Best viewed at www.iamlanders.com

HOME TIME!

TTFN x

Not here...

But here...

http://wonderfullthings.blog.co.uk/2007/07/31/bring_back_what_is_this_campaign~2731908

Pleeeeeaaassseeee!!!!

It drives soooooooo lovely...

New car has arrived! Just got to drive to Birmingham to fetch it.

Some people but not be bothered but I am. Anyone who has watched and enjoyed the 2nd Bill & Ted Movie owes this man!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6921960.stm

hello mrs plz send your email to me to i can s[eak to you with our email my email is iamkamiar@gmail.com plz send a email to me to i know your email very thanks of you for accepting to become friend

--------------------

This message was sent to you by iamkamiar (http://www.blog.co.uk/user/iamkamiar/)

This message was sent through: www.blog.co.uk

I don't know what's wrong but I appear to have woken with an attitude!

- I went to CJ's blog and complained about the Top 100 films to him and Jake.
- I went to Faffa's blog and said I'd prefer a power cut to watching Bon Jovi - True but I didn't have to say it!
- I go to Andy's AV Club and whitter on about Dave Grohl.

But worst of all...

And I'm still shocked at this...

I went to the Juzzzy's blog.... AND WAS NICE!

I must be sick.

Our Router has just gone down!

Right now, that feels like a brick in my ear!

Sorry for the blurry picture

I've just booked our ferry for the move.

We'll be on this one if you're interested.

I've booked a en-suite cabin as well.

Of course I haven't told Brad that and he'll find out either when he reads this or if he answers the phone when I ring him now.

EDIT: He didn't answer.

Go on, who do you think it was to?

My last real phone-call. The last time I could hear someone properly on the phone! Guess which cunt has the honour of, very possibly, being the last person I could hear clearly on the phone...

Juzzzy.

I have spoken to three or four people since then and slowly they have got progressively worse. I'm also noticing that my typing is getting lighter on the keyboard... or so I thought.. whereas the truth is that I can't hear me tapping the keys so much.

Fuck.

What?

So last week my local paper didn't run the article about the Blogathon.

They did this week.

But...

The twats didn't put the (or any) website address! So how are people in this area going to read or donate! They're not!!!

Useless fuckers!

Oh... and the date on the paper... June 25th!

Thank you for all your comments yesterday. I will reply. At some point

I'm still off work my head feels like it's going to be explode and my hearing is worse and it's pissing me off. The headache is still there and I'm finding it hard cope with it so how can I go into work when it sounds like everyone I talk to is either underwater or really quiet, depending upon which side of me they are and with my head on the verge of exploding.

So, have given up smoking, haven't had a ciggie in 10 days, went off to the smoking cessation clinic today just to make sure everything is going okay. Have been given another script fort Zyban and an appointment for two weeks. I spent most of the session saying "what" and/or "pardon" as I couldn't hear her properly.

Anyway, it pissed me off a tad so I tried to cheer myself up by taking some pictures of parts of the little village I'm leaving on September 14th.

Llanfuckwit is situated on the Black Mountains, right on the border of the Brecon Beacons National Park. On one side is Cwmflipflop, a village smaller than Llanfuckwit and then on the other side is Gwarn-Cuh-Go-On-Then, commonly know as GCG. They say that in Cwmflipflop everyone is related by blood, in GCG everyone is related by marriage, in Llanfuckwit it's both!

So here are some piccies of this lovely village, they might look a bit shit at the moment but I will be cropping and editing them, but whether you'll see those ones is a different matter.

This one is the view from the car park by the community centre. You can see one of the many churches in the village along with the vicarage on the right and in the distance is a mountain. I forget which one. Could be Betws, could be another one! Oh well.

Our recycling centre. Interesting eh?

Another one of the village churches. It used to be a grey colour until earlier this year, and now, in the peach, it can be seen for bloody miles. I swear at night it glows!

Wild & Wooly. In the five year or so we've lived here I've seen this open once. The woman who owns it is slightly insane (so I'm told) and earns a fortune of internet sales (or, again, so I'm told!). I wish I'd thought to get a picture of the side facing the church as in big white letters is the word TEA, yet they have never sold tea since we've been here.

The graveyard shown here and in the picture below is for the peach church. It goes around a corner which is on a steep hill, as you'd expect as this whole village is on the side of a mountain. Around 25, maybe 30, years ago the wall, which starts just where the man is stood in the picture of the church a few above, collapsed. The wall goes around the corner and although it starts quite low it gets very high so when it collapse it blocked the road off for a while. Back then Llanfuckwit was a busy little community and the road through it was a main road (which it still is) over the mountain and into Swansea or Carmarthen. Anyhoo, the wall collapsed an all the residents of Llanfuckwit gave a fiver each to have it repaired but as the gravestones had been there so long no one new which ones went where, apart from recent ones, so couldn't place the correct gravestone with the correct coffin and with the ground sliding away it was difficult to tell which coffin was which. It was decided by the community that all the headstones would be placed around the edge of the cemetery, which can be seen here and in the picture below. The monument is one of two that fell but were re-sited.

The entrance to the community centre. Great eh? Almost as interesting as the recycling centre!

The road leading up to the mountain, which you can see in the distance.

The road leading down from the mountain. The shop you can see is called London Hardware. The house next to is is London House. Around 70 or 80 years ago a truck came down the mountain road (picture above), lost control and went straight in to the house and destroyed it. No one was killed but it took them hours to dig out the little girl from underneath the rubble. That little girl has only just moved out of the village.

The Tregib. Our local pubic house run by Edna and Mike. Edna used to be a man. We think.

The main road through the village. On the right, just after the bus stop, you can see yet another village church.

Llanfuckwit's attempt at an industrial estate. Three units. A mechanics, a pet shop and a slab maker.

