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ONLY ONE FULL DAY LEFT PEOPLE!!!

Get your votes in and your votes for Moira's Award in!

Ladies and Gentlemen I need your help.

Listed below are the top twenty cities in the UK.

What I’d like you to do is look at the list and think of three places that say a lot about that city. Places that maybe define it.

It can be a statue, a street sign, an actual place… anything that is an actual physical thing not a feeling or a saying or anything like that.

You can either leave a comment here, email me at ukcityprojects@gmail.com or download the excel form and email it back to me.

If you could also pass this on to people that would be a great help. Thank you.

The cities:

London
Birmingham
Leeds
Glasgow
Sheffield
Bradford
Edinburgh
Liverpool
Manchester
Bristol
Cardiff
Coventry
Leicester
Belfast
Nottingham
Kingston-Upon-Hull
Plymouth
Stoke-on-Trent
Wolverhampton
Derby

3 days left people!

On Wednesday I'll give you the details of what wil be happening next and how voting for the winners will work!

Ooooh it's all exiting ain't it?!

Well, I think so!

3 days left people!

On Wednesday I'll give you the details of what wil be happening next and how voting for the winners will work!

Ooooh it's all exiting ain't it?!

Well, I think so!

Shh...

Please talk quite slow and don't shout!

A very good night had by all but I am now suffering for it! Oh well!!

Time to go see the Lesbo's, collect the Foster-Brat and take the woofies up the mountain!

Is fresh really all that good for a hangover?

Shh...

Please talk quite slow and don't shout!

A very good night had by all but I am now suffering for it! Oh well!!

Time to go see the Lesbo's, collect the Foster-Brat and take the woofies up the mountain!

Is fresh really all that good for a hangover?

Off out on the razz tonight...

Sorry if I call anyone in a very pissed state!

*ahem*

A huge huge huge thank you goes out to that Andy fella!

Look at my spectacular blog header!

Wooo hooo!!!!

THANK YOU ANDY

The link is an online petition to get Ruth Kelly out of our government. She is the minster for woman and equality. Her only qualification in this is that she's a woman but even that is questionable. She is certainly NOT for equality!

http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/kellyweu/CffLJwCmHvQlAbQkv2Aw26Z

Click the link then go sign it!

Please!!!

You have one week left.

Next Wednesday sees us hit January 31st and at 23:59:59 the nominations for the 2007 Bloscars will close. Any nominations received after that will be ignored I’m afraid so this really is your final week to get your nominations in.

That includes nominations for the Moira Smith Award! Although I received quite a lot of nominations for her award already there are still a lot of that haven’t voted for this one.

At some point within the week after the nominations close I’ll announce which five people are up for each award and then voting begins!

I don’t know about you but I’m excited!

So hurry up… get your votes in… download a form from the Bloscars blog and get your nominations in and don’t forget to send in your nominations for the Moira Smith Award!

Email that and your nominations to Bloscars@googlemail.com

Enjoy!

I have had the strangest conversation at work today. I kid you not it went like this…

Her: Hello?
Me: Hello it’s Rob from XXXX XXXX
Her: Oh yes?
Me: Is Gwyn there please?
Her: Who?
Me: Gwyn.
Her: Oh, no I’m sorry he’s not. Can I help you?
Me: I think so; I’d like to book the hall please.
Her: You want to what?
Me: Book the hall.
Her: The who?
Me: The hall. I want to book the hall.
Her: What hall?
Me: The pensioner’s hall?
Her: The what?
Me: The pensioner’s hall!
Her: Oh! You need to speak to my husband and he’s not here.
Me: When will he be back?
Her: What?
Me: When will he be back?
Her: Who?
Me: Gwyn.
Her: No I’m sorry he’s not here right now, you’ll have to call back.
Me: What time should I call back?
Her: Well I don’t know. What did you want?
Me: To book the pensioners hall.
Her: Let me get his diary.

She returns ten minutes later.

Her: Hello?
Me: Hello.
Her: Can I help you?
Me: I wanted to book the hall.
Her: The what?
Me: The pensioner’s hall. I wanted to book the pensioners hall.
Her: Oh yes, I was getting the diary. Hold on.

This time it’s five minutes before she returns.

Her: Hello?
Me: Hello.

You can imagine at this point I’m worried that she’s forgotten what she gone for. Thankfully she hadn’t.

Her: I’m afraid I can’t find the diary.
Me: Well can I leave a message.
Her: A what?
Me: A message.
Her: Of course. Let me get some paper and a pencil.

And off she went again for approximately five minutes.

Her: Hello?
Me: Hello.
Her: Right, I’ve got the diary. When did you want the hall?
Me: The 16th February.
Her: This year or next.
Me: This year.
Her: Okay, let me just find the month.

