.
46. When I asked an ex to describe me in one word he said "AbFab"
47. He admitted that using that was cheating so then said "bald."
48. I called him a cunt.
49. Of all my ex's he is the one I'm closest to and speak to the most.
50. Up until we moved to Ireland I had a private number plate on my car.
51. The film that scares me the most is The Elephant Man. I have to watch it in three parts and still have nightmares after each part.
52. I have no idea why.
53. I have a friend who used to come with me to nursing lectures just for the hell of it.
54. I can't have my sign language course paid for even though I'm going to need them in a few years.
55. I tried to replace a car window once (side not front or back) on my own. I tightened the mechanism up too much and the glass shattered all over me and went in my eyes.
56. While my parents were on holiday I took my fathers Range Rover out and lost the keys. I got a taxi to take me home for the spare set and drove it back home and parked it up. To this day he thinks he took the keys on holiday with him and left them there.
57. A neighbour told him I'd been out in the car. I denied it and pointed out how the neighbour hated me and would do anything to get me in trouble. He never spoke to that neighbour again.
58. While she was away I had her garage doors painted bright pink.
59. Me and my friend Sam got very drunk and slept in my car using a wet wipe each as a blanket.
60. I cannot cross my fingers.
61. I can cross my toes.
62. A psychic once told me I'd have four kids and would marry the girl I'd arrived with. I told her she was wrong as I was gay and the girl was my cousin. She told me to stop lying to her to try and catch her out.
63. There are certain songs that will always make me cry. Two of them are hymns.
64. I'd love to own a potters wheel.
65. My pottery teach was in the original Dr. Doolittle film.
66. I often wonder what they'll find when they develop a better more powerful microscope.
67. I think the same about telescopes
68. I have difficulty controlling my hand and eye co-ordination when looking in a mirror.
69. I have £1 in a Co-op bank account that has been there since 1997. I have no idea how to access it.
70. I once dated a guy who asked asked if we could rent out the spare room to a girl from his work. I agreed and a week or so later they started sleeping together!
71. We split up but for some reason stayed friends and I continued to let them live with me.
72. She asked if we could rent out the other spare room to one of the other waitresses. I agreed and a week or so later she started sleeping with her.
73. He came back to me.
74. I told him where to go so he went back to her. She said no so he started seeing the new house mate.
75. I haven't seen any of them since 98 but hear that he and the 2nd girl and still together.
76. I could spend hours looking round stationary shops.
77. I can't stand Marilyn Manson.
78. The most important discovery I made while being a venture scout is how to make alcohol.
79. It made us very ill and our venture group was closed down.
80. I love all things Egyptian and would love to cruise along the Nile and thanks to Nick am learning to read Hieroglyphics.
81. I don't like fizzy cola bottles.
82. After shuffling a pack of cards and splitting it into four piles I can make an ace appear at the top of each one.
83. One of our foster kids told his mother and the social services that I was the Godfather.
84. One of Brad's mom's foster kids told the social services that Brad was the daddy because he goes to work and comes home and sits down and I was the mommy because I do all the cooking and cleaning.
85. I make my own biscuits.
86. I can blow smoke rings.
87. I was once described as the straights gay man ever. I was the only gay person they'd met at the time.
88. I do not need to watch a film all the way though to find out if I'm going to like it and can usually tell within the first 15 minutes.
89. I am rarely wrong with the above.
90. I know that cockney rhyming slang was invented for almost the same reason as sign language. I did.
91. I'm not going to take it out but I'm ashamed about that last point as it's not really about me is it. This one is because it shows I'm ashamed.
92. It has just gone midnight and I have needed a wee since seven-ish.
93. I can only drink two pints of cider as it has an affect on me very quickly and after the first pint I can already feel myself getting drunk.
94. I think the most beautiful woman in the world is my mother.
95. I am keeping copies of all these for my web-site.
96. I am not a fan of gold jewellery but am currently wearing gold earrings.
97. When I worked on A&E the sister defended me in front of the admins and told them that I wouldn't be me if I took my earrings out. As such I was the only male member of staff allowed to wearing any earrings I wanted while working. All the others had to wearing small studs or loops.
98. I have a vast collection of watches.
99. I have never completed any of the Tomb Raider games.
100. There will not be a 5th list but there might be weekly one hundred!

Computers the size of blood cells will create fully immersive virtual realities by 2033, leading inventor Ray Kurzweil has predicted.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/7258105.stm

Reading this makes me angry. My reasons are pathetic but they are there and by blogging them it means I won't take it out on the car or camera when I go out in a while to take some piccies.*

I have no issue with the guy being called an inventor even if I personally feel he is a developer or programmer and not an inventor, but, if you want to take things literally then yes, he invents.

My issue is calling him a Futurologist.

Where the fuck do people come up with these titles? I make predictions about the future all the time and I know for fact I had a discussion like this around seven years ago so in my head that makes me cleverer than him! I doubt I am but that's not the point.

I'm going to start putting my predictions in to the public forum and then we'll see who knows what mister, then we'll see!

Bah!

*See Charlie, Andy, I listened... I'm off oot to click click!

So last night I decided to nip ootside for a fag. Yes yes I'm smoking again but I still consider myself a non-smoker. I have one, maybe two, roll-ups* a day and I'm not bothered I don't even have those.

Anyhoo, so I went outside for a ciggie and decided to walk around the house. In the distance I could hear the foxes screaming and coughing as I got to the back of the house it got louder and louder.

Finally back at the front door there was an almighty commotion filled with much wailing and screaming and coughing and high-pitched barking. I came in and told Brad and I said that I thought it sounded like a a fox had got one of the sheep.

Fast forward to this morning and I'm sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee, reading blogs and looking out the window (I'm so multi-talented) when I see the farmer dragging what looked like half a carcass across the field, dumping it on his quad-bike and heading off into the distance.

I do so love the views from here.

*Cigar sized

My got tagged by that Rampage fella!

I. You have to look up page 123 in the nearest book to you.
II. Look for the fifth sentence.
III. Then post the three sentences that follow the fifth sentence
IV. Tag five people to do the same.

So my first "book" was my diary. I will not be posting anything from that! The second "book" was the Freemans catalogue. This is shit. So I turned around to walk to the bookshelf and saw there is another book closer to me. Lords of the Bow by Conn Iggulden.

Genghis glances at Barchuk at his side, noting the man's expression of satisfaction. He was there as an interpreter, but Kokchu and Temuge stood with them as well to hear what the king's messenger had to say. Both men had taken to their studies of the Chin language with what Genghis considered to be indecent enjoyment.

I would like to point out that this book is not homo-erotica. Not matter what the first line makes you think!

I tag Bloglikesit, LyndLJ, Juzzzy, Hebbrundelboy and JakeTaylor and if you've already been tagged then do it twice!

Bush winding up tour in Liberia

I read this headline completely wrong.

I can't stop giggling.

I'm such a child.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7256133.stm

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

You should get a dress that's... Black - Elegant

You are naturally elegant and classy. You should opt for a black dress with some funky accents to show off your good fashion sense and natural beauty.

'What Prom Dress should you get?' at QuizGalaxy.com

The following conversation has just taken place...

Me: Do you sell lighter fluid?
Her: What?
Me: Do you sell lighter fluid?
Her: What?
Me: Do you sell lighter fluid?
Her: :lank look::
Me: Petrol for petrol lighters... zippo's?
Her: We sell petrol but it's for cars.
Me: :lank look::
Her: Do you mean gas?
Me: No. I mean fluid.
Her: We've got gas for lighters. Do you want that?
Me: No, I want fluid.
Her: :lank look::
Me: Usually comes in a little yellow metal bottle.
Her: :lank look::
Me: It's for putting into Zippo lighters.
Her: :lank look::
Me: I'll just take the paper and the card thank you.

How has she lived so long?
How can she get employment but I can't?

