Best viewed at www.iamlanders.com

Okay people, go here Clicky Clicky for more details! Maps and directions and plans etc...

http://bloglikesit.blog.co.uk/2007/05/31/le_weekend~2370372#comments

So this is the plan for tomorrow night...

Meet at Bacchus at 8.30pm.

http://www.worldsbestbars.com/city/birmingham/bacchus-birmingham.htm
http://www.beerintheevening.com/pubs/s/17/17229/Bacchus/Birmingham
http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=Bacchus%20Birmingham&w=all (no idea who the people are and ignore the 2nd picture)

I shall be in jeans and a t-shirt... maybe a shirt... but I shall have a birthday boy badge on so you know me... for those of you that don't!

If you are coming then leave a comment and I'll PM you with my mobile number. If you want directions then ask Brad as I'm shit with directions.

Around 10ish we'll move on to Snobs.

http://www.snobsnightclub.co.uk/

Now this place is a dive. The floor will be sticky and it'll be full of 12 year olds BUT the drinks are cheap, the music great and the atmosphere amazing. And as I've always said, it's not so much the place but the people that make the night.

Saturday Day - well I've no idea who is going to be about etc so can't really plan anything but am happy to meet up with people in Birmingham for a tour the shops or bars etc.

Saturday Night - well I'm dancing until around 9.30/10.00 and then it's off to a bar in Solihull.

It'll probably be http://www.bestpubs.co.uk/layout0.asp?pub=131512

Ignore what the visitors say about the food as we won't be eating there. Well you can if you want but I won't be. It's a great place with shite music but it's the kinda place where you find yourself dancing and then coming off the floor wondering why you were. The night revolves around 80's classics to 90's remixes and 00's chart shit but the DJ's are usually from one of the bigger local radio stations and always make the night fun.

So if you want more info leave a comment etc.

Oh and by the way... I'm already planning a Blog Meet for Swansea.

A house full of women. No offence ladies but just looking at Tracey and Carole I’m already worried about the smell. Before you have a go at me please keep in mind I’m talking from experience after living in a house full of women. I imagine Carole is the sort of girl that doesn’t wash as often as she should – and has hairy pits – a bush like a barbed wire garden!

I’m so judgemental, which is a very bad thing considering I get paid not to be!

I shall not be watching Big Brothers Big Mouth as I hate Chris Moyles. I know they’ll have other presenters but I can’t get him or Russell Brand out of my mind so it puts me off that programme.

So far, I have to say, I’m not impressed with any of the house mates although I’m picking Laura as my favourite. I don’t think she has a hope in hell of winning, even more so now I’ve picked her, but I kind of like her… and Lesley.

Laura

I have no idea what she said.

Nicky

Until she made the comment about men I was quite liking her. Not that she offended me personally but … well … just because! She’s still shag Callum Best mind you… but in saying that, so would I. I think she’s too shy to win.

Carole

Bisexual? As if any sex would want it! She’s a good advert for Gillette as Becci said. If she fucking wins I’ll sue! Lesley is gonna think she’s got someone to talk to but she’s in for a shock! Give her a pork-pie hat and she’d be Millie Tant from Viz.

Tracey

Vulgar bitch! She makes me very ashamed to have my lip pierced. To think I could be in a group with her. Angel, you’re buzzing because your brain is rattling around in the deformed head of yours. 36? MY BIG FAT ASS ARE YOU 36! Sorry, did you mean waist? She hasn’t worn make-up since she was 21 but only because lip-stick is too frightened to come out the tube! With that nose and that jacket she looks like Judy from of Punch & Judy fame!

Chanelle

Famous & Rich or a speech therapist in Spain are her careers choices! Well my love please please please, I’ll fund you’re uni course if means you fuck off to Spain. Fake fake fake! You could make a career as a Victoria Beckham look-a-like and you’d probably do better than most of the others as, like her, you appear to be a talentless tramp. What the fuck did she knock for?

Shabnam

Another one who takes about her personality… maybe she’s looking for one? Eye shadow… now, as a gay man who once used to make a living as a drag queen I know a little bit about eye shadow. I know it can be used for various different things… including colouring your eyes… but I also know that when you use it on your eyes… if goes in the area where you EYES are… generally above…. Not ALL OVER YOUR FACE! She’s like a Rocky Horror extra!

Emily

A performing arts student going on Big Brother? Why, she couldn’t be after fame could she? Erm… indie… taking over the country… new music? You thick bitch! Indie is not new! Stupid people annoy her? How does she live? She’s a fucking retard! But, she’s a Lily Allen fan so that kind of says it all.