The start of our road... I live on this road, how exciting!

Still travelling up our road.

This house sold for half a million quid last year and is now up for sale again. Any takers?

The view of the Black Mountain from our road. The peak, which you can't see in this picture, is Carmarthen Van.

And finally the last stretch of road leading down to our house.

So there you have our little village. Actually that's only a quarter of it.

I'm quite pleased with some of the pictures considering they were taken on my phone.

TTFN.

Am off work.

Woke with a pounding headache and have none of my injections to get rid of it. Really should have sorted that! I think I'm going to be sick.

Still in bed but can't sleep because every time I close my eyes I have flashbacks of the dream I had last night in which my mother wanted to kill me! I really don't want to get up but I hate lying here, awake and bored.

Brad was good enough to bring my pills and water before he left for work. I could hear Charley muttering in the bedroom because he's got to get the bus instead of getting a lift off me. Fuck it. I'm sick and care little. Although I do feel bad for Brad having to get the bus. If I'm up to it later I might go out and finally fix his car.

Right... need to do something...

Suggestions please!

H A P P Y

belated

B I R T H D A Y

S U B B E R S

x x x

It's Sunday night...

I'm sat watching Topsy Turvy and organising my address book...

Thrilling my Sundays aren't they?

So the phone rings...

It's a certain someone...

"I'm sending you a picture..."

It's one of those times when you have to say yes but you know that in hindsight you'll wish you'd said no.

I was told I can do what I like with it...

So I'm sharing it!

Go on that ladies and gents... who is this?

I was then sent this...

I was promised (well sort of!) another picture... I am waiting in hope!

Come on lads... even I know you slow down in bad weather!

Anyhoo... time to go plate the dinner up.

Now, there was something else I was going to tell you...

What was it?

Oh yes, I remember...

...this is what I've been blogging about...

Just heard this and thought I'd share... I know it's not new but I love it.

And the lead singers a hottie

DC, Brad, Suzee... anyone else...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/south_east/6908215.stm

If anyone ever wants to buy me a gift... this is what I want!

http://www.cafepress.com/shop/supertank/browse/store/esangha.14263280

Now, which one shall I have???

These stories are the same. One is told by me, the other by Billy. You remember Billy… my new housekeeper…

Billy’s Version

Landers and the awful journey to work.

One day, in the tiny village of Llanfukwit, Landers woke up after only getting probably an hour, maybe two hours, sleep.

He’d slept through his first alarm and then turned the second one off.

“Oh dear,” said Landers, “I’ll be late for work!”

He jumped out bed, threw on (quite literally) his dressing gown and ran to the bathroom.

While doing something he doesn’t want to talk about and it’s not what most of you are thinking either he had the hot tap running to get some hot water.

“Why oh why oh why,” he said to himself, “oh why does the hot water talk so long to come out?”

Leaving the hot tap running he pootled off to the kitchen to put the kettle on and to put some washing on.

Back in the bathroom the hot tap was finally giving out boiling hot water and Landers could finally have a wash! He was overjoyed.

After getting dressed he headed back to the kitchen. He filled his travel mug up with coffee and left the house!

“Oh no!” he exclaimed, “look at the rain! I shall get very wet walking to my car!”

As Landers turned the key in the ignition the engine roared coughed into life, as did the radio.

”That was one road travel, it’s 8.38…” went the radio!

“Oh my word,” said Landers, “I must be off, I have to get petrol yet and I only know that because that lovely beeping is telling me I’m low on fuel!”

Landers drove off, away from the house and a few moments later arrived at the garage.

“Oh look, that poor lady has parked her car blocking off all the pumps so she won’t get wet! That’s very wise of her!” he said.

A few moments later though the cuddly lady came out and moved her car so Landers pulled up to the pump and filled his car with fuel. Once full he went and to pay.

As he walked to the counter to pay the cuddly lady from outside stepped in front and got to the counter first. She put her copy of Heat and Closer and some chocolate on the counter and smiled at the man.

“That’ll be four pounds please cuddly lady!” he said.
“Thank you Mr. Man but I haven’t finished. Could you put £10 on each of these please,” she said handing him her gas and electricity top up cards.

He did as she asked and handed them back.
“That’ll be £24 please cuddly lady,” he said.
“Thank you Mr. Man but I haven’t finished yet. Could you do those for me please,” she said handing some lottery slips.
“Here you go,” he said after printing them all out, “that’ll be £39 please cuddly lady.”
“Oh Mr. Man, I’m still not done, could you put £20 on each of these please?” she said handing him six mobile phone top up cards.

A little while later he came back.

“That’ll be £159.00 please cuddly lady,” he said.
“Can I pay with this?” she said holding up her solo card.
“Of course you can cuddly lady, pop it in the slot.”

Five minutes later and after lots of beeping and whirring and noises Mr. Man pulled the cuddly lady’s card out the machine and said “I’m sorry cuddly lady but your card has been refused.”
“Oh dear,” she said “I’ll just use the cash point and get you the paper money then!”
“Okay cuddly lady.”

Five, maybe even ten, minutes later she came back with paper money, paid Mr. Man and left.

Now it was the turn of Landers to pay. Mr. Man told him how much but he must have been very tired after serving the cuddly lady because he didn’t smile or say please he just pointed at the credit card machine.

Landers paid and headed off for work.

“Oh my,” he said, “I’m going to be late for work! I best rush but not break the speed limit! I hope those road works have gone!”

Sadly for Landers they road works weren’t there and the cue seemed longer than ever but Landers had Chris Moyles to listen to and keep him company.

Finally Landers got to the car park, parked his car and headed over to work. He was only five minutes late but he was very very wet from all the rain.

The end.