1. I have to wonder if my life is that empty that I have to write lists!
2. I've been up 45 minutes and have had three cups of coffee so far.
3. I know that Hush Puppies made the shoes for Dr. Evil and Mini-me from Austin Powers but I don't know why I know that.
4. I don't think I have an accent.
5. I have a particular way I have to eat sandwiches.
6. I cannot write bio's about myself on web sites.
7. I hate cereal with fruit in it.
8. I can crack my thumbs
9. I can only crack my fingers if I've spent the day typing.
10. I once had an semi-erotic dream about Jonathan Ross. I have always hated Jonathan Ross, even before the dream!
11. It was only semi-erotic because he kept saying no.
12. I think Mindy Sterling is one the funniest comic actresses ever. She does a good straight roll as well.
13. I hate the font Comic Sans
14. In 2001 out of pure boredom I took two GCSE's. One in Business Machines and one in Religious Studies.
15. I never attended a lesson and had no idea what the exam would be on.
16. I got an A* for Business Machines and a B for Religious Studies.
17. That fact scares me very much.
18. I like the fact that I've found a way to make one fact about me extend over four points in this list.
19. It makes writing this list easier.
20. See how I did it again then?
21. Of course it doesn't make for interesting reading now does it if I just pad things out all the time!
22. I once sipped on ice and slid into my car.
23. Even before I saw the film Dreamcatcher I would picture my brain as a room filled with filing cabinets.
24. The fact that others do it and even put it in a film helps me think it's normal even though I know it's probably not.
25. I think that because I do that I have this incredible knowledge of crap useless facts but lose and forget the important things - which I believe happens in most filing cabinets.
26. In club once some one said to me "aren't you Gazza's friend?" I didn't understand the reference until later but then couldn't find him in the club. Once outside he was there throwing up and being told he was barred by the doormen. I laughed lots. At him. In his face. Until he breathed on me.
27. I once threw-up on over partners cock. He dumped me. I didn't blame him. I was very drunk.
28. He was the manager of a night-club and he told the staff that he dumped me because I'd cheated on him. I told them the truth. Some people still believe him. I don't care.
29. I don't like the shape of the house being built over the road. It is the same shape as our house. I love our house.
30. I desperately want a job.
31. I am quite happy for everyone to have their own opinion even if by reading my blog you'd think I'm not.
32. Battle Royale was an excellent film. Battle Royale 2 was not.
33. People who refuse to watch foreign films because they either can't be arsed to read subtitles or don't like things being dubbed shouldn't be allowed to watch films at all - in my opinion.
34. Subtitles are much better than dubbed films - in most cases.
35. I have never had a surprise birthday party.
36. I once slipped on ice and slid into the back of my own car and knocked myself out.
37. I have been hospitalised by my own dogs twice and had an ambulance called once.
38. I have injured myself a lot.
39. My cousin convinced me Smurfs were real when I was little and that if you ate them you'd die.
40. She also convinced me that small plastic toy Smurfs used to be real but were now dead and covered in rubber and sold to kids as toys.
41. I burst into tears when she put a small Smurf toy in her mouth because I thought she was going to die.
42. A few years later she pierced my ears for me with a hot needle and a cork.
43. A few years later she glued all my fingers together with super glue.
44. A few years later she stapled a hat to my head.
45. When I was 17 I ran a jewellery business with her.
46. I haven't spoken to her since 2000 and I'm happy to keep it that way.
47. I watch the Director's Commentary edition of films on DVD's
48. I'd like to own a night-club.
49. And a hotel.
50. I am too sarcastic.
51. My mother, at 5ft1, is the tallest person on her side of the family.
52. I do not find Sasha Baron Cohen funny, at all. In fact I think he is talentless.
53. I will never understand why some people in certain professions need to get paid so much. Fireman (and such like) deserve more than footballers and politicians.
54. I once tried to learn Russian for a part in a play and the only words I can now remember are atom and cat.
55. According to my pension plan I can retire at this age.
56. I haven't paid into my pension since I was 22.
57. I sing in the shower.
58. I often say exactly what I'm thinking.
59. Sometimes I say it twice because I think I've only thought it the first time.
60. I've just watched Hillie fall off the settee while scratching herself. I can't stop laughing at her and she knows it.
61. Considering I have A-level English my spelling and grammar is appalling.
62. I also have an A at GCSE Electronics.
63. I have lost count of how many times I have electrocuted myself.
64. According to BCUK I have 1195 unread posts. I will sort that when it gets to 1973. If I miss 1973 I'll have to wait until 3267.
65. I have actually read all of them in my feed reader.
66. As soon as they are on sale over here I will be buying an iPhone.
67. If I could afford it I'd have a room filled with green plants and a couple of comfy chairs.
68. If I'd did owe a night-club (see no.48) I'd call it "Twenty Ten Twenty Twenty-Nine"
69. I have a lump on the side of my head that the doctors refused to look at it.
70. It is getting bigger.
71. I do not have a favourite sandwich filling.
72. I personally think I'd be a good carpenter, I just don't have the tools to try it or the inclination to go and buy them.
73. I would not make a good plumber.
74. I am really looking forward to Berlin
75. I feel a little sense of happiness when I'm included in a friends only post.
76. My nails need cutting.
77. I'd like Brad to take part in MasterChef or Come Dine With Me as I know he'd win.
78. I would lose.
79. I used to have an "I killed Laura Palmer" sticker on my car and I thought I was so cool!
80. I have never completed a Times Crossword.
81. I have never attempted a Times Crossword.
82. From where I am sat now I can see nine sheep.
83. When we had no TV or internet I made loads of key-rings and watched approximately 144 hours of Buffy.
84. This is the year I started big school.
85. I can roast coffee beans with a popcorn roaster.
86. I can also do it with a saucepan.
87. I am questioning why I've only applied for one job connected with coffee since we moved to Ireland (and even that didn't have anything to do with roasting beans) when I seem to know so much about the bloody stuff.
88. When I finish this list I'm going to put air in my back tyre and drop Brad's memory key off to him so he can email pictures to Miss TheBoat.
89. This is the year I left big school.
90. This was a very important year for me.
91. I rarely pee standing up.
92. I paper the seat in a public loo.
93. After I've cleaned it!
94. I can put a condom up my nose and bring it out of my mouth.
95. I still haven't shaved off my "My Name Is Earl" moustache.
96. There must be another name for it?
97. I love Lego.
98. When I was eight I was shot.
99. I can make a picture frame from a piece of paper.
100. There will not be a 4th list!

明月幾時有，把酒問青天
不知天上宮闕，今夕是何年
我欲乘風歸去
唯恐琼樓玉宇，高處不勝寒
起舞弄清影，何似在人間
轉朱閣，低綺戶，照無眠
不應有恨，何事偏向別時圓
人有悲歡離合，月有陰晴圓缺
此事古難全，但願人長久，千里共嬋娟

Hold fucking crap!

You're all doing 100 Things!

I apologise for filling your time... but isn't it liberating?

I'm on my 3rd list now!