P.S. – Ten out of ten to the bloke behind Davina with the sign “My boss is stupid! He thinks I’m ill” – even more so when he turned it around and it read “You ain’t seen me, right!” Excellent!

Sam & Amanda – The Twins.

Are they going in as ONE contestant? “If there’s only one fit boy in the house we’ll share him! He’ll never know the difference!” Well darlings he would because you are different and he’d be very stupid to want either of you. As for you being 19… yes darlings; I lied about my age when I was 12! What was with all the fucking screeching? Are they contacting the home world?

I don’t like you. Either of you.

Lesley

Ann Robinsons mother who just says the same as every one else “you either love me or you hate me”, “I have what it takes to win!” Friends of Charles and Horse-face will not get her a win! But… there is something about her. I can’t quite put my finger on it at the moment and I’m not sure if it’s good or bad thing. I shall reserve judgement on her. Erm… is she gonna show her baps and minge on national telly?

Charley

You are an unemployed lap-dancer. This does not make you an IT girl you fucking retard. I instantly hate her and I actually think she’s a man. Sweetie, you are not hot… well you might be but I promise you it’s just a fever. Gonorrhoea will do that to you love.

The House

My Thoughts…

- The new eye logo looks like the test page.
- The Push on the door is ideal and should help people.
- The vestibule is very Willy Wonka.
- The colour scheme is driving me mad.
- I’m loving the bathroom!!!
- Don’t like the oven in the bedroom.
- Pool is too small.
- Astroturf is the best invention ever!
- As if the plants are going to survive.
- Fridge outside? Fill the sink with cold water and pop the milk in there. I did.
- LOVE the Diary room corridor!
- LOVE the diary room!
- Am loving Simon pulling the cables through the house!

So the first break has started and were off!

Once the break is over we’ll see the first housemates go in. Speculation is that it’ll be all females… one of them is apparently a childhood genius… Little Mr Miss Harries?

Right... Here goes!

I've been tagged ... by quite a few people it would appear...

So...

Each person tagged gives ten random facts about themselves. Those tagged need to write in their blogs the ten facts, as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag seven others and list their names on your blog.

I know it was 7 but I decided to follow Jake... although I changed it a bit!*

1. I am deaf in my left ear.
2. I once convinced a spanish bar that me and my friends were from a famous band and got us drinks all night.  They even booked us to play.
3. I used to hitchhike all over the country.
4. I've officially had a stalker.
5. I've been arrested four times.
6. I have fallen asleep during a uni lecture.
7. I once forgot the name of the person I was having sex with.
8. I have six piercings.
9. I have five tattoo's.
10. I once slept in a skip.

*One of them is a lie. I'll let you work out which.

Until further notice I'm turning off the Private Message facility on my blog.

If you want to contact me privately please just leave a comment on any blog entry asking me to PM you.

Sweet mother of all that is pure why the fuck have I been so busy over the last few weeks?

It seems like it’s non-stop at the moment but thankfully all that will change after this weekend!

This weekend saw the in-laws visiting until yesterday, emergency fostering placements (well that happened just before the weekend), visits to Paxton’s Tower and the cinema and eating out far too much.

This week sees me being busy at work, committee meetings, DVD Meetings, BSL Meetings and then the dance show and the tiny matter of my birthday on Friday.

For those of you interested I’m still not sleeping! Oh what fucking cunting fun!

Right so for the warning

- Big Brother starts tonight. The TV programme, not MY Big Brother!
- I will be watching.
- I will be blogging about it.

I know it’s not the most intelligent programme in the world but I enjoy it so there.

I’ve yet to decided if I’ll be doing one blog entry per housemate or where I’ll be doing one entry for the lot of them.

The reason I’m telling you all this is because I know there are people who detest Big Brother so this way you can switch off and not read. Any posts about Big Brother will have Big Brother in the title in one way or another so you know, if you wish, to ignore those.

Oh and Gareth… are you still alive?

So who have I pissed off now?

Another friend has gone and I've no idea who!

I think we should start holding funerals or something when a friends leaves.

I think I'll hold a mini-wake now for my lost friend... whoever it was...

Your Pirate Name Is...

Cannibal Dagger Dan

There is something going on a work.

I’m not 100% what it is but I have an idea.

I think it is connected with a volunteer recruited.

I think it’s about something on her police check.

I think it’s serious as my boss is discussing on the phone what she needs to do about this.

I know I desperate to know what it is, even though our confidentiality policy states I’m not entitled to know!

I’ve just been clicking through blogs.

No one on my friends but following buttons from here there and everywhere and then following users comments etc.