My Version

- Up fucking late!
- No bastard hot water!
- Pissing it down outside so got drenched going to the car.
- Some fat bitch (I’m talk orca fat) had blocked off the entire forecourt with the car so she didn’t get wet but the owner set her out to move it!
- Behind fat bitch in the queue. She has SIX fucking mobile top up cards that take about four minutes each to top up! Not including her leccy and gas top up cards and three lottery slips! Then he fucking cards gets refused and I have to wait while she gets the cash!
- Finally get served by the miserable cunting owner who never fucking smiles or says please and his wife and kids are all the same (although his son is very cute!).
- Sick of fucking Moyles so put Jokomo on!
- Road works haven’t moved and are even longer – I was at for hours!
- Only five minutes late but considering I’m usually in at around 8.40 and it was 9.05 I was pissed off… and cunting soaked from walking from the car park to the office!

BAD FUCKING DAY! – And I still haven’t smoked and STILL WANT TO!!!!

Ok, we know quite a bit about each other around here but lets dig a little deeper.

1. There are crumbs in your bed cos lets face it you don't live in a show home. What kind of cookies do those crumbs come from?
Animal Crackers

2. You are sitting on the toilet brushing your teeth cos you are hung over as normal. What got you that drunk?
This question quite literally made me feel sick but I’d have to say it would be either red wine or Morgan’s Spiced

3. You have been dumped cos well, lets face it .. you are a loser. What comfort food do you grab? (after sticking pins in a voodoo doll obviously)
Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food

4. Your wife/husband has pissed you off (that means angry in the US by the way ... not watersports) so you decide to go have an expensive gourmet meal on his/her credit card. What do you order?
I start with a plate of mussels, followed by a soup or some sort. Then some scallops before getting the Lobster. After Lobster I’d go for some duck and then a nice big piece of chocolate cake for dessert, followed by coffee and then a smooth 120year Cognac.

5. Sitting in church (waiting for the lightning to strike you) and you have a book/magazine tucked inside the hymn sheet. What is it?
Book – House of Leaves
Magazine – Boyz

Hmmmmmmm .... who do I want to know this stuff about?

I hereby tag .......

BoredRich – Loves to Blog!

LyndLJ – Gives her something to do when she’s back.

ParselySage – Gives him an excuse not to do what he should be doing

Maddogs – So I know how to win his heart

AND…. Abilene! - You can bloody well do it too missy!

Meet Billy.

Billy is my new house keeper.

Billy cleans and irons and cooks and hoovers.

Billy is also my new bodyguard.

Billy.

Seen the counter at the top?

It counts down the time until we move to Ireland - did you get that?

I haven't changed it or edited it at all.

Yesterday it said "1 month, 4 weeks and 1 day"

Today it says "1 month, 3 weeks and 5 days"

In 24 hours I've lost three days!

It does actually feel like I've lost three days as I'm shattered but I'm also moody. I'm moody because for 15 days I've been on Zyban, the drug that helps you quit smoking. Week 1 you take one tablet a day, then at the start of week 2 you have take two tablets a day. You have to smoke for the first ten days and then on day 11 you stop. I could have stopped around day 7, maybe 8, but right now I could actually kill for a ciggie. This is day 15! The nastiness in my lungs was at 23ppm the day before I start on the Zyban. Last week it was 15ppm then on Tuesday just gone it was 3ppm. I want to smoke!

I've been desperate for one for a few days now and it comes and goes in waves.

Five days without smoking... one wouldn't hurt... one to congratulate myself for doing so well...

Fuck.

I'm such a fucking snob! I blame my mother.

Three people turned up for the course Im running at work.
The newsletter still hasn't been finished.
I wasn't in the paper for the blogathon yet.
I'm desperate for ciggie.
Brad has spent all day at the beach!

So, all that added up equals one bad mood for me.

Until...

I get home...

And there is post...

For me...

A parcel!...

But what can it be?...

Well smack my ass and call me Judy it's my fudge from that beautiful lady Menomama!! My prize for winning a numpty!

And it tastes gorgeous.

So now I'm sat with a coffee and my fudge watching black and white films and as the title says, I'm in bloody heaven!

Thank you Meno. Thank you very much. It's yummyingly lovely!

This is the EasyJet EcoJet.
Currently it has no manufacturer.
It will fly no further than 2000nm and be lighter than other planes of it size and range.
It has a lower design cruise speed to reduce drag.

With this EasyJet think they can reduce their own carbon footprint by 50% by 2015.

But...

What about the increase in planes... from every operator not just EasyJet! Seems a bit pointless to me unless you can get all the airlines doing it and with BA & JAL spending a fortune on the 787 and the A380 and the EcoJet only travelling 2000nm, I just don't think operators, other than EasyJet, BMI and those of similar business, are going to buy it.

Nice try EasyJey, 10 out of 10 for effort.

The photographer did a wonderful job, it's just a shame the model was shit!

What the fuck is wrong with my mouth?

That's what today has been.

As the high-trouser one would say "considerably average".

Nothing special. - For me anyway...

Up until about 30 minutes ago and then the day got a whole lot better.

Now I'm sat on the floor in the lounge in front of the coffee table, watching Sally-Juzzzy Ralphitup, who is shit and it looks like he's forcing people to forgive killers, although I could be wrong as I'm not really watching it!

I had myself a pot of coffee and have just under one cup left which is annoying as it'll mean getting up.

Brad has had today off as he's not well. He's got tomorrow off with toil and is going to the beach with his sister! I hope it remains as lovely as it has been today.

Oh God, Airline USA is on now. I'd turn over/turn it off but as with getting more coffee it would mean getting up and I'm sooooo comfortable.