Yesterday's was so liberating so I did it again

1. Since deciding to do this again I am constantly questioning why.
2. I am surprised I didn't get more questions about things on the list yesterday.
3. I don't think I'd have answered many of them anyway.
4. After talking with Row about "The Nun" in comments I heard her on and off all night.
5. My parents don't know about The Nun and just thought I was weird.
6. I question what I write in case I haven't told Brad.
7. I don't think my friends, on or off here, realise how loyal I am.
8. I am desperate to hear from someone in connection with the girl on the bridge. I want to know how she is.
9. I can't abide Tesco's own brand filter coffee. It is obviously made from robusta and it tastes like shit. It is the only coffee we have in the house.
10. I have this morning shaved off some of my goatee and given myself a "I Know My Name Is Earl"/Morgan Spurlock moustache. It will not be staying.
11. A builder saw me naked this morning. It is not something either of us enjoyed.
12. I have never pee'd in a shower or swimming pool.
13. I hate socks and have a general dislike of shoes and would spend my life barefoot if I could.
14. If I have breakfast I cannot leave the house for 30 minutes unless my journey is less that 20 minutes and the destination has a suitable toilet because 25 minutes after eating breakfast I'll need a poo.
15. Doing this and yesterdays list has been very uplifting. It is almost like confession. I may do it weekly but only list the things I've done during the week.
16. I believe I have become unemployable. I treat this as a positive thing.
17. I would do anything for Brad. Quite literally anything.
18. I have seen many dead bodies.
19. My sense of humour ranges from infantile to sick.
20. I have a will but noting to leave.
21. I caught my father kissing another woman at my house warming.
22. There are more productive things I could be doing with my time other than this list but the probably won't be as enjoyable.
23. I am allergic to citrus fruit.
24. And tomatoes.
25. And cinnamon.
26. It was only in my last job that I found out about being treated fairly in work. I miss that job.
27. My nan was a strict Methodist.
28. I laugh if I'm being told off.
29. Three weeks before moving to Ireland I had my ankle put in a cast because I damaged the tendons around my heel while putting a casserole dish away.
30. I once skipped an entire Saturday by sleeping through it after doing a number of double shifts to cover other people.
31. I believe that I am one of the worlds great stage and screen directors and have excelled at those productions I have done. Hollywood will be sorry to lose me, if they every find me.
32. I am petrified of moths and butterflies.
33. I believe that ants will and are planning to take over the world.
34. I hate the phrase "okey dokey" because of what it reminds me of.
35. I have been arrested a number of times.
36. In the 29 days between splitting up with Stuart and meeting Brad I spent 27 of them drunk.
37. I have broken all of my toes and all but one finger and one thumb.
38. I think I could drive anything well.
39. I had a nipple ring pulled out in a fight.
40. I once stitched a celebrity nipple after he'd had the same thing happen to him.
41. I have problems saying certain words and often have to pause slightly before I say them.
42. I think Wolverine is the worst X-Men Character but I don't have a favourite.
43. I left home when I was 16 and lived in a bed-sit.
44. I say "Oooh I hate [insert name here]" when I really mean "I don't really like..."
45. My hatred is reserved for people who truly deserve it.
46. I lost my virginity the day before my 13th birthday.
45. I used to collect caps.
46. I know more about fashion that people think, I just don't see why I should follow it.
47. I still giggle at Pam St. Clement.
48. I think Mark Wootten is a comedy genius.
49. I think Nick Frost (comedian/actor - not news-reader) is very cute.
50. I believe if I entered the X-Factor I'd get to go to my judges boot camp but wouldn't make the final 12. I may be very very wrong.
51. I once entered Star In Your Eyes as Peter Cunnah from D:Ream. I was told I had a good voice but am not a good impersonator. I think she was just trying to be nice. I nearly went on as Darren Hayes a few years later.
52. I have a friend who can smell when snow is coming. She has never been wrong. I am jealous of her talent.
53. I have absolutely no sense of direction.
54. I have made various people believe that Shania Twain is really Sharon McTwain from Glasgow.
55. I once convinced someone I was ten years old than I actually was and was part of the witness protection programme.
56. I have been stuck on this one for about 20 minutes.
57. My nan once told me that our family has a big secret. She never said what it was but I think my mother knows and I don't think she'll ever tell me.
58. If God appeared and said "You can have one member of your family back but you must give me a family member to replace them with," I know exactly who I'd choose.
59. I do not believe in God but have no problem with those that do. Each to their own. Faith and belief can be a big help at times.
60. Brad and I get through more bread than anyone else I know.
61. I quite often know exactly what I want to say but don't know how to say it.
62. I get disappointed when the post man drives past our house but I hate junk mail.
63. I tried to get two cups of coffee out of one serving of Tesco own brand filter coffee. It has gone from shit to piss. In taste and looks.
64. I am never truthful on shoppers surveys if they get any part of my name or address wrong.
65. I don't understand how woman find anything pleasurable from anal sex.
66. I would love to see a boy take the Brownies/Guides to court for discrimination and a girl do the same to the Cubs/Scouts.
67. I think the age of consent for sex should be 16 across the board. Not gender and sexuality biased bollocks it is now.
68. As much as I'm for a womans right to an abortion I think the father should have a say in the matter.
69. I don't know it's because of the deafness but I hear the wrong song lyrics quite often. I'm quite sure Barry White sings "I'm like a deaf man who can't get laid!"
70. I think Celine Dion is ugly. I'm sure she thinks I'm stunning.
71. You've got my tankard.
72. Miss Whiplash hates me.
73. I used to get very intimidated by people I "fancied."
74. An ex once gave me real heart (I don't think it was human) and said "this is mine, take it and don't ever break it, just be honest and give it me back when you no longer want it." I handed it straight back.
75. I do not believe in newspaper/magazine astrology and think they are all crap. How can someone know what one twelfth of the worlds population is going to do on one certain day? We can't all meet a tall dark stranger and win a bag of doritos!
76. I think I'm taller than I actually am.
77. Because of my issues with birds (see yesterdays list no.30 ) I often have difficulty actually seeing them in the air because my brain doesn't believe they can be there.
78. A number of years ago I got angry and kicked a billboard. The wood bounced back and hit me and threw me to the floor and I broke my arm.
79. I would love to join the Masons just to see what they do.
80. I think Dan Brown is a talentless plagiarists with no imagination.
81. I agree with Randall Graves and his description of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
82. I don't think people take my liking of football seriously and think I only watch for the footballers. I know absolutely nothing about football I just enjoy watching it... but only the World Cup really and I think that is only because I love the atmosphere.
83. I don't think we'll ever know who actually used Llwnt first. I say Juzzzy, he says me.
84. I played Amos in a college production of Chicago.
85. I hate making tea in a cup and would rather make a pot full and only have one cup out of it than put a tea bag in a mug.
86. I hate tea bags.
87. I think Hillie (one of the dogs) knows exactly what I'm saying to her.
88. I think Eddie (another one of the dogs and Hillie's brother) is officially a retard.
89. This conversation once took place that still makes me laugh:
Her: What do you do?
Me: I'm a juggler.
Her: What's that? Is it like a doctor?
Me: Yes. Of clubs and balls.
90. I once fell off a bus-stop while spinning to turn into Wonder Woman.
91. When I've done this list I'm going to play Mario on the Wii to see if I like it.
92. The top ten most played songs on my iTunes starts with Kiss You Off by the Scissor Sisters at number one ends with If You Could Read My Mind by Studio 54 at number ten.
93. I use more pepper than salt.
94. I think Herbet Brenon is one of the greatest film directors ever.
95. I like my tea weak but my coffee strong.
96. My Nan would have been 96 last Wednesday.
97. I believe a good radio host should make me feel like he or she is talking directly to me.
98. I can't believe I've got this far.
99. This only took a couple of hours unlike yesterdays that took most of the day.
100. One of my favourite quotes is "If you live to be 100 I hope I live to be 100 minus one day so I never have to live a day without you."

In America they use a # to denote a number where as we would use No.1 or No.2. etc.

MacBooks have an American keyboard.

Why don't Macbooks have a # key?

To produce a # you have to press ALT + 3 but it's not shown on the keyboard, I had to look it up online to find it. Why? Why no # key on an American keyboard?

So chatting in comments yesterday I was "kinda" challenged to write 100 things about me.

Actually I wasn't challenged at all, I just said I'd find it difficult and she said I could if I tried... so I'm trying!

Some of these you will already know.