I don’t for one minute consider myself a great blogger but after reading the piles of shit I’ve just read it’s left me wondering why I actually blog.

I know I’ve thought about this before but I don’t think I ever worked out the answer.

So why do I blog? Why do I put my life online for anyone to read? Why do I collect friends that I’ve never met, spoken to rarely on the phone, exchanged emails with and then I do a post that only they can read, exposing my inner most secrets, thoughts and feelings.

As I think about this I also wonder why I read so many blogs. What part of this voyeuristic pleasure do I find so interesting? Is it the insight into the lives of others? Am I trying to justify my own existence and my own life by viewing the up and downs of others? Is it some form of self-gratification along the lines of making my own life better by reading those who may be worse off than myself?

Well, no, I don’t think that is just it. I think there is more to it than that and the main reason I can come up with, which once again doesn’t answer my question, is that I blog because I can.

Simple as!

So it’s simple but it’s not good enough. I want to know why!

I am most sorry for missing ones birthday!

H A P P Y
B I R T H D A Y
M R . G!

Well things finally appear to have calmed down and slowly coming back to normal.

So here, for those of you interested, is what I’ve been up to.

Friday 11th May
- Drove to Birmingham in the afternoon for a dress rehearsal for the show and drove home the very same night.

Saturday 12th May
- Did fuck all and enjoyed it!

Sunday 13th May
- Rehearsed for the stag-do on Wednesday.

Monday 14th May
- Wrote a piece for the CAVS Newsletter at work and a profile of one of our volunteers. Yes Zeds, I did have it checked before sending it!

Tuesday 15th May
- Drove to Ipswich straight after work.
- Met Kev’s other half, Mike, for the first time. He is lovely. Much better than any of the others!

Wednesday 16th May
- Went to the club to set up for the night.
- Went for a walk round the marina and had a coffee
- Went for something to eat at Cardinal Park.
- Went off to the stag, did my act, walked home pissed.

Thursday 17th May
- Recovered.
- Went to Aldeburgh for the day and had fish.
- Stayed in chatting with Kev, watching Mike sleep.

Friday 18th May
- Went to Ramsholt
- Saw the graves of Pirates!
- Had lovely food.
- Watched a dog piss up some diners!
- Went out with Kev, Steve and Ellie (And Brad of course) on the evening
- Spent most of the day and night winding Kev up telling him I loved him.

Saturday 19th May
- Headed over to Steve & Ellie’s to help Kev get ready for his wedding.
- Headed off to the wedding.
- Watched a lovely ceremony
- Had a lovely meal
- Got a beautiful thank you gift for doing the act on Wednesday night.
- Danced to various camp songs
- Got drunk… but not too much!
- Stayed in the hotel

Sunday 20th May
- Had breakfast at the hotel.
- Drove to Birmingham for the dress rehearsal.
- Did the dress rehearsal and took over 800 photos.
- Drove to Wales

Monday 21st May
- Slept
- Went shopping.
- Fetched the dogs and cats and foster child.

Tuesday 22nd May
- First day back in work.
- Caught up with everything
- Went to BSL class

So there you have it. My time since I’ve been gone. I’ll bet you’re all thrilled by that aren’t you.

If anyone has emailed or texted me in the last week or so please do so again as I’ve had various communications problems what with not being home and the firmware on new phone etc. Sorry.

So, I’ll be back to blogging and all that jazz although hopefully on this blog but with a different username.

Did ya miss me?

Fantastic night last night and Kev & Mike's stag do...

Can't be arsed going through it but here are some piccies!

Enjoy!

Clicky clicky to make them bigger!

Well here we are in sunny Ipswich!

We left work at 2pm and headed straight off down the M4 and five and half hours later we arrived.

Met Mike for the first time, who is lovely, and then spent the rest of the night catching up with Kev and sitting on his beautiful balcony and drinking wine!

Mike had bought a wii the a few days earlier so I had my first ever go on one! Bloody great! Have to get one, but have to sell all the other games machines first... which I know damn well I'll/we'll never do!

So today it's off to the nightclub to set up/rehearse for tonight. I'm actually a little nervous about this, as I said yesterday, it's been five years since Mandy came out to play and rather than just having a night on the tiles she's actually hosting the evening! Well, I say she is what I mean is I think she is! I know she's doing the entertainment, which includes some rather strange games, a few songs etc and a balloon drop where the guests can win a bottle champers, let alone all the crap they could win by taking part in my games. And I do literally mean crap! I scoured the pound shops for shit and found a lot!. Everything from The Nutty Professor 2 Giant Cups, a nail kit, some vile things filled with cornflower, a car air freshener that looks like a bouquet of lillies... sorry I mean should look like a bouquet of lillies but instead looks like a a lot of purple shit piled on top of a funnel.