So, I've been thinking a lot about this Ireland business and us moving. We're going over there without jobs so it's the chance for a fresh start. What shall I look in to? What job do you lot think suits me? When you thinking keep in mind I have qualifications and awards! I won two bloscars (2006), two numpty's (2007) and I'm an honourary Otter! If those don't get me a job in any field I don't know what will. I may start throwing my title around and see if that gets me anywhere... although I doubt it.

I should get the vacuum out! Not for the enjoyment but because there is dog hair that needs coming up. The dogs are malting... as are the cats.

Right, time to go and do something....

As some of you may be aware LyndLJ cannot blog at the moment as she's away at her son's wedding. She'll be back on Friday.

And here is her son with his new lady wife.

Huge congrats to Mike & Caroline

He's a bit gorgeous don't you think? And yes Caroline is very beautiful before any of you have a go at me for just noticing him! I'm gay, what do you expect! (Although I did spend a lot of time look at her dress!)

I appear to be having issues accessing blog in certain ways.

If I click WRITE on the home-page then I can get here.
If I click in from the top menu bar on my blog then it freezes.

I also can't seem to access certain blogs at the moment.

Bollocks!

Anyone else having this problem?

Come on people… lets get some community fund raising spirit going.

If you don’t know why I’m talking about then look here

And the people involved at the moment:

Defo
Juzzzy
Rowthebeat
Me
Bloglikesit
PaulBoyd
Abilene
Menomama
Sallyontour
Ladee-Bird
Charlie007
Maddogsandenglishmen
Subville
Lledeb

Maybe
Chyna_doll
Annameenamoon

I'm in one of those strange moods again.

I feel like I should be writing a rant but I can't find anything to rant about.

Well, I'm sure I could if tried but there is nothing that instantly makes me want to scream and shout.

Fingers crossed I shall be collecting my new car tomorrow. It means driviing up to Birmingham, on my own probably, and the driving straight back but it'll be worth it.

Right, time to look through the Avon catalogue I think.

See if there is anything I want to order!

Hello there my dear dear friends.

You can tell straight away that I want something can't you.

I'm not asking for money this time though.

Yet.

Currently I'm just after some general comments letting me know if you're interested or not.

So... why don't we make a calendar?

The W.I. have done, local teams do it, other charities do it... why not us?

Obviously I don't mean "Oh lets make a blog calendar!" but I do mean lets make a calendar we can sell to raise money for Amy.

It doesn't have to involve getting your kit off although I do think that would be the funniest idea and everything can be done quite tastefully with objects to block out certain parts! If it's all bloggers then I'd suggest computery type stuff.

Any other idea for pictures would be good but try and keep it to something that could be themed.

Clicky-clicky into your blog and view the main page. Place your cursor in the left corner of the page and clicky-clicky the Next Blog.
In this blog that you have visited, leave one comment as follows - Have a great day. Click into four more blogs using the Next Blog icon and enter the comment as noted above to ensure that you have visited five blogs.

MEME Questions:
1. Did you clicky clicky into a blog you have seen before? If so, which one?

http://keepsmiling.blog.co.uk/
http://lostplot.blog.co.uk/
http://ironicfilmreference.blog.co.uk/

2. Where any of the Next Blogs in another language? If so, what language?
Nope.

3. Did you discover a blog that you would consider to be worthy of joining your friends’ list? If so, which one?
http://keepsmiling.blog.co.uk/
http://lostplot.blog.co.uk/
http://ironicfilmreference.blog.co.uk/
http://kenwards.blog.co.uk/
http://misterzerostone.blog.co.uk/

Above

Beyond

Anyone who has not seen this film* is seriously missing out!

* Obviously I mean the full version, not the 54 second clip I've just blogged!

Mother comes back with dad and their friends Sue and Glyn.

Now Glyn used to work for Customs and Excise. Or rather Cuschtums and Exercise and my mother kept saying. He explained that he wasn't supposed to be telling us these stories as he'd signed the officially secrets act or something like that but I found them too funny to not blog them.

So the first one...

They had a Chinese girl in the office who had been searched and found with drugs on her. When they explained what would happen she demanded "Senior Officer Option". The officers there had no idea what she was talking about. So a senior officer was contacted. He went in to the office, explained who he was, and said he didn't know of any senior officer option. Upon further questioning it turned out that she'd been stopped, searched and arrested three months earlier for the exact same offence. The senior officer had told her he could get her off the charge and let her go if she performed certain services... which she did... so he let her go. Sadly for him with her being arrested again and refused the senior officer option she wanted to make a full complaint. Glyn was unaware of the full outcome as this guy was far above him in the ranks but did know he didn't work for Customs anymore.

Story number two...

Glyn was stationed at a port for the early part of his career and while shadowing a senior officer during some training they had a truck driver from South Africa come through. For some reason the senior officer decided this truck driver looked dodgy enough to be searched. So he was fully stripped search. The poor man is stood there, starkers, when he is told to bend over. The officer nudges Glyn and points to the mans asshole and winks because there, hanging out the mans arse, is a blue string. Rubbing their hands together at the find of drugs up this blokes starfish, the officer grabs the string between his thumb and forefinger and pulls out all the stitches on the South Africans recently removed piles, and not a string attached to drugs stuck in his ring piece.

There you go... Glyns two stories... both of which I found rather amusing.

RIght fuckers...

Not my lovely friends of course....

My blog header now has an 18 symbol... you know like films have...

So before you fucking complain comment about my language try looking at that.

Oh and then fucking off... cunts!

Am loving the new look!

Not what I was expecting but still very good.

Well done.

For those of you interested in what we did over the weekend... click the pictures for a bigger view...

The weekend started on Friday night. Big Brother, blogging with the Ladee, and Brad tormenting one of our cats - hence the sticky out tongue!