1. I hate my first name yet it's the one I hear most of all!
2. I believe I would be able to survive if stranded on a desert island.
3. I can play the drums - badly but at least I try.
4. I have won awards for dancing and twice for singing.
5. I am deaf in my left ear and it's getting worse - as is my right.
6. I once melted all my toe nails off while walking on hot coals.
7. I tell people I can't swim but it's a lie.
8. I used to be nearly 25stone in weight.
9. I own land but I've no idea how much or where it is or where I put the deed.
10. I bought a title from Sealand and after researching it I found it it's very fucking valid!
11. I swear more than anyone I know but turn it off very easily in polite company or in front of kids.
12. When I was little I used to believe a nun rang me to give me advice, which I took.
13. I once sneezed and broke my wrist.
14. I have never recruited anyone in to my religion although I'm supposed to. I never will either, I believe in free choice.
15. I trained as a hypnotherapist.
16. I once had a dream where I was Sean Paul and Nigel Harman was Blu Cantrell.
17. I believe in reincarnation and soul groups.
18. I can read Tarot and have loads of different packs.
19. I still get upset over my nan.
20. My favourite band is Erasure.
21. I have toes like Monkey fingers apparently.
22. I have four tattoo's and want six more.
23. I have six piercings and used to have seven others.
24. I learnt Japanese for Business but have forgotten most of it and can now only ask for Mr Yamamoto in the accounting department please as well hello, good bye and thank you.
25. I learnt Welsh but have forgotten most of it and can now only talk about the weather and ask how you are.
26. I have been a member of Mensa yet find the most logical things impossible to do or understand.
27. In my head I have a top ten of best songs and it changes constantly. Kiss You Off by the Scissor Sisters is currently number one.
28. My favourite movie is Rebecca.
29. My dad used to be one of the biggest importers of confectionery in this country.
30. I don't understand birds.
31. I used to write movie reviews.
32. I talk that much that I forget what the original question was.
33. I used to volunteer with Stonewall but left because some of their stuff pisses me off.
34. I believe I see and experience strange things in this house but can't believe the house is haunted as it's so new.
35. My parents house is haunted.
36. I named a hamster Valerie as a tribute to Valerie Singleton.
37. I also named one Verity as a tribute to Verity Lambert.
38. Because of naming my first two hamsters with names beginning V I followed it up with Veronica and Vivian yet named my Chinchilla Kevin.
39. Kevin turned out to be a girl.
40. My confidence is often mistaken for arrogance.
41. I am arrogant.
42. I have a disease on my spine and have only ever met one other person with it and that was last year.
43. I long to arrange a surprise party for my parents and invite all the children they fostered but I wouldn't know where to start.
44. I don't believe anyone has ever seen a UFO but I do think we're being watched.
45. I'm gay.
46. I will be eternally grateful to the Duggans for giving us the help to live in such a spectacular country.
47. I share my nickname with Gary Barlow
48. I share my birthday with Jason Donovan
49. I really miss fostering but I love having the house to myself.
50. I once called my English teacher a cunt. He thanked me for being honest.
51. I don't think I'll ever experience space travel yet it's something I yearn for.
52. I was accepted into the RAF but never took it up as I disagreed with my potential posting.
53. I don't believe in regrets.
54. In the future I will design and build my own home.
55. I have a strong theory about time and do not believe time travel will ever be possible.
56. I believe I'm a strong and efficient leader and calm in a crisis.
57. I appreciate music.
58. I don't take compliments very well and often believe people say them just to be nice.
59. I have been known to question my very own existence.
60. I once de-gloved one of my fingers.
61. I have been in three pop videos and have been asked to front a fourth but will never tell anyone what they are before you ask.
62. I have ran two people over by accident - it was their fault - but I aimed at a third one yet still speak to him and would consider him a close friend.
63. I have no self-respect.
64. I think Maslow was just pointing out the obvious and he theories were not as special as people point out.
65. i would rather buy a beggar a sandwich than give him my spare change for a cup of tea.
66. I believe I have a talent, I just don't know what it is yet.
67. My brain is a constant spark of ideas which never amount to much.
68. I love the music of the Cotton Club.
69. I hated Buffy the Vampire Slayer until I met Brad.
70. I once photocopied a page of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy many many times and posted each one to a friends house every day for about a year.
71. I used to work as a drag queen.
72. Only one person has ever got away with playing a prank on me. He is the same person I tried to run over. See No. 62.
73. This is the year I was born.
74. I find lack of continuity in films or tv programmes unacceptable and have often stopped watching because of it.
75. Through a line of marriages I am related to Jeremy Kyle and Vince Earl (Ron Dixon from Brookie!)
76. I think Kevin Smith is the greatest film director ever and Peter Jackson and Michael Moore are equal in their inability to direct, produce and write. They are both shit!
77. I believe that I have drank enough coffee in my life that I no longer get a "buzz" from it and it no longer keeps me awake.
78. I am jealous of people who have clear early childhood memories as my earliest is when I was seven. I think I have earlier ones but they are very very vague yet I cling to them as though they were clear images.
79. My taste in music is huge.
80. I wish I could draw.
81. I am not as scary as some people think I am.
82. I have eaten fried wasp.
83. I have had all the X-rays your allowed in a life time but as I use different hospitals all the time with different medical records and I don't tell my doctor, no one knows.
84. I got my brown belt in Ju-Jitsu.
85. I was mugged and beaten up by four blokes while walking back home from club. My ex didn't believe me and thought I was having an affair and was using the mugging as an excuse. I had scars to prove it because I refused to fight back.
86. I once broke my arm while racing the dog down the stairs. I jumped from the top to the bottom. The important thing is that I won the race.
87. I don't believe in fate.
88. I hate the phrase "who'd have thunk it?"
89. I once told a counsellor that if he didn't stop paraphrasing I'd punch him. After a pause he told me he didn't know what else to say.
90. I turn my hearing aid off when boring people are talking and while I think about other things I pretend I'm listening.
91. I am not ashamed that I had sex with a teacher during my last year of school or my first year of college or my first year of uni.
92. I believe everyone, no matter how much you deny it, is racist and judgemental to a certain degree. What matters is how you handle it.
93. I am a snob. I used to deny it but there is no point.
94. I have made friends with people through writing a blog that I would trust implicitly with my life and the lives of those I love.
95. When Stuart and I split up I began planning my life around being single and was happy with that. Four weeks later I met Brad. I know which is better.
96. In the early 90's I changed my name to get an equity card and never told my parents.
97. Noisy eaters make me sick.
98. I don't think anyone will have read every single point on this list and that doesn't bother me. I think people will read the first few then skip to the last few.
99. I was once trained as a master coffee roaster and can tell you the difference between burr and blade grinders, robsuta and arabica coffee's and wet and dry processing.
100. This list took longer than I thought it would but was easier than I thought.

I'm not "tagging" anyone but I'd love for some of you to have a go. It's actually been quite liberating.

Now this revelation might not come as much of a surprise to most, I'm quite sure Brad is delighted, but trust me I was quite shocked this morning when I realised.

It began when I decided I'd play a bit of music while baking - oh it just gets worse! - so on goes the 'puter, on goes the stereo, clicky clicky on iToons (it does actually say iToons because I renamed it!) and then I have to think about what to play.

I don't want to play my main playlist as for some reason it has an issue with Prince. It's not that it won't play any Prince songs, but that it likes to play them... often.. and they are only in there once ... each!

So I try to think what I want to listen. I know I don't want Dolly Parton - I did tell you it got worse! - as we had that on during dinner yesterday. Inspiration comes so I start typing...

B.... A.... R....

'There she is' I think and I click play. Turning the stereo all the way up Barbara Gaskin and It's My Party fill the house and I begin dancing around the kitchen like I did at the village hall discos when this was in the charts.

Now this isn't very gay you're thinking, just very twatish and that maybe I'm trying to recapture my youth by listening to 80's music... well you'd be right on both accounts! I'm going to be 35 this year and I don't want to be!(1)

So the next song comes on...

