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Just heard this and thought I'd share... I know it's not new but I love it.

And the lead singers a hottie

DC, Brad, Suzee... anyone else...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/south_east/6908215.stm

If anyone ever wants to buy me a gift... this is what I want!

http://www.cafepress.com/shop/supertank/browse/store/esangha.14263280

Now, which one shall I have???

These stories are the same. One is told by me, the other by Billy. You remember Billy… my new housekeeper…

Billy’s Version

Landers and the awful journey to work.

One day, in the tiny village of Llanfukwit, Landers woke up after only getting probably an hour, maybe two hours, sleep.

He’d slept through his first alarm and then turned the second one off.

“Oh dear,” said Landers, “I’ll be late for work!”

He jumped out bed, threw on (quite literally) his dressing gown and ran to the bathroom.

While doing something he doesn’t want to talk about and it’s not what most of you are thinking either he had the hot tap running to get some hot water.

“Why oh why oh why,” he said to himself, “oh why does the hot water talk so long to come out?”

Leaving the hot tap running he pootled off to the kitchen to put the kettle on and to put some washing on.

Back in the bathroom the hot tap was finally giving out boiling hot water and Landers could finally have a wash! He was overjoyed.

After getting dressed he headed back to the kitchen. He filled his travel mug up with coffee and left the house!

“Oh no!” he exclaimed, “look at the rain! I shall get very wet walking to my car!”

As Landers turned the key in the ignition the engine roared coughed into life, as did the radio.

”That was one road travel, it’s 8.38…” went the radio!

“Oh my word,” said Landers, “I must be off, I have to get petrol yet and I only know that because that lovely beeping is telling me I’m low on fuel!”

Landers drove off, away from the house and a few moments later arrived at the garage.

“Oh look, that poor lady has parked her car blocking off all the pumps so she won’t get wet! That’s very wise of her!” he said.

A few moments later though the cuddly lady came out and moved her car so Landers pulled up to the pump and filled his car with fuel. Once full he went and to pay.

As he walked to the counter to pay the cuddly lady from outside stepped in front and got to the counter first. She put her copy of Heat and Closer and some chocolate on the counter and smiled at the man.

“That’ll be four pounds please cuddly lady!” he said.
“Thank you Mr. Man but I haven’t finished. Could you put £10 on each of these please,” she said handing him her gas and electricity top up cards.

He did as she asked and handed them back.
“That’ll be £24 please cuddly lady,” he said.
“Thank you Mr. Man but I haven’t finished yet. Could you do those for me please,” she said handing some lottery slips.
“Here you go,” he said after printing them all out, “that’ll be £39 please cuddly lady.”
“Oh Mr. Man, I’m still not done, could you put £20 on each of these please?” she said handing him six mobile phone top up cards.

A little while later he came back.

“That’ll be £159.00 please cuddly lady,” he said.
“Can I pay with this?” she said holding up her solo card.
“Of course you can cuddly lady, pop it in the slot.”

Five minutes later and after lots of beeping and whirring and noises Mr. Man pulled the cuddly lady’s card out the machine and said “I’m sorry cuddly lady but your card has been refused.”
“Oh dear,” she said “I’ll just use the cash point and get you the paper money then!”
“Okay cuddly lady.”

Five, maybe even ten, minutes later she came back with paper money, paid Mr. Man and left.

Now it was the turn of Landers to pay. Mr. Man told him how much but he must have been very tired after serving the cuddly lady because he didn’t smile or say please he just pointed at the credit card machine.

Landers paid and headed off for work.

“Oh my,” he said, “I’m going to be late for work! I best rush but not break the speed limit! I hope those road works have gone!”

Sadly for Landers they road works weren’t there and the cue seemed longer than ever but Landers had Chris Moyles to listen to and keep him company.

Finally Landers got to the car park, parked his car and headed over to work. He was only five minutes late but he was very very wet from all the rain.

The end.

My Version

- Up fucking late!
- No bastard hot water!
- Pissing it down outside so got drenched going to the car.
- Some fat bitch (I’m talk orca fat) had blocked off the entire forecourt with the car so she didn’t get wet but the owner set her out to move it!
- Behind fat bitch in the queue. She has SIX fucking mobile top up cards that take about four minutes each to top up! Not including her leccy and gas top up cards and three lottery slips! Then he fucking cards gets refused and I have to wait while she gets the cash!
- Finally get served by the miserable cunting owner who never fucking smiles or says please and his wife and kids are all the same (although his son is very cute!).
- Sick of fucking Moyles so put Jokomo on!
- Road works haven’t moved and are even longer – I was at for hours!
- Only five minutes late but considering I’m usually in at around 8.40 and it was 9.05 I was pissed off… and cunting soaked from walking from the car park to the office!

BAD FUCKING DAY! – And I still haven’t smoked and STILL WANT TO!!!!

Ok, we know quite a bit about each other around here but lets dig a little deeper.

1. There are crumbs in your bed cos lets face it you don't live in a show home. What kind of cookies do those crumbs come from?
Animal Crackers

2. You are sitting on the toilet brushing your teeth cos you are hung over as normal. What got you that drunk?
This question quite literally made me feel sick but I’d have to say it would be either red wine or Morgan’s Spiced

3. You have been dumped cos well, lets face it .. you are a loser. What comfort food do you grab? (after sticking pins in a voodoo doll obviously)
Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food

4. Your wife/husband has pissed you off (that means angry in the US by the way ... not watersports) so you decide to go have an expensive gourmet meal on his/her credit card. What do you order?
I start with a plate of mussels, followed by a soup or some sort. Then some scallops before getting the Lobster. After Lobster I’d go for some duck and then a nice big piece of chocolate cake for dessert, followed by coffee and then a smooth 120year Cognac.

5. Sitting in church (waiting for the lightning to strike you) and you have a book/magazine tucked inside the hymn sheet. What is it?
Book – House of Leaves
Magazine – Boyz

Hmmmmmmm .... who do I want to know this stuff about?

I hereby tag .......

BoredRich – Loves to Blog!

LyndLJ – Gives her something to do when she’s back.

ParselySage – Gives him an excuse not to do what he should be doing

Maddogs – So I know how to win his heart

AND…. Abilene! - You can bloody well do it too missy!