Saturday saw us in Ammanford for the Ammanford Big Day Out! Or the Ammanford Carnival as it use to be known. We had a stall to try and raise money for work. It worked. We got rid of everything and strangely enough of the other two games (a Treasure Hunt and a Guess How Many Sweeties In The Jar) the same bloke won both!

We finished around 4ish, zipped home, picked Charley and headed up to Birmingham to help mommy celebrate her 60th birthday!

She was out, which we knew she would be, so we had a take away and waited for to come back, which she did eventually, pissed and with her friends Glyn & Sue. I must post a story Glyn told! Someone remind me later! While waiting for mother to come home we saw the most amazing sky.

And a flower!

So then Sunday we cooked a big roast din dins for Mother. She does on every Sunday so as we couldn't be with her during the day of her birthday we did dinner so she could have a day off.

So while we cooked...

She played on the laptop...

And I ate prawns while Brad made Yorkshire Pudds!

Then off to Brads parents to wave them off to Turkey and while waiting I tormented Brads mothers kitten.

15 minutes left at work.

No new car yet.

Hopefully Wednesday.

Finally had a poo after three days of trying.

No rain.

Cleaning nails with a pin.

Bored.

H A P P Y

B I R T H D A Y

S I X P E N C E

x

....like it's the first time.

Well mother seemed to like birthday gifts. I actually thought she was going to cry at one point. As we couldn't be with her until last night we cooked her dinner today. I'd have happily paid for a family meal out but father doesn't eat out on a Sunday afternoon. So now we're orf to see Afflecks parents before the fly off to Turkey, and then we're driving back to sunny Llanfuckwit.

....like its your only sense.

....like the world loves you back.

....like no one is listening.

....like no one is watching!

.... it's what fingers were made for!

Happy Birthday Mom

I love you

See you in about 12 hours x

... gone for the next 35 minutes!

Andy McNab lies!

Me and the Brad... this very evening... take five minutes ago...

GOD HELP ME!!!!

I really want to fucking twat Channel (My way of spelling it!) round the heading with a huge fucking rusty spade smothered in the Ebola virus!!!!

See... as I said... I have lovely feet!

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.3
Mind:	7.7
Body:	7.1
Spirit:	8.4
Friends/Family:	6.8
Love:	7.3
Finance:	7.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Is it fake week for all of Channel Four and not just Big Brother.

Deal or No Deal is on at the moment...

It's the last one of this season...

Is it any surprise that the guy still has the 1p and the £250'000 left?

I don't think he'll go home with the £250'000 but I think he'll go home with a nice amount of money.

EDIT 1: He just accepted the bankers offer of £31'000.

EDIT 2: I'm obviously a very cynical person as the £250'000 has just gone.

I love people tagging my posts...

Some make me laugh... (could you say fuck some more please, i can tag blog entries! fuck! , swear toad)

Others are childish.

But please... please... if you do tag a post of mine... please let me know you've done.

Leave a comment saying you've tagged... send me a PM or something. I don't mind anyone tagging my posts... I tags others... if I can... so I can find them again etc.

Of course, if you're one of the cunts that does it because you don't think God likes my swearing well all I can say is fuck off. I don't believe in God and if he does exist I don't think he's upset with my swearing. I'm quite sure he has far too many other things to worry about that little old.

So, in conclusion...

It's my fucking blog I'll write what I cuntingly like! If don't like it, don't fucking read it!

It is double yellows nearly all the way up the fucking road!

Just before it are white zigzag lines

THIS MEANS DO NOT FUCKING PARK THERE YOU CUNT! YOU BLOCK OFF ALL THE TRAFFIC!

You have to copy the rules and then say who you would like to play you in a sit com about your life BUT then say who you think would actually be cast in the role.

You can give reasons if it is not self explanatory. Then tag 5 other people please

I think I would like to be played by Nigel Harman.

I think I would more likely be played by Steve McFadden.

Erm... I tag... Brad, Abilene, Helly, GB101 and Steve_p

So what is a strumpet?

Well any good dictionary will tell you it's a harlot or prostitute. Some will be say "a woman prostitute".

The origins of the word are largely unknown but some think it comes from the Latin Stuprata which translates in to "to have illicit sexual relations." It is also thought to mean stalk, as a prostitute would a customer.

In "A Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue," (1796), Captain Francis Grose described strumpet as "to have carnal knowledge of a woman, also to play badly on the harpsichord or any other stringed instrument."

So why am I questionning this?

Well, according to a blogger who shall remain nameless, it would appear I am one. I'm not in the slightest bit offended and in fact it gave me quite a smile when I saw it.

There is no point denying it... I am a blog whore... I am the whore of this blog!

Now, who's first? If you could take a number I'll be with you all soon.

I'm not feeling 100%. Can't put my finger on it... it's... just!

Because of this I appear to be having a very strange day. Everyone from the BSL course I'm teaching has just left... all three of them... I sometimes wonder why I'm bothering!

I can't hold of Brad.

I asked for a Coke Zero or a Diet Coke and she bought me a normal Coca-Cola.

"You shouldn't drink Diet Coke! It's bad for you! It's got aspartme in in and thats a laxative!"

Well firstly with the tablets I'm on I could really do with a laxative right now. Secondly I can't drink Coca-Cola, it has too much sugar in it, which is why I drink something with artificial sweetner in it.

It's lunch time and I'm not in the slighest bit hungry, which is nothing like me as I'm fat bastard who is usually starving! I'm sure I have Prada Willis Syndrome.

I really want a cigarette but only because I'd have one around this time of the day, not because I'm craving one, which can only be a good thing. I have that metal taste in my mouth again.

I dropped Charley off at work this morning and was actually nice to him! Considering he's been a little shitbag over the last few days.

Right, I need a slash so I'm gonna have to go.

"Big Issue?"

I have no need to say anything in this blog entry... just watch...