Barbara Streisand and Don't Rain on my Parade. 'Oh well!" I think, 'its only one!'

I forget that I've entered BAR into the search bar so it will only play songs with BAR in their in one way or another.

What follows is five or six Barbara Streisand songs, some Barry White, Barry Manilow, Beach Boys and then the Bee Gee's.

You're thinking well that's not very gay aren't you... well some of you.. mostly the ladies among the viewers...

The problems arose when I turned it off. I realised I'd actually sang along to every single song. I knew all the words! I also danced. I danced as I baked bread.

I stood still, my hand hovering over the mouse, shaking. I knew I had to look at my own playlist. 'How many camp classics would be in there?' I wondered.

I wish I'd never looked.

The Creeps by Camille Jones. Not bad, not camp but sadly not the only song in there. What followed was an explosion of camp classics enough to make any Pride festival go with a swing! And again, I knew all the words.

This made me think about other aspects of my life and frankly I'm quite disturbed by myself and have to wonder what Brad ever saw in me. I always knew I was a homosexual. That was never an issue. I know how to "turn on" the camp side of me if I need it and it comes in very useful at times!(2) I just never realised it was already part of who I am! I feel like I should start wearing a lot more make-up!

I know I have hissy-fits now and again and a strong liking for musicals but doesn't every strapping bloke do the same?

Come on guys, help me here! Right time for a coffee and to see if the bread is ready. I could really do with a manicure!

(1)If you're already 35 or older don't start lecturing me as I won't care - this is all about me! Me me me! As most things in life are, you just don't know it yet!

(2)When you've got a 6ft9in wide hairy munter coming on to you for a quick shag who then says he hates queens and fags! - "Oh sweetie really? That's a shame!

Homer buzzes on my phone to tell me that I have a text message and I check my inbox.

The inbox for my email on the mac.

Tooken from the BP2 Blogger

Chicken* is roasting.
Eartha Kitt is playing.
Veg are steaming.
Hasselback Potatoes are browning.
Stuffing is baking.

I love my Sunday dinners even if I do say so myself!

*We do eat other meat Row, honestly!

In a brief comment made by Hebburndelboy on an earlier blog entry I was reminded of my favourite kids TV programme!

I loved Battle of the Planets and still do, it's just not shown enough! When playing as a child if i wasn't being Wonder Woman I was being Mark.

Currently residing on our landing wall is this picture...

Oh how I love Battle of the Planets. There is no finer animated series.

So, sticking with my new tradition, here is another welcome to another new blog friend.

People please give a warm welcome to Soyunperdedor!

So, the US are shooting down a spy satellite because it has dangerous gases in the fuel tanks.

Bollocks!

They are shooting it down because it's a spy satellite! The technology will be old and out dated but should any one get hold of a part of it that may contain some form of memory then you just might be able to find out that the yanks* have been spying on more than just war bunkers and bomb silo's!

Gas in the fuel tanks! Bah! Now for reasons I won't go into I know a little bit about these things, as LyndLJ would testify to after I bored her stupid during a nights chat about the UK's Space Minister and his inability to do the job, and yes, the tanks will have some form of toxic gases in them left over from any fuel but if it doesn't burn up in the atmosphere it would be dispersed during the seven mile drop to earth. Should there be any left in tanks as it hits the earth at a whacking great velocity the friction from the impact, on sea or land, will cause it to burn up or dissipate in such a way that although it may be toxic, just like the natural gases in the air now, it wouldn't have any effect on anyone unless you happened to be standing under the falling piece of junk. It would be like saying that you can't stand in a cow field as the methane from a cow fart could kill! You'd have to stick you head up the cows arse for that to happen!

So. Mr Bush, if you do wish to blow up a satellite then fair enough, it belongs to your nation, it's your responsibility, but don't fucking lie about why you twat, because yes, you can look more like an idiot than do now.

*When I say "Yanks" I don't mean ALL of them... I mean the government etc! Thought I should make that clear before I get shouted down!

As seen here!

What five things are you grateful for today and why?

1. I'm grateful for my internet 3G thingy
Without it I wouldn't able to do this.

2. I'm grateful for having Brad
He's my man, my lovely, my star.

3. I'm grateful for Dyson Hoovers
Although ours is currently in Llankfuckwit awaiting it's arrival in Ireland I'm still made grateful today because I have to use the one we've borrowed off Rachel. Now, I'm not trying to sound ungrateful for having the kind offer of the lend of the hoover... but it's shit!

4. I'm grateful for music
I have the iTunes playing through the stereo and Eartha Kitt is blasting out around the house! Imagine not having that?!

5. I'm grateful to La_Spice
Saved me to hassle of having to think up five questions!

I demand your sympathy!

Happy St. Valentines Day baby x

I am too tried to blog anything interesting other than it's a Wednesday!

Will tell you all tomorrow... it's not all that exciting really so don't get your hopes up!

Tagged

Ok BoredRich tagged me...

a. list seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself

b. tag seven people to do the same

c. do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it"

1. I have toes like monkey fingers.

2. I pierced my own nipples.

3. I am the most intelligent person you'll ever meet.

4. I once sneezed and broke my wrist.

5. I slag off my own religion.

6. I help deliver a baby in a car park.

7. I own land but I have no idea where it is or where I put the deed.

Ok I tag:

BlogLikesIt
MoodyMarshall
MiamiBeachBum
Sixpence
Lousia-Outram
MagicalMysteryTour
RowTheBoat

Well Natasha, I'm sat outside the place again and the weather is still awful. The fog is thicker than elephants spunk and I can't actually see the building. Although I think I'm in the right area I could actually be in Limerick.

Yesterday was... interesting and I'll be blogging about it later as I know you're dying to hear all about it. I've just had a text Natasha, hang on while I read it!

News just in! Brad is desperate for me to go and get him a Wii game by exchanging two of our old ones. No, I haven't got it yet Natasha but I'll be going to get it after I'm done on the course.

That's about all we have time for, Natasha it's back to you.

Welcome MoodyMarshall

But... she's not just a blog friend, she's my friend in real life! Oh the stories I could tell you about her! Mind you, the stories she could tell you about me!

Oh the shame! - Me looking like Howard from Last of the Summer Wine, her looking like Lola Ferrari and the two us being Elaine Paige and Barbara Dixon singing "I Know Him So Well" and using crutches as microphones!

So, welcome my friend Sam. Mwah x

I'm sat outside a building... I think it's the right place!

I'm looking for the Ballybane Resource Centre.

I'm sat outside the Ballybane Enterprise Centre.

On the steels doors at the rear it says Ballybane Community Centre.

On the internet it's the Ballybane Community Resource Centre!

I have no idea if I'm in the right place.

On the plus side I'm using someone elses wireless and MY SHIT it's fast!

I wish I hadn't said "my shit" then... I reeeeeeeeeeeeeally need a poo!

I'm on a course tomorrow.

I have no idea what it's about.

I only have a vague idea where it is.

It's two days.

If I turn up, which I will, I'll get paid.

It's for a job I'm not going to stay in*, this I already know.

So, if I'm not going to say in the job, and I obviously have no interest in the course, why am I attending.

It's for the money.

Does this make me a whore?

Do you want to know what I think about that?

"Meh! I've been called worse!"

*Unless they change the job description which has been suggested but not confirmed.

While surfing the internet I thought I'd go to the Mac store and do some shopping.