Right, off for breakfast.

Tata x

P.S. Thank you to everyone who left comments about my faux pas yesterday... I did apologise... straight after I'd fucked up... and we had a giggle about it... and then I told him off for smoking blue candles!

Right, so in 25 minutes I begin the five-hour drive to Ipswich.

Once there I will spend the evening relaxing with Kev, catching up and maybe getting drunk.

Tomorrow night I will be performing as my alter ego – Aunty Mandy. Mandy has been in retirement for five years so I do wonder just how she’ll cope after such a long break from the stage.

Thursday and Friday I’ll be doing bugger all then on Saturday we’ll be attending what is going to be the gay wedding of the year. Elton John and My Partner David Furnish have nothing on these two!

Before I head off I’d like to give you a little instruction on how not be to be cunt.

Do not enter your foster child’s bedroom while he is out to fetch a washing basket.

If you have to then ignore the fact that a drawer is missing from a set of craft drawers.

If you can’t ignore it then do not look under the desk for it.

If you have to look under the desk then make sure you ignore the tobacco tin hiding at the back.

If you can’t help yourself and have to grab for the tin then do not look inside.

If you do look inside try to ignore the block of cannabis resin found inside.

If you can’t ignore it then do not put it in your safe and call the department (who advise you to call the police).

If you have to do that then do not confront the foster child about this.

I cannot stress this enough! DO NOT CONFRONT THE CHILD ABOUT THE CANNABIS RESIN FOUND IN THE TIN!

Not because it’s against his human rights! Not because it’s breaking his right to privacy!

But because if you’d looked closer

- before shouting at the child for being a liar
- before threatening to call the police

You’d have made an amazing discovery!

“And what would this discovery be?” I hear you call…

Well it would be the fact that cannabis resin has the same consistency and look and feel as a lump of blue wax (an old birthday candle) covered in ash!

Obviously I didn’t do any of this… it was all recounted to be by …er… by another foster carer, yes that’s it, another foster carer did it, not me. No. Never.

Shit!

I don't for one minute belive in a conspiracy... but I have to say, this little tidbit does make me think!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/theeditors/2007/02/part_of_the_conspiracy.html

Arrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

I fucking hate having to listen to noisy eaters!

Even more so when it's the foster-child who has been told before!

Sitting there slurping away at a bowl of cereals! Scrapping his spoon along the bottom of the bowl just to make sure he gets every last droplet of milk!

Supping at a spoon with about 5ml's of milk on it! Heaven forbid he should fucking miss any!

slurp
slurp
slurp

It's drives me fucking insane! And I'm damn sure he knows it!

Expect a rant later!

Bah. Fucking mornings!

Just testing something.

Sat at my desk...

Donna is cleaning...

Randomly she says...

"My passage is in a right state... hasn't seen any action in years!"

Cue me, giggling and sniggering away on my own...

For your information...

H A P P Y
B I R T H D A Y
M O L T Y!

r>

I got my name in lights with notcelebrity.co.uk

While working on the newsletter for the volunteers at work (yes Juzzzy, it's spell checked a million times by people more qualified than me) I have found these things out... (they go on the back page for a bit of fun!)

Facts…
A dog was the first in space and a sheep, a duck and a rooster the first to fly in a hot air balloon

The pig is rated the fourth most intelligent animal but are mentioned only twice in the Bible

In 1961, Matisse's Le Bateau (The Boat) hung upside-down for 2 months in the Museum of Modern Art, New York - none of the 116,000 visitors had noticed.

The Statue of Liberty is the largest hammered copper statue in the world.

In 1816, Frenchman J.R. Ronden tried to stage a play that did not contain the letter "a." The Paris audience was offended, rioted and did not allow the play to finish.

The length from your wrist to your elbow is the same as the length of your foot.

Unless food is mixed with saliva you cannot taste it.

The ozone layer averages about 3 millimetres (1/8 inch) thick.

The Sahara desert expands at about 1km per month.

There are 1040 islands around Britain, one of which is the smallest island in the world: Bishop's Rock.

An atomic clock is accurate to within 1 second in 1,7 million years.

A fathom is 1,8 metres (6 feet).

The first electronic mail, or "email", was sent in 1972 by Ray Tomlinson. It was also his idea to use the @ sign to separate the name of the user from the name of the computer.

Sound travels through water 3 times faster than through air.

