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I felt shattered earlier so decided I'd have a bath, relax fully and at least be nice and clean for working in the morning.

As I hadn't done it for a while I thought I'd pamper myself so I got our little bath cushion out and stuck it to the back of the bath for my head, took my book in with me and was planning on hollering Brad in about an hour and ordering a tea.

So with my book in easy reach I gave myself a quick facial massage and then covered myself in a lovely face-pack. Even straight guys should do this as it leaves your skin feeling and looking great. I may have a face like a bag of hammers but at least my skin is nice.

Covered in grey mud and resembling John Majors spitting image dummy rather than myself I grabbed my book and lay back.

I could not relax. At all. Something was making me feel uneasy.

I put the book down and sat forward and that was when a wave of emotion hit me. Suddenly I felt something very bad was going to happen. I washed the face-pack off, gave myself a quick wash and got out the bath.

I'm now sat in the lounge, fag in one hand, Grouse in the other and I do not feel any better. I honestly feel like someone is going to ring any minute and tell me some horrific that is going to upset me. I cannot get this thought out of my head.

I feel sick... and a bit like a freak!

Mom & Dad flew out to Spain last Thursday. Their second home. Now regular viewers will know that I have a very difficult relationship with my father. To put it simply, I hate the fucker.

This morning though, my phone rings and it's my mother. I'm glad she rang as it gave me a chance to wish her a happy mothers day. Something which, sadly, she won't be having. It appear the old man has fallen. He's due for an operation on his knees as he has trouble walking and now he's come a cropper and fallen onto them.

They are busy looking for a flight home. They can get one for £60 each but they won't pay it out of principle because the flights out only cost them a couple of quid each.

Now I'm torn. I feel for my mother, who I love dearly, but suddenly hearing that the old man has fallen made me wonder if I should make an effort to make things up with him. All I ever wanted from him was an apology and I know I'm never going to get that but I've given in so many times that this time I decided to stick to my guns and try and wait or force an apology out of him.

The part of me that hates him keeps telling me that I shouldn't care and shouldn't have rang mother back and offered to pay for the flights.

Bollocks.