My Basket

Canon IXUS 70 Digital Camera - Silver

Nikon D80 10.2 MegaPixel Digital SLR Camera with 18-135mm Lens

Time Capsule

iMac, 24-inch, 2.8GHz Intel Core 2 Extreme
Part Number: Z0FC
SuperDrive 8x (DVD±R DL/DVD±RW/CD-RW) 065-6972
Country kit 065-6981
2GB 667MHz DDR2 SDRAM - 2x1GB 065-6963
Apple Wireless Mighty Mouse 065-7552
500GB Serial ATA Drive 065-6970
2.8GHz Intel Core 2 Extreme 065-7045
Wireless keyboard (English) + Mac OS X (English) 065-6979

Kensington Liquid FM Deluxe AutoKit for iPod/iPhone

Agent 18 Clear Shield iPod Touch

iPod touch 32GB

Iomega 160GB Portable Hard Drive with Dual Interface

.Mac - Special Offer

MacBook Air, 13-inch, 1.8GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
Part Number: Z0FS
64GB solid-state drive 065-7414
1.80GHz Intel Core 2 Duo w/2GB 667DDR2 SDRAM 065-7697
Country kit 065-7266
Keyboard & Mac OS 065-7270
Aperture 1.5 065-6822

Apple MacBook Air SuperDrive

Office 2008 for Mac - Home and Student Edition

MacBook Pro, 17-inch, Intel Core 2 Duo
Part Number: Z0ED
250GB Serial ATA drive (5400rpm) 065-7452
Country kit 065-7009
MacBook Pro 17-inch Widescreen Display 065-6994
SuperDrive 8x (DVD±R DL/DVD±RW/CD-RW) 065-6998
2GB 667 DDR2 SDRAM - 2x1GB 065-6992
2.4GHz Intel Core 2 Duo 065-6991
Final Cut Express 4 065-7682
Backlit Keyboard (English) & Mac OS (English) 065-7006

iPod classic 160GB - Silver

Subtotal: 9,634.65
Shipping: 0.00
VAT: 2,023.29
_____________________________
Order Total: 11,657.94
_____________________________

Now, where did I put the credit card?

As it was going to be a late night we decided to have a very lazy Sunday day, full of nothingness really.

A roast chicken dinner later we were sat chatting and watching Clerks 2! Love that film!

After channel hoping on the telly and topic hoping on the conversation it was finally time to head out.

First stop was The Duggans. MJ wasn't coming out as he was working so we stayed for a while to have a drink with him and get high on the gun cleaning fluid. Seriously folks, I can heartily recommend it as a natural high! It's like sniffing on a dozen permanent markers! A bottle of wine later we headed off to Galway.

Deciding I really liked the one way system I went round it a few times to find a parking spot that Brad had noticed the first time round.

Getting in to town we found Taffees closed so headed in to the Kings Head for a pint of syrup (Guinness). Although as the driver I had a glass of sugar (Diet Coke).

After watching some girl open the door on her tow and then jump around very animatedly it was finally time to had to the Quays.

As we approached I honestly thought the place was closed as all the doors were shut and I've not seen that before but as we got to the door and 8ft man stepped out from under it and let us in.

Brad got the drinks in, with Helen's money that he'd stole from her pocket* and we stood and watched the band. The lead singer of the band is an actor I'm sure of it, I just can't think what it is I've seen him in. I'm sure it was the Bill but as I don't watch it it must have been Eastenders. I shall find a picture! (At some point!)

The band finished and that signalled it was time for us to go upstairs to see the Weightless Astronauts.

The Astronauts only do covers but they do them bloody well but I've love to see them do something of their own. John, the lead singer, is a rather attractive but my view of him will always be tainted by the first time I saw him. He looked like he was auditioning for a Bucks Fizz tribute band! Last night wasn't much better to be honest. Him and the guitarists had awful black tops on with a silver glittering horizonatl stripes running through it. They looked ridiculous! Especially Bernard. Bernard is a fantastic guitarist and plays with MJ in the Lizzy tribute band and has a look that means he should be wearing a Whitesnake of AC/DC tee-shirt, not a sparkly gay top!

A nice man offered to take a picture of us and after finally getting the job done this is the result.

L-R: Miss Boat, Mr. LikesIt, Mr. Landers, Mrs Duggan.

The Astronauts played on, we singed and drank and then MJ turned up as a lovely surprise for Helen.

It was great for him to come out. MJ knows everyone in Galway and if he doesn't then they certainly know him.

The music played and suddenly a very pissed Brad stood up, grabbed Row by the hand and the two of them headed off to the dance floor and bopped the night away.

In a game akin to "Where's Wally?" I'll let you find them in the picture below. It's not difficult.

The band finished and it was time to leave the bar so we headed to SuperMacs for salmonella, chips and curry sauce. Getting Brad to walk in a straight line was a chore but not as much as getting him to decide what he wanted.

"Do you want anything?"
"No.... although now I can smell it I'll have some chips."
"Okay."
"And curry sauce!"
"Okay."
"And a burger."
"Sure?"
"No, I don't want the burger."
"Okay."
"Yes I do."
"Right."
"No, just the chips."
"Just the chips?"
"And curry sauce."
"And sauce."
"And a burger."

He ate it all in the car on the journey home but sadly (although possibly gratefully going by the first half of Wife Swap I saw!) only ten minutes from home we had to pull over so he could see it all again.

Stumbling into the house he grabbed a glass of water, hugged Row and went to bed. This morning I had to kick him out of bed to get him to go into work although to be honest I'd have been happier if he'd have stayed. He slept in his contact lenses, pyjama's are so 80's, and this morning has left his glasses in the kitchen after running back into the house to throw up. I hate to think how he drove to work! Hungover, more than like still pissed, and no glasses! I have to travel the same route when I take Row to the airport so I shall keep my eyes open (you'll be glad to hear) for bodies in the ditch at the side of the road.

*I'm lying, she gave him the money!

After shouting for what felt like hours I finally managed to get Brad out of the shower so we could head off to the airport to pick up Miss. The Boat.

We were late! - but thankfully only by a few minutes.

Back home we had a coffee, chat and a sandwich and then went out.

Our first stop was at Helen & MJ's. MJ was out off clay pigeon shooting but came back just as we were leaving so at least we managed to say hi. From there we headed into Galway.

Park by the Cathedral we decided to have a walk down the path along the Corrib.

So walking away from taking that last picture we noticed a girl sat on the wall over looking the river and a man holding on to her. At first glance it looked like it was innocent playful fun between two happy lovers. Looking again it was as though he was trying to get us to walk on and ignore which instantly set alarm bells off in my head. Looking again, just to try and clarify what was going on the man finally got my full attention. He was in fact holding on to her as she was about to throw her self in!

I've got no idea how long he was there for, holding on to her, but I grabbed hold of her other arm and together we got her off the wall and on to the floor at which point she broke down into floods of tears and tried to tell us how there was no point to anything and we should have just let her do it.

We walked around towards the hotel with me on one side of her and the other gentleman on the other, not really knowing what I was going to do but knowing that I couldn't leave her there and had to get her away from the water. We set on the steps of the hotel and I gestured to Brad in sign to get the Garda. I really didn't know who else to call other than an ambulance and I wasn't going to waste their time with this.

Thankfully the other man saw some Garda in the distance and went and got them. I sat on the steps with this young girl, my arm round her, not trying to probe but just trying to be a friendly face. She sat there crying and told me to go.
"Do you want me to go?" I asked.
"I don't want to spoil your day!" she sobbed.
"Oh don't worry about me, I've got nothing to do!" I lied. I told Brad that he and Row could go on if they wanted and I'd call them when the Garda didn't need or want me anymore.

The Garda were great. Well, one of them was. The lead Garda was brilliant, the other chap was a bit useless.

"What's your name?" asked the lead Garda to which she blubbed out a reply I couldn't really understand.
"How old you?"
"15," she said.

My head was reeling! What on earth could have happened to a 15 year old girl to get her to this level. He asked her where she lived and where he parents were and for some reason (I can only think it's because she wanted to be away from them) they were nearly two hours away from Galway. The Garda explained to her that they were going to take her to the station but she wasn't in trouble, it was just so that she could get a hot drink, get warm, and maybe have a chat with the doctor. She kept blubbing that she didn't want to and that we should just let her jump into the Corrib.