Watch EACH one... At least to the chorus!

I'm quite sure it's the Zyban but I'm feeling decidedly strange.

I'm having trouble focusing, my eyelids feel real heavy, there is a taste in my mouth that I want to describe as tasting like two pence coins and my legs don't seem to want to work properly.

I'm having Minestrone Soup for my dindins... I feel I may drown it or at the very least pour it down my pink and blue pure silk Fellini tie.

I'm now at the Zyban stage where I take two a day and my next one is due at 6pm. Saturday will be my last day as a smoker.

I've said that so many times before but I feel the Zyban will work.

Now... please excuse me... I have to find a way to pin my eyelids open.

I AM LOVING MY NEW PROFILE PICTURE

Thank you Brad x

Bridgend Deaf Club tonight.

For the fun of it and because I’m filming there!

Cheap booze!

Woo hoo!

This morning when I got to work I told Brad how I’d been in Charleys bedroom and there was no way he was having internet access until it was clean.

So at lunch time a text arrives!

Could u put me on da network b4 u go out 2nite plz

His reaction when I say no will be interesting to say the least.

Well I think so...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/6284214.stm

Your Toes Should Be Blue

You're a freak of nature, but that means you take guys in a place that's very uncomfortable!

Your ideal guy: Drunk and willing.

Stay away from: Everyone

What Color Should Your Toenails Be?

You remove someone from your friends list.

Can you still read any private entries they wrote that included your before you removed them as friends?

Me as a Simpsons Character...

Want one?

Clicky Clicky!

I'm very tempted to start writing back in the other blog...

The Paddy one...

Dunno.

I think I've settled in here now.

Of course this wouldn't have been a problem if the foster-child had been cuntingly nosey!

I just spent a while writing a blog entry about free speech.

I’m getting pissed off with all the shit that gets banded around this and other blog sites about how free speech is okay as long as you’re not saying anything naughty!

I decided not to post it because I seriously can’t be arsed to give it the time other people think it warrants so I’ve broken it down into these bullet points.

- It is YOUR blog – you can say what the fuck you like!

- If it’s not YOUR blog and you don’t like what you’re reading then don’t fucking read it!

- If your comment is deleted there is going to be a reason – ask why before you fucking rant!

- If your comment is edited there is more than likely going to be a good reason – once again, ask before you start off your rant! If it wasn’t justified then blog about it and people will join you… if it was justified and you blog about it so we can know to fucking avoid you!

Blogs are personal things and everyone is allowed to say what ever they like!

IT’S THEIR BLOG YOU CUNT!

Sadly there were people on my friends list who actually seemed to believe that THEY had the right to decide who was allowed to have free speech and who wasn’t.

Thankfully I have the choice to change that… and have done!

Cunts!

Our friends in Ireland are having a house built and should have been in for approx. two weeks when we move over.

While their house is being built they are living in a caravan on the site.

This caravan will be our first home in Ireland while we look for something more permanent!

Thought I'd share some pictures with you.

Thank you Helen for these pictures x

Moyles… again!
Once again, all you play is TV theme tunes and maybe the odd track. You are arrogant and self-obsessed! And lets not get started on the thing you do to announce the ramble! Nothing you do is new, you are not controversial, you are just a cunt. And as for Aled… fuck off to Gaydar Radio, it’s just as camp and as vile and as shit as you are!

Foster-Child
The first thing you should do every morning is wash. It’s acceptable for a 7year old to be told to go back and have a wash but it’s totally unacceptable for you, a 17 year old, to be told. And don’t tell me you have had a wash when I know damn well you haven’t!

Dad
You win. You fucking win. And I’m not cunting happy about it!

Drivers
Double yellow lines and white zigzag lines are not parking spaces for you. You block the traffic and stop fucking ambulances getting through! And yes Mr. Driver for Castell Howell Foods I’m talking to you while you stare at me!

Gordon Brown
Up yours butt-monkey! You don’t deserve to be in that seat!

Those who only free speech when you’re saying what they want to hear!
FUCK OFF! I’m sick of your shit, I’m sick of hearing you complain, I’m sick of seeing you go on and on and on and making sure everyone can hear when all you’re really saying is “look at me look at me!”

My own self-respect
I want you back

NOTE: Could also be George & Louise or George & Bob MEME if you get my drift.

Premise:
Remember the Thelma & Louise movie where the two gals go on a road trip and then at the end of the movie, they decide to drive off a cliff together?

Objective:
You must choose a person from blog land that will be your partner in crime. This person will travel with you on an adventure and then you will drive off a cliff together and die with this person right beside you, just like the movie.

Your Mission:
Declare who will sit beside you in the car. Please tell why you chose this person. In a couple of sentences, describe your adventure.
Post your Thelma & Louise MEME and tag five people.

I think I'm going to end up with more than just one Thelma & Louise moment as there are many many people I'd like joining me on my rampage of crime and suicide.
There are sooooo many people to choose from that I'm going to change the meme slightly...

Okay, here we go.

No.1. - Leaving the Restaurant without paying the bill!
I've got to take Subbers with me on that journey for no other reason than I can imagine us giggling away like school girls, holding hands as we run down the street, heels clicking on the pavement, as we dash away from a fat Italian chef, with a big curly moustache and a bolognaise stained apron, waving a rolling pin in the air!

No.2. - Stealing the car!
I'd have to choose JakeTaylor for this. I imagine he'd know which car is the best to steal and the easiest but he'd also choose the right vehicle for style and finesse, keeping in mind that at the end of the journey I'm going to be driving off a cliff in it!

No.3. - Stealing pants of a washing line
It has to be FlickFlack for this task. I see me and her hopping over garden fences, with our grannies handbags slung over our arm, filling them with pants then getting to end of the line, sliding to the floor in a fit of giggles and helping ourselves to a sticky boiled sweet from the bottom of the bag and exchanging bottles of Lily of the Valley or Lavender Toilet Water.