In 1913, the Russian Airline became the first to introduce a toilet on board.

In 1870 there also were more Catholics living in London than in Rome.

Half the world's population is under 25 years of age.*

New Zealand is home to 4 million people and 70 million sheep

The shortest war on record took place in 1896 when Zanzibar surrendered to Britain after 38 minutes

There are 92 known cases of nuclear bombs lost at sea.

When killed in battle, Japanese officers were promoted to the next highest rank.

The doors that cover US nuclear silos weigh 748 tons and opens in 19 seconds.

*Nice to know I'm still in this bracket!

Anagrams
Mother-in-law is an anagram of Woman Hitler.
The Morse Code is an anagram of Here come dots.
Slot machines is an anagram of Cash lost in ‘em.
Clint Eastwoord is an anagram of Old West Action.
Election Results is an anagram of “Lies! Let’s recount!”

And my favourite… ”eleven plus two” is an anagram of “Twelve plus one”

Alone

Another night with stammered sleep!

Joy!

Ug

The club we'll be going to on Friday night is Snobs

Snobs Nightclub?29 Paradise Circus?Queensway?Birmingham?B1 2BJ
Go take a look - http://www.snobsnightclub.co.uk/

The Dance show on Saturday will be at:

Solihull Arts Complex
Library Square
Homer Road
Solihull
West Midlands
B91 3RG

As for hotels... LyndLJ found these...

http://www.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&rls=SKPB,SKPB:2006-44,SKPB:en&q=hotels+and+bed+%26+breakfast&near=Birmingham&sa=X&oi=local&ct=title

The Great Barr Hotel
3 Pear Tree Dr
Sandwell, B43 6HS
0121 357 1141

The Sheridan House Hotel
82 Handsworth Wood Road,
Handsworth Wood
Birmingham, B20 2PL
0121 554 2185

There is also the Formula One - http://www.hotelformule1.com/formule1/fichehotel/gb/for/3073/fiche_hotel.shtml - BUT ignore the picture on the website... the Birmingham one looks NOTHING like it!

I'd also really suggest you try Travel Lodge. I've found rooms from £26 per night.

Essentially, you have the post codes of the Friday night and Saturday night venue so you can find some close to that.

If you need any more help PM me with questions etc.

So here’s the thing…

Friday 1st June – My Birthday – Meet up somewhere then off to Snobs… a nightclub where the drinks are VERY cheap… but it’s full of 17 year olds… who we can ignore and just have fun.

Saturday 2nd June – Meet up some time during the day then on the evening come and see Brad and I dance in a show! It’ll be a lot of fun and it’s all for charity. It’s £5 a ticket and if you want to come I need to know ASAP!

You can pay for your ticket via Paypal by click on the button about the poll in the side bar to the right. (Left if you’re looking from the back of the monitor!)

You don’t have to pay by paypal. You can send me the money. PM me if you wish.

It’s £5 each and it’s the show on Saturday 2nd June 2007 If you click on the button remember to say how many tickets you want.

If you can’t make it, don’t worry but I just need to know.

If you can DEFIN ATELY make it but can’t afford it at the moment then let me know and I can sort something out!

We’d love to see you there on either day and would really love it if you could do both.

Here’s hoping!

Please can I go back to bed?

How dogs and cats think...

Age

Andy blogged a thing about what your desktop, on your 'puter not your actual desk, looks like.

Here is my work one... will do the personal one when I get home.

Look what I found while searching for stuff..

http://ageing-hippie.newsvine.com/_news/2007/04/29/690978-gay-but-not-welsh-to-everyone-quite-literally

Remember the course I was doing...

Remember I said I was waiting for more results...

Well I got them last week; I just forgot to tell you about them...

So, for some brighter news this morning ( )...

Lesson 12 – 100% (Woo hoo – yay me!)
Lesson 13 – 100% (Woo hoo again!)
Lesson 14 – 83%
Lesson 15 – 100% (Woo hoo!)
Lesson 16 – 100% (Woo hoo once more!)
Lesson 17 – 100% (OMG! shoes!)
Lesson 18 – 100% (!!!)
Lesson 19 – 100% (?)
Lesson 20 – 75% (Eastenders was on!)
Lesson 21 – 63% (Oh dear – must have been Prison Break!)
Lesson 22 – 100% (Woo hoo again!)
Lesson 23 – 100% (Anyone would fink I was clever – I’m not, far from it, Juzzzy will tell you that!)
Lesson 24 – 88%

So there you have it. I should received my certificate soon and now it means deciding if I want to move on to the next stage not.

Hmm...