She actually put the phone down (on the side not hanging up!) at this point and I could hear her flicking through the pages.

Her: (in the back ground) January… February… March… April… May… June! Okay, the 16th of June.
Me: No February.
Her: June and February?
Me: No, just February.
Her: When?
Me: 16th February.
Her: Right.

She flicks through the months again.

Her: I’m sorry the 15th February is fully booked.
Me: No, the 16th.
Her: Yes that’s free.
Me: Can I book it please.
Her: Yes. Who are you?
Me: Rob.
Her: Who?
Me: Rob.
Her: Who?
Me: Rob.
Her: Where are you from?
Me: XXXX XXXX
Her: Okay.
Me: So it’s booked.
Her: Yes.
Me: Thank you. Do I still need to speak to Gwyn?
Her: Who?
Me: Gwyn.
Her: What about him?
Me: Do I need to speak to him still?
Her: What for?
Me: About the hall?
Her: The what?
Me: The hall. Do I still need to speak to Gwyn about booking the hall?
Her: No, I can do that, when do you want it?

I actually started crying at this point.

Me: I just booked it for the 16th February.
Her: Hang on I’ll check. No I’m sorry it’s booked by XXXX XXXX on that day.
Me: Oh well never mind. Thank you. Bye.

Having established that it was booked on the day I wanted it… by me… I gave up.

Anyone remember when I said the other week that I'd lost two blog friends and couldn't work out who they were?

Well I've just worked out who one of them is.

No word about why... no reasons... and from looking at the friend’s list I'm the only one that has been booted.

Oh well, each to their own and all that.

I wonder what I did?

Jade Goody
I’m sick of hearing about her! Personally I don’t think she was racist but that’s only because my views on actually being racist differ from being labelled a racist and I really can’t be arsed going into it or given any more airtime! However, she was a bully, but always has been so why is it causing so much fucking hype? She’s still the snotty faced crying blimp she ever was!

Crossing the Road
To all children, old people, blokes who think they know better and women with prams: USE THE FUCKING CROSSING THAT IS 20 YARDS DOWN THE ROAD!!! That way not only will I not try and kill you as you try and dodge the traffic but others cars won’t blast their horns at you as you piss them off as well as me!

Cycylists!
Congratulations on saving the planet from even more carbon emissions but the law states that if you know there is a car behind you (and looking every now and again would be a good help) then you MUST go in single fucking file! Not stay side by side, three wide, while chatting about which way to go! GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY!

Radio Presenters (and news readers)
“Err…” is not a word to use to fill in. It means to be mistaken… to err is human etc… if you’re reading the news your reading from a script so you have no fucking excuse! If you’re not using a script then during the song decide what you’re going to say when it finishes. If you can’t think of anything without using “err” then play another record. If after the second song you still can’t think of anything then you shouldn’t be in the fucking job! And yes, I do mean YOU Edith Bowman! I can’t stick Colin Murray but since he stopped holding you hand you’ve become even worse!

And a final note…

Minority groups that stand together and fight for one single cause become a majority group! We’re all different, we’re all unique. What goes for one might not for another but it doesn’t make it wrong… within reason! If you don’t like it then don’t do it but don’t fucking criticise those that do do it and do it well. Obviously there are exceptions to this rule but we won’t go there.

It's blog entries like the ones below that reallty do make up for the twat mentioned in the previsou entry.

Thank God that bloke is in the minority!

http://lyndlj.blog.co.uk/2007/01/21/a_little_rant~1593832
http://theachaprinciple.blog.ca/2007/01/21/gay_adoption_aamp_social_services~1595161

Oh... and if you want a great reasoned argument, unlike a rant full of swearing and anger from me... then go here http://bloglikesit.blog.co.uk/2007/01/21/what_a_twat~1594019 . A great blog post that says it all.

How very interesting...

Anyone else think Brad and I should stop fostering right now?

http://talkspace.blog.co.uk/2007/01/20/look_mum_errr_mum_dad_err_mumdad_thingy~1586292

How did I do that?

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

Right, let me explain something about how the Bloscars work. This is for those of you who don’t know, who didn’t take part last year and for those of you who have been lied to by some small-minded blogging wankers.

I do not choose who wins.

I do not look at my friends list and pick people off it.

Last year there were a few winners who weren’t on my friends list.

This is how it works.

Stage One

- Bloggers nominate up to THREE people per category, who THEY (not I!) think deserve to win that award.
- This happens for ALL awards apart from the award dedicated to Moria where you only get to choose ONE person rather than three.
- As they come in I collate them. I do this by writing down the name of the person nominated under each award. If they get another vote they get another line next to their name. Every five votes they get a line through them, thus making it easier for me to count when the nominations close. This, I believe, is called “Gate Counting” but if any knows the real name for it please feel free to correct me.
- Nominations close at 23:59:59 on January 31st 2007. Any nominations received AFTER that will be ignored.

