Jeremy Kyle
I have a distant cousin (by marriage only) who works on the Jeremy Kyle show. He’s quite high up and has the power to pull episodes if he so wishes. On June 18th ITV will be airing an episode of the Jeremy Kyle Show where a convicted paedophile is one of the people chatting. He tries to justify his crimes. His wife is sat with him. She knew of his conviction before she married him. So she could marry him and live with him she put her teenage daughter into care. She then had a child with this guy. One member of the audience was so disgusted by the story she was physically sick.
Pull the episode. Don’t show it. It’s just wrong! Very very fucking wrong!
Drivers
Red lights. We see them every day in various different places. They can often mean different things. Red lights on cookers often mean the oven is on. Sometimes red lights appear on computers to tell you the hard-drive is busy working away. The red light has often been associated with prostitution. But… red lights found at the top of traffic lights… you know the ones that are red, amber and green, well they mean stop. This is very important. At traffic lights it’ll stop you getting hit by other silly cars going through on green. At road works there is often only one lane free. If you go through on red then you could end up facing a truck coming the other way that, stupidly, went through on green. I know, he should have known better maybe, but he didn’t see you coming. In fact, not only did he not see you coming he didn’t see the other five cars that went through on red as well. Now red lights are also found at the back of cars. Sometimes they are there all the time but other times they just seem to flash. These are not disco lights. These are brake lights. It means I’m stopping. Now if you’re behind me you’re privileged enough to be looking at three brake lights. Two just above the bumper, at either side of the car, and then one on the rear windscreen, at eye level. If you see them light up it means I’m slowing down, if not stopping. This is your cue to do the same because if I stop and you don’t, well you will soon enough.
Pendragon Waste Management
The green sheet covering the skip on the back of your truck is to stop debris falling out. It is not a sail. And to the driver – snot is not a breakfast food.
Elton John
You are not a gay icon. You are just gay, and that makes me very ashamed to also be gay. I, on the other hand, am a gay icon* and enjoy the status that comes with it.
Time
You are moving too quickly, please slow down.
Big Brother
Get Seany out. He scares me. His eyes scare me. He is psychotic and will kill someone before long.
Chris Moyles
I still fucking hate you, you useless piece of shit.
*In my world
