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I have been made an offer.

It's an offer that I've wanted for about fifteen years.

I've been waiting for it and hoping it would come.

So yesterday it came.

Yesterday, unannounced and unexpected, I got an email with the offer in it. I never expected it to come in an email. I always thought someone would call or turn up at my house but they didn't. Disappointing really but so be it.

I hope you're not reading this expecting to know what the offering is. I've learnt the hard way not to discuss some things too much, only to reveal the pieces I know I can defend or cope with having ridiculed. So, no, I won't be blogging about the offer, but just how it makes me feel.

There was a time I wanted nothing more than to get this offer. I did my research, I did my hours, I took my lessons and I gave others. I sat and I listened.

Through-out all that it was made obvious to me that it would be a long time before this offer was made, if at all. So in my head I accepted that as much as I was working towards it and as much as I was trying to make it happen, it still might not. I could spend the rest of my life wishing but the offer I wanted might never ever come.

It came yesterday.

I haven't told them yet about the move and even thought I know they don't read this blog one of my first thoughts was that I was only getting this offer as either a test or because I was moving so I replied and asked if it was genuine. I sent others an email, forwarding the one with offer in it, and asked them if they thought it was genuine.

Sure enough today I received confirmation, from a few different sources, that this offer is genuine. If I wanted it I could have everything I wanted.

The problem is, this was everything I wanted 15 years ago.

What I want now is different.

Fifteen years ago the idea of one day being given this offer was amazing. All I could think of was how special I'd feel. It worked. Yesterday, when I read it, I found special.

The thing is, I live with a man who makes me feel special every day. I don't need any offers to make me feel special.

Fifteen years ago I would have given my soul to have this offer made to me.

Now I have the offer of a life of complete happiness in a beautiful country with a beautiful person.

I'm thrilled to have had my offer. It still means so much to me and I'd truly love to accept it but I'm also happy to be refusing it.

September 2007 is the best September ever!

Not only do I get to start my new life with my gorgeous man in a gorgeous country but...

On the 17th...

Season Three of PRISON BREAK starts! Woooo hooo!!

So how has my morning been you ask? Well okay no you don't ask but I want to tell you.

Well since Tuesday I've had a headache that just won't seem to go away yet I've come into work every day because I'm such a fucking hero. Chuh, yeah, right. The truth is that I don't want to take time off just for a headache. I'm not going to let it beat me. Anyhoo, right now it's pounding away making sure I know it's there.

Mother rang at 9.30am to tell me father is in the hospital (as planned) but she's had to take all his clothes away or he'll walk out, he's that nervous. He's having an operation to remove his knee caps.

One of our volunteers has been in to tell me all about her visit to the Ladyboys of Bangkok. She's in her 70's, very welsh which makes her slightly difficult to understand and spent the entire Christmas meal with her hand on my knee and even on my aris at one point when we were queuing for our carvery.

Right now I'm the only person in the office and I'm desperate for a poo but can't go in case the phone rings or someone comes in. I could put a sign on the door but would rather not. "Be right back, having a shit!" didn't go down too well last time.

I'm having fun people watching though. My desk is my the window. I can see out onto our lovely high street and I see people walking up and down. The old and the young, the men and the women, the sober and the drunk. Yes, even at 10.30am our street has a pissed person. I'm hoping that we've moved before I see our foster kid stumble up the road pissed.

Right, other than take a dump, I really must do something.