Stage Two

- I go through all the nominations for each award and count up which FIVE people has the highest number of votes.
- Those FIVE people get blogged about and VOTING starts.
- Bloggers, NOT ME, now get to VOTE for ONE person from the each five in each award. They don’t have to but the option is there.
- As with the nominations each person who gets vote gets a mark next to their name,
- Once the VOTING closes I look at each award and see which person from the FIVE has got the most votes. THAT PERSON IS THE WINNER!

Stage Three

- I do ONE blog entry for EACH award.
- I offer the winners the chance to receive a prize. I did this last year but due to circumstances totally within my control it was not done. This year I promise it will be and already have in mind what the winners will be getting. If the winner wants to receive his or her gift then they must PM their address, or at least an address to send it to.

So bloggers, you’ll see (I hope), that I actually have VERY little to do with who wins other than counting! And yes, if someone as simple as me can count!

So, if you’ve been lied to by some sanctimonious asshole who thinks the top twenty is their playground to abuse with forty posts (of crap or cut & pasted news) and then build your stats up by getting your friend(s) to have a conversation in comments rather than either using email, PM’s, IM’s or picking up the fucking phone, then I hope this now shows you exactly how the Bloscars do work.

I apologise for maybe seeming angry, or using language you might not like, but I’m sure you’ll understand that by thinking it’s just me that makes up the winners it’s not just me who gets offended. Let alone LJ and AJ who have put so much work into unbiased reports of other bloggers and graphics for your blogs, but it’s you lot who actually took the time to vote, who took the time to download the form and email it back to me, it’s you lot that deserve the credit for all this not me. All I did was have the idea and a million people a day have a million ideas but its you lot that make it work!

So far the no smoking thing is going okay. I did have a little relapse last night but I was stressed and with smoking friends!

Not actually getting cravings thanks to the patches (Cheers Fatal x) but am still getting the habit cravings. If I have a coffee it just seems natural to light up. After a meal it feels as though something is missing and if I get angry then it as though my usual calming instruments is no longer there.

I’ll be honest, I don’t feel better for it yet but it has only been three days and I did lapse last night and not even three full days, this is just the third morning.

I’m going to stick with it. I think!

I decided about a week ago that when my duty free fags ran out I’d stop smoking.

It would appear I planned it perfectly that my last pack would finish at the end of an evening so I could go to bed and wake up a non-smoker.

So this morning I woke up, made a coffee and stuck a patch to my arm.

I wonder how long this attempt will last?

And to think this was filmed at our local school!!!

So, chatting with that fella Andy this evening…

I had my three-month “are-you-good-enough-to-keep-your-job-you-worthless-piece-of-shit” evaluation today!

It all went well but we started talking about how I used to have to give a six weekly progress report in one job and how it got very boring.

“Last week I did do this and it was very good and it was fun and I did like it lots and lots and would like to keep doing thank you sir.”

He suggested I spice it up a bit…

Well a week on Monday I have to give my report to the directors about what I’ve been up to for the last few months. Well quite literally not a lot has changed since I gave my last report.

So AJ suggested I do it as a Haiku!

Now…

Imagine me talking like Mrs. Raven from My Hero. For those of you unaware of the classic comedy character (although the programme was a bit shit) she had a VERY broad Brummie (Not that I have one of those! – Shut up Beale! accent and was very monotone but highly hilarious…

forever passes the
time immortal at work
bugger all different

For some reason I have found this fucking hysterical and cannot stop laughing about it so thought I’d share it with you!

Thursday morning, at 8.30am, I was just about to leave the house for work when there was a knock at the door.

A man stood there, suited and booted, with a clipboard in his hand.

“Mr. Paddy?” he asked.
“Yes, that’s me. Can I help you?”
“I’m from the Andrew James Enforcement Agency. I’m here to collect £281.64 in unpaid business rates for a property where you had a shop?”
“No! We don’t owe that and I’ve been discussing it with the council since time began?”
“Well they say you do and I either need the money or I’m going to take your cart and the horse!”
“Well… err… fuck! Look, can you come back tomorrow? We get paid then and I can either pay or sort it out with the council today?”
“No I can’t but how are you going to pay tomorrow? Is it by card?” he asked.
“Yes, by card.”
“If you give me the number now it’ll save me coming out tomorrow and I won’t put in through until tomorrow.”
“Right, that’ll do then.”

So he takes my card number and off he pops.