No.4. - Getting drunk and causing a bar brawl
Ideally I'd choose Nick for this but I already have plans for him. There's no point choosing Juzzy as I think the pair of us together would be too lazy to bother punching anyone, or too drunk to aim properly. I'd choose Maddogs but as with Nick I have plans for him later. Hmm... who who who... Oooooh! Abilene! Yes, I choose Abi for this crime. Me and her putting the world to rights and then putting bottles over heads. Causing a stir but then making a quick exit while no one is looking leaving the clientele to beat shit of each other.

No.5. - The Bank Job!
This has got to be Andy Spencer. With his photoshoppery and video goodliness he can make sure the photofits look nothing like us and the surveillance video looks like an episode of Dallas!

No.6. - The Heist!
PaulBoyd. His sense of style (of course I can only go by blog design and the anniversary party) tells me that he'd know which securicor van had the diamonds.

No.7. - Computer Fraud
Maddogs is the man to make all those quarter pennies get diverted into our off shore account. It would also be him and me sending out scam emails but this time they'd be ones you wouldn't ignore and eventually we'd have your savings, your identity and your grannies handbag!

No.8. - The Stowaway
This is were the salty-dog Pirate Nick comes in. He'd get us onboard a cargo ship carrying treasure. Mid-journey we'd storm the bridge, make all the crew walk the plank and then turn the ship around to head back to land with the booty, finding a nice spot on the beach to bury it and then shag.

No.9. - The Exam Fix
Of course is has to be CJ! We'd break into the headmaster office and change everyone's grades and results as well as putting all the nasty teachers with the shitty kids!

No.10. - The Ransom
This is going to take more than just the one blogger so give me a while to clear the back-seat to make room for more passengers. First off I'd go fetch Helly and Mr.G. We'd the drive to Cadbury world and kidnap Mr & Mrs Cadbury and take them to a secret lock up there. Then we'd contact Juzzy, get him to meet us, and then get him to use all his contacts in the media to ransom off Mr. & Mrs Cadbury. We'd have three demands. No.1. Upon release the Cadbury directors must agree to bring back the Wispa Bar. No.2. We want a gabillion pounds paid into the off shore account Charlie created. No.3. We want the working week and the weekend swapped so we have five days off and only work two days.
I'd like it noted here that the Wispa bar is just an Aero!

No.11. - Moonshine Smuggling
Meno comes into the limelight here. We'd fill the boot of the car up with barrels of moonshine and drive across as many borders as possible, selling our illegal hooch to anyone dumb enough to buy. Obviously we'd not drink any ourselves as we'd know what was in it.

No.12. - The Leap!
Here we are at the final crime... driving off the cliff. For this, and I'm sorry if you look at it and think "oh great you've killed me!" I choose LyndLJ. Imagine this... the two of us have taken the plunge and are now sat on a cloud in heaven (because all good criminals go to heaven) and we're looking down at everyone! We've had sooooo many conversations about a myriad of different things that it would be absolute perfection to sit on a cloud and discuss things in more details with no interruptions and no time limits.

So there you go! Sorry for going on for so long but I had a lot to fit in!

I tag - LyndLJ, Nick, Brad, CJ and Subbers.

Sat outside, in the glorious sunshine, after having a lovely dinner with the in-laws. Not looking forward to the drive back to Llanfuckwit. My new idea for aeroplane safety is coming along... Will blog that either later or the morra. The Affleck is sorting out his brothers maps on his phone and I'm drinking an ice cold cola. I have no idea why I'm blogging this... The Zeds would say it's because I'm blog whore... Oh well, so be it.

We came up to Birmingham last night so we could be here for my cousins wedding. Now I'm back on the motorway, on our way to the wedding. It's not driving I hate really... It's motorways! Oh Subbers... I finished The Time Travellers Wife last night... Oh. My. God!

I'm starting to have another idea...

Around planes etc...

You know how they use parachutes to slow down drag racing cars and motorbikes and then they have the ones on the shuttle to slow it down as it lands.

Well people also use parachutes when the jump out of planes… like Juzzy did!

So…

Why not attach parachutes TO planes!

Fig.1.

The small squares on the plane represent small “traps” that hold the parachute.

When the pilot realises that there is a problem and the plane is going to crash he hits a button and BAM all the traps pop open and out pop the parachutes.

Fig.2.

As you can see here all the parachutes would guide the plane, even if in bits, down to the ground gently and more people would survive

Fig.3.

Which would you rather have?

The fiery death scene of A as the plane hits the ground and explodes or the gentle floating scene of B. Yes, okay so you might get a bit of whiplash but surely that’s got to better than death!

...

...

...

...

...

Sorry... just wanted to make Subs look!

*snigger*

I'm going to get killed aren't I?

Just wondered.

As I'm sure you're all aware Brad and I are foster carers.

We're not allowed to mention any names of our foster children on here... or anything that may allow you to recognise them.

After just watching Big Brother tonight I have decided that from this day on when I refer to the foster child who lives with us now, he will be called Charley.

Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off
Fuck Off

Don't speak to me, don't look at me, don't walk past me, don't be in the same room as me.

I will tell you when things change.

I will tell you when you can do any of those things.

Until then please re-read this from the very top... keep reading until it finally fucking sinks in!

You know who you are... if you're reading this at all... oh I hope you are!

The way I feel at the moment the 31st August cannot come too soon. I'll probably change my mind at some point but right now it's how I feel.