I sat there with her for another five minutes or so, not trying to get her to talk as it as obvious she was in no mood to talk things out, but generally just replying to any statements she made. The patrol car arrived and selfishly the first thought that entered my head was that it meant I could now enjoy the rest of my day with Row and Brad. The Garda asked me for my details and thanked me for my help. He'd been talking to her while trying to keep strangers and by-passers away and it was damn obvious he'd had some form of counselling trainer.

I tried to call Brad to see where they'd go to but as it started ringing I could see him and Row walking towards me.

We walked off around the town, see the sites, seeing the window in Eyre Square.

While sat there Helen rang to say they were on their way to the beach so we walked back to the car to meet them. Sadly the wind was high enough to fly kites although I did try.

After the dogs had got thoroughly soaked we headed off to Silver Strand to show Row the prom and the lovely beach. The tide was in so she saw about a foot of sand and bugger all else!

We got home, I put the dinner on and we sat in the kitchen and chatted. Brad got out his home-made humus which was a tad too garlicky and ended up being just fire in a jar, so rather than eat it he put it to one side* and made some more which went down a lot better.

A quick chill out in the lounge to a bottle of wine and then it was off to The Brogue to sample the Guinness. As the driver I didn't get one but upon our return home I certainly helped with polishing off the wine.

A chat in front of the open fire and an empty bottle later it was time for bed.

I was woken this morning by Brad's devil breath. The remnants of his lava humus still hanging on his tonsils made the air coming out rather rancid so came down stairs and had a coffee.

*I decided to do this entry and upload some pictures to flickr before cleaning up. I have sat here and watched one of the cats jump on to the kitchen counter. It was quite obvious he was going for the devils spunk humus so I thought I'd leave him to it and let him learn the hard way. I wish my eyes were cameras constantly taking picture because the sight of the cats face is one of the funniest things I have seen in a long while! He fell off the counter and sat in the middle of the kitchen clawing at his tongue. He finally managed to get to the bowl of water and seemed to dunk his whole head in there. I'm still giggling about it now! Right, time to prep dinner!

I have to be honest and say I'm not entirely thrilled at the idea of groups.

The last think I'd want is for this place to become MySpaceified or even Facebooked and Beboed but with the arrival of two new tab in a week I'm worried that it will go that way. If it does I will be hastily beating a retreat!

EDIT:
I apologise but it would appear I didn't express myself clearly in this entry. I don't want to delete it as so many people have commented so instead I'll add this edit and try to make myself clear...

I am not opposed to groups. In fact I like the idea of some of them and have joined 1 or 3. People have suggested I have a Bloscars group.

I am opposed to BCUK becoming like Facebook, MySpace, Bebo and all the other crap "social networking" sites.

No it is not like Facebook, MySpace, Bebo and all the other crap "social networking" sites.
... YET.

My worry is that it may become like Facebook, MySpace, Bebo and all the other crap "social networking" sites.

I hope that helps.

Heath Ledger
I don't believe it was accidental. He had traces of oxycodone (Percocet), hydrocodone (Vicodan), diazepam (Valium), temazepam (Restoril), alprazolam (Xanax) and doxylamine (over the counter sleep medicines like NyQuil) in his system. He was a not a stupid man.

Jeremy Kyle
Ahhh! Shut the fuck up! Shut up! How did this man ever get a television show. He was great on radio, a really funny presenter with a marvellous style but on telly he is shit shit shit! He has no idea what he's talking about, thinks shouting gives you the moral high-ground and belittles peoples feeling with his crass shitty words! For Gods sake man you're married to a divorcee who met her first husband the day she fucking married him in a radio stunt and who then rarely spent a night with him! You are not God and you are very rarely right. You do more harm than good.

Dubbed Adverts
I know the cost of making a television advert. There is no excuse for your crap dubbed adverts!

Potential Employers
When I write to you or e-mail you with my CV and covering letter it's polite to fucking reply. Even if it is only a little receipt to say you got my application. Cunningham Motors - thank you. The receipt I got this morning was lovely. It was more than a receipt but less than a letter and I now know where I stand and I look forward to hearing from on Monday or Tuesday.

The Deadly Knowledge Show
I think I can leave that one right there.

The CIA, KGB, MI5, FBI, Police, Army and so on...
If I murdered someone, just a strange on the street, someone who had no connection to me what-so-ever, you'd find me. You catch me, put me on trial and sentence me. Now granted my sentence would be a couple of years in the clink and then a holiday but either way I'd have learnt my lesson. You have all this satellite technology and can spy on who ever from where ever, you have the ability to call on the funds of the entire world if you need it, you don't need to shop at Specsave to get a free pair of specs but why... no, WHY can you not find Osama Bin Laden? Yes the world is a big place but you have the resources!

Fabio Capello
I don't like you. You've got a lot of work to do to impress me

So this morning the pain is fucking unreal isn't so bad.

I managed to throw away two pieces of toast eat a home-made biscuit.

Coffee is fucking disgusting fine at room temperature, a bit like a good claret.

So apart from Esspee, whos household appears to have SARS, Bird-flu, CJD, small-pox and ebola, how are you?

Regular readers will know I have a certain phobia that I find very, very difficult to cope with at times.

The base of the problem is that I cannot watch people brush their teeth and I cannot have people watch me. "Well how often does that happen?" you ask, well you'd be surprised just how many toothpaste/toothbrush adverts there are and how many times people are shown brushing their teeth in films and television shows.

Unfortunately over the year this has developed and got worse to the point that I cannot hear talking about issues with regard to teeth and I cannot cope with seeing a dentist. In fact all things connected with teeth send a shiver up my spine and often make me gag, or shake and I've been known to vomit in the past, as well as cough up blood without realising it because I tense and clamp down on my tongue.

During one visit to a dentist, just for regular check up, I curled up into a ball on the chair and began crying for my mom. When the dentist finally managed to calm me down and explained what he wanted to do I threw up. Sadly his little spit bowl wasn't big enough to hold the contents of my stomach and alas a comedy moment followed as the dental nurse decided the sight of me bringing back breakfast made her want to do the same.

From that day on I was referred to a dentist at a psychiatric hospital and treated as an out-patient, thankfully, by a dentist used to dealing with people with... problems!

He was so warm and kind and had many different techniques to put me at ease, even if one of them was sedation. If I was having a very bad visit I was sedated and strapped into the chair. I had to sign a waiver to agree to this but if it meant dental care without becoming a basket case then that was good enough for me.

So getting on to tonight's issue. I have broken a tooth. One at the back. It felt like half had broken off but when I looked in the mirror it's only a quarter.

Even though it's only a quarter it hurts like buggery. I've gagged once so far and lost count of how many times I've shuddered. I am going to have to see someone but I can't bring myself to even think about it. There is no way I'll be able to afford to go back to the UK to see my dentist and I doubt I'll find one over here that I could trust as much as him. If I go to a dentist I'm going to have to pay and he'll either refuse to treat me because of the state I'll get into or refer me on to someone who'll cost even more.

So what do I do? Years ago I would crush up paracetamol and rub it into my gums when I had toothache and knew I wouldn't be able to see my dentist for a few days. It would numb the pain but days after I'd have a vile taste in my mouth and a slight soreness in my gum, which was nothing compared to the pain of toothache. I was told by the dentist for doing this and haven't done it since.

If I take a deep breathe in then it hurts. This means the nerve is exposed. How long will it be before I can't eat? Tonight's evening meal was a chore? Will it ease off as I get used to it or will I end up not eating.

If you could understand the state I get into and realise that this description is not just me being over-dramatic but is a true measure of how I get and how I feel just talking.

My ex, who knew the state I got into, once came out the bathroom brushing his teeth. He took his toothbrush out of his mouth and moments later he was out cold on the floor and I was washing toothpaste of my knuckles. Brad and I hadn't been together long when he found out about this phobia and a few days later chased me round the house with a toothbrush in his hand. He only realised just how serious I was when he found me huddled in a corner quaking.

I cannot go to a dentist yet I know I have to. The right hand side of my face feels like I've got ten rounds with Tyson. I have a horrible feeling that more of the tooth may come out.

It's 11pm. I will not sleep tonight. Shit.

During the entire writing of this I have clenched by mouth so much it hurts, I feel sick and I could cry quite easily. I want to smoke.

I'm on a roll today!

Welcome new blog friend Phoenix82.

Please welcome Jacobite

Although judging by his friends list most of you know him anyway!

I sent Brad an email...

I don't know what's happened but this modem thing is well fast this morning!

It was zippy zippy zippy!

It's now slow again.

Bollocks!

Gentle viewers please say hello to Midorikaeru

So the space I want to turn into a studio needed testing without any stuff it in... obviously!

And I thought I'd be brave enough to share... I can't promise this entry will stay up long!

Oh my darling Wentworth, how I missed you last week!

Tonight I shall make up for it!

1. I can't stand Lilly Allen.

2. The house the Munsters lived in is now used as the house the gay couple live in in Desperate Housewives.

The other day, after reading comments in someone elses blog, on a blog site other than this one, I added a friend.

A short while later he added me and made a post.

All it said was

New Friend
Welcome Landers

Well I can honestly say I have never been so welcomed! A collection of his other friends have welcomed me and I'll tells ya, it's bloody lovely!

So, from this day forward, I'm going to welcome all of my friends!

I shall start right now by welcoming my latest new friend MiamiBeachBum

I don't for one minute expect anyone else to welcome him, but I shall.

It'll also help me keep track of friends I lose... in fact I might, a little later, do a blog post welcoming you all!

If I was American, I would vote for Dennis Kucinich. Why is he not more popular? Apart from the fact he looks a bit creepy!

His polices...

- Creating a single-payer system of universal health care that provides full coverage for all Americans by passage of the United States National Health Insurance Act.
- The immediate, phased withdrawal of all U.S. forces from Iraq; replacing them with an international security force.
- Guaranteed quality education for all; including free pre-kindergarten and college for all who want it.
- Immediate withdrawal from the World Trade Organization (WTO) and North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA).
- Repealing the USA PATRIOT Act.
- Fostering a world of international cooperation.
- Abolishing the death penalty.
- Environmental renewal and clean energy.
- Preventing the privatization of social security.
- Providing full social security benefits at age 65.
- Creating a cabinet-level "Department of Peace"
- Ratifying the ABM Treaty and the Kyoto Protocol.
- Introducing reforms to bring about instant-runoff voting.
- Protecting a woman's right to choose while decreasing the number of abortions performed in the U.S.
- Ending the War on Drugs.
- Legalizing same-sex marriage.
- Creating a balance between workers and corporations.
- Ending the H-1B and L-1 visa Programs
- Restoring rural communities and family farms.
- Strengthening gun control.
- Legalizing Medicinal Marijuana and decriminalizing non-medical possession.

Of all those the only one I really disagree with is ending H-1B visas and I only object to that because I have a friend who went to the US on one so I know who useful they are.

But this is never going to affect me so I'm not going to worry about it.

Even if you hate Big Brother and all that it stands for this clip, for the last two seconds, is hysterical.

It makes me wee!

So the day I showed you how Hillie liked sitting on the settee and watching telly...

Well it would appear she also likes relaxing in front of the fire...

... to Mr. Spencer for my lovely new banner!

Did you know the Queen Mother had all these titles...

Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, The Queen Mother,
Most Mighty and Most Excellent Princess Elizabeth,
Queen Dowager and Queen Mother,
Lady of the Most Noble Order of the Garter,
Lady of the Most Ancient and Most Noble Order of the Thistle,
Lady of the Imperial Order of the Crown of India,
Grand Master and Dame Grand Cross of the Royal Victorian Order upon whom had been conferred the Royal Victorian Chain,
Dame Grand Cross of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire,
Dame Grand Cross of the Most Venerable Order of the Hospital of St John,
Relict of His Majesty King George the Sixth and Mother of Her Most Excellent Majesty Elizabeth The Second by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of her other Realms and Territories Queen,
Head of the Commonwealth,
Defender of the Faith,
Sovereign of the Most Noble Order of the Garter.

It makes me unhappy with the few I've got! Greedy witch!

There aren't many pictures of me that I actually like but this one I do.

Click here for the actual picture.

And I love this one of me and the man!

Click here for the actual picture.

I feel as though I should point out...

- My grandfather was not Peter Cushing.
- My real name is not Robert Cushing
- I am not Jason Orange.
- I do not have sex with kittens.

Thank you for your time.

Respond to this, ask for a year to write about, and write a post about what you were doing in that year.

Silent Bob gave me 1992...

I don't actually remember much about this year. I was 18 as the year started, in a job I hated even if the people were great, in a relationship I was bored with and still grieving. By the time the year ended I was 19, in job I hated even more than the other one, in a different relationship I was even more bored with and still grieving.

It wasn't as bad as it sounds. I had some great friends and rarely spent a night at home. I was earning more than I knew what to do with and was spending on people I'd known days. I spent my life in night-clubs and bars, falling out of one door and into another. I knew so many people on the scene that whenever I went out I could be sure of spending the night with a bunch of acquaintances.

I was stupid and reckless. I walked around as though the world owed me something when in truth I probably owed it a lot more. I had airs and graces I didn't deserve but no one seemed to question it.

I had no plans for my future because in my head I had no future. Where I am today proves how wrong I was then!

I was a mess.

It would be two years before things would start to sort themselves out.

Sorry I can't write more.

So that was 1992. Now if you want to do this comment and I will give you a year

So now it's Airline... all about SleazyJet.

A plane has been cancelled due to engine problems.

Cue the irate passengers... well I say passengers, they aren't going anywhere so they're ... er.. well, what do you call them other than loiterers?

SleazyJet: "There are problems with the engines, I don't know what they are but the flight is cancelled."
Woman: "Can you find out?"
SleazyJet: "Find out what?"
Woman: "What the problem is. My husband is a engineer and he might be able to fix it."

She was being serious!

Can you tell I'm having a day in front of the telly?

Hello my friends...

Yes... my dear dear friends...

I'm looking for donations... not money.

I need pcitures. Of you. Just one will do.

A head and shouders shot will do but feel free to send what you wish.

Could you please email it to robsfzero@gmail.com

Many thanks.

It would appear our Hillie enjoys watching Homes Under the Hammer.

So while I waiting for 10am to come round so I can blog the nominees I'm sat drinking coffee and watching television. Now there is naff all on and I'm sick of the news repeating the story about the trawler, honestly why give Britney Spears so much airtime! Now, because the telly is crap I'm watching Wanted Down Under Revisited.

The couple are looking to move to Australia. They have a dog. It is going to cost them approximately £1000 to take the dog with them.

"I just don't think £1000 is worth it for a dog that only cost £200," she says.

Our dogs cost nothing! Not a penny and if it had cost us £10k to come over here with them I'd have raised it or we'd not have come! Dogs are for life, not just for your fashionable handbag your vile witch!

This is "revisited' which means I'm going to see what happened... if I can bear to watch before changing the channel for the lovely Jeremy.

If I find out she hasn't taken the dog I'm going to... I'm going to... well, I'm going to do nothing but think about angry it's made me! I may have to have another coffee!

She's just called a place bigger than hers "pokey".

Vile tramp!

EDIT: They're staying in Australia, without the dog... and she says "I really miss my dog!" SO WHY DID YOU LEAVE HIM BEHIND!!!!

Click here for probably the funniest story I've heard so far this year... if you don't include my lovely partner leaving the house without any petrol money this morning!