Fever, dry mouth, constipation, tummy discomfort, nausea and vomiting, skin rash or itching, insomnia, agitation, tremor and sweating, difficulty concentrating, headache, dizziness, feelings of depression, anxiety, changes in the taste of food or drink, chest pain, feelings of weakness, faster heartbeat, increased blood pressure, flushing, confusion, loss of appetite, ringing in the ears, disturbance of vision, vasodilatation, fainting, irritable or aggressive behaviour, seizures, tingling or numbness, muscles spasm, tremors, inco-ordination, palpitations, hallucinations, strange dreams including nightmares, depersonalisation, jaundice, changing of blood sugar levels, worsening of psoriasis, urinating more or less often.

Those are the side effects of Zyban.

Everything I have to look forward to.

Your Birthdate: June 1

You are a natural born hooker, even if those whoreish talents haven't been developed yet.
You have the power and self confidence to flirt with anything with a pulse, and your power grows daily.
Besides power, you also talk a great deal of shit that enables you to innovate instead of fail.
You are a visionary, seeing the big picture instead of all of the trivial little details, but you use the word cunt too much!

Your strength: Your supreme genitals

Your weakness: Your inappropriate touching

Your power color: Cerise

Your power symbol: The Rainbow Flag

Your power month: February - start of the fashion shows!

I just had this sent to me in an email and it's had me giggling so thought I'd share...

Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. If we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not.

Here is your dose of humour…

A. Follow the instructions to find your new name
B. Once you have your new name, put it in the subject box and forward it to friends and family and co-workers.

Don't forget to forward it back to the person who sent it to you, so they know you participated. And don't go all adult - a senior manager is now known far and wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer!

The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
I = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsies
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name
a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h =waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = lickin
x = dingle
y= gorilla
z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name

a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j =honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s= fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny. Now when you SEND THIS ON...use your new name as the subject. And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your day.

Go on... what are you?

The original video for The Creeps freaked me out a bit but seeing her in the Fedde LeGrande video is even worse! She's a scary scary woman... but I love the track... the original and the new version!

EDIT: Here's the video!... the original AND the Fedde LeGrande mix

I'm bloody well hooked!!!

Hooked I tell ya!

I can't stop and I can't get past this God damn level 12!!!!

Arrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

It should be obvious that, yes, the more exclamation marks you put after a word or sentence then more upset you are!!!

I've had a PM from someone I don't know...

I read you bit about giving up smoking... do it tomorrow .. or the next day. Just ignore the comments about being a dirty tabber

Well... erm... thank you Cat6910 but I don't know what a dirty tabber is and having read back through the comments I don't believe anyone did?

How very strange!

I appear to have gained an incredible power...

I can read other peoples Friends Only posts...

Even those NOT on my friends list!

And some people want to bring back the Wispa?

I'll stick with real stuff thank you... not the tat these people create.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/hereford/worcs/6265548.stm

I miss Fatal

Well appointment over with. Didn’t see Glenda. I saw a Linda Durgan instead.

Very helpful.

Very nice.

Collecting my prescription for Zyban tomorrow!

In 15 minutes I leave work to head back towards home.

I’m not going home though.

In 30 minutes I’ll be sat with a Glenda Morgan.

Glenda Morgan is going to stop me smoking.

She thinks.

I think.

Crap!

Tomorrow at 11.30am I have a meeting with a Glenda Morgan. She’s the woman who runs the Smoking Cessation clinic for our area.

I blame Rachel!

Rach, my sis, came down to see us a few weeks ends ago and told me all about Zyban and how wonderful it is and how she has given up!

I booked my appointment last week and I’m going to beg for Zyban. I think they’ll try me on patches first but I’ve done that and they didn’t work. I want Zyban.

Of course… I have to want to give up first and already I’m trying to come up with reason as to why I want have to smoke! I do this every time. I stop smoking and then find 101 reasons to why I must smoke. The reason could be medical, psychological, crap, but it’s a reason and it gives me the excuse I need!

“Bradley, I have to smoke or I’ll get hives!”
“If I don’t smoke I’ll explode!”
“Cigarettes are made to be smoked and I’d be shirking my civic duty if I didn’t smoke them!”
“BECAUSE I WANT TO!”

Well we’ll see how tomorrow goes!

Right, time to go home!

Tagged by Brad and Lyndz…

The rules:

What sort of fictional character would you like to play in a film?
Tell us, give an example and explain why and tag five other bloggers to do the same

Hmm… difficult… how does one decide? Should one base ones answer on a superhero and come up with a multitude of superpowers that would be ideal for fighting crime and saving the planet or even destroying other superheros. Or should one go for a person no powers, a literary hero or heroine from the past? Mr. Darcy or Sherlock Holmes?

I think I will choose something lile Mr. Henry DeTamble who is the main male character from the book I’m currently reading – The Time Travellers Wife. I’m only about 150 pages in so don’t know a great deal about him but what I do know of I like. He’s an ordinary man but suffers with a condition that makes him travel through time. The way it’s described in the book is that it’s like a form of epilepsy, he travels through time without choosing to do it and it happens at times of stress of panic or even with flashing lights. He has met his wife when she was a young girl, has relived the death of his mother from every angle but has had a massive adventure and I think that is what is drawing me to choose him.

So there you have it. Henry DeTamble is my choice the kind of character I would play!

Now… who to tag… Maddogs, Flicky, BoredRich, PaulBoyd and Shipscook.

My eyes feel heavy, my head aches a little bit and my neck aches.

I think I’m coming down with something.

Which I could really do with out now!

Usually I’d be over the moon at a day or two off, just lying in bed, doing nothing… but right now I have so much on!

Oh… and better news… I think the hearing in my right ear is finally going and as for my left ear, the one I wear the hearing aid in… well I think it’s got incredibly worse.

Joy joy joy!

Right… time to cheer up… I know… lets some put some news on the Bloggingforamy blog!