So I ring the council. I explain that we appreciate we owe something but not that much and that this has been going on since August. Shocked at the amount Mr. Bailiff wants Mr. Council agrees to put the account on hold for 28 days while this matter is sorted.

I ring Mr. Bailiff but he doesn’t answer his phone so I leave a message. Mr. Council goes to his website and sends them a message informing them that the account is on hold.

So what does Mr. Bailiff do on Friday? He takes the fucking money!

I don’t find out until Saturday when my card gets refused while shopping so I ring Mr. Bank.

I explain nicely to him what has happened and he, all nicely nicely, informs me that technically it’s an unauthorised transaction but for banking reasons we can’t do anything for three business days. He advises that our best course of action is to ring the company and ask them what is going on.

Sunday, while I wait Monday to come, I explain the situation to a very dear friend who just happens to know a little a great fucking lot about these kind of things. She points out where things went wrong and who should have done what. So I’m armed now and extremely dangerous because I have a little bit of knowledge I probably shouldn’t have had.

So Monday comes, today in fact, and I ring Mr. Bailiff. He tells me he was well within his rights to take the money, there was nothing unlawful about it and he’ll happily see me in court.

When I try and get my point of view across he very kindly listens to what I’ve got to say and hangs on my every word.

DOES HE FUCKING BOLLOCKS!!!!!!

He interrupts me constantly and when I out this out he says, “well yes but I’m just to let you know where we’re coming from.”
“Great,” I say, “That’s what I’m trying to do if you’d let me speak for a second!”

Or rather… that’s what I would have said if he hadn’t interrupted again. And again.

So in the end I tell him if he’s not going to let me speak I may as well just hang up. He tells me that I should do just that if I feel need to but by doing that we won’t get anything sorted. I tell him that we’re hardly likely to get anything sorted if he keeps interrupting me. I ask him if he’ll let me speak with out interruption and he agrees.

“Right,” I say, “I have two arguments here. One is with the council for charging what I consider to be too much and one is with you for taking the money not only when you shouldn’t have but also without authorisation. I’m not expecting you to sort out my issue with the council but I do feel you’ve acted illegally and that I’m within my rights to go to the police to claim theft possibly even fraud by your company.”

Well. I would have said all that. Sadly I got as far as ’I have two arguments here’ before he butted in again so at this point I sighed and huffed very heavily and hung up.

He rang back ten minutes later and Brad answered. Mr. Bailiff asked to speak to me but Brad explained I didn’t want to speak to him. He said it would only be quick but I still refused and Brad explained he could speak on my behalf.

“The issues isn’t that we owe money,” said Brad, “we accept we owe money, we’re arguing that you took it when you shouldn’t have and that it was too much!”

That’s what he would have liked to have said anyway but once again was interrupted over and over again. He did finally get the point across that the bailiff has basically lied but the man on the phone denied any of that.

In the end after a few minutes he civilly ended the call.

So, where are we now? Well we’re still no closer to getting our £281.64 back.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!

Cunt!

Once again we continue our "fuck" theme.

Usgae:

"Fuck this for a game of soldiers!"

- When you've tried on all her underwear and decide to give up hiding and go home.

Dear God,

It’s me, Paddy, you know, the one with the… well you know.

I was wondering, it’s been nice and all and I’m sure the UK drought is now off, and I do love seeing the greenery in what should be winter but please… I beg you, please, can you stop the fucking rain now!

We’re not all into watersports you know and I’m frankly I’m sick of it. Especially today. It’s that really wet rain you created. All I did was step out the office for five minutes and you’d think I’d been swimming fully clothed.

Anyhoo Lord, if you could see fit to giving us a little bit a dry weather, I’m not asking for sun, just no rain, I’d happily accept snow right now, just no rain, then I’d be most thankful. Since our last chat I’ve really improved and I took your advice and you’re right it got bigger, so, what with everything else I do for you, I think you owe me one and I’m calling it in. Four simple words Lord, STOP THE FUCKING RAIN!!!

Thanking you in advance,

Love to the wife and kids and all that.

Paddy x

Sorry to post this here and in the Bloscars blog but I think it's important.

As you all know since starting this years Bloscars I’ve been holding back one award. Well it’s now time to reveal it.

Those of you who took part in last years Bloscars will know we had an award called “The Lifetime Achievement Award”. This went to the blogger that you decided had shown not only great courage though some hardships in life, but also a person who didn’t let it get to them and was still there to entertain us with their blog entry’s. You only had one chance to vote on this rather than the three you get for all the other awards and the majority of you chose to honour Lyndlj with the award.

Well this year is different.

With Lyndlj’s full support the name of this award has changed.

The award is still is to be given to the person you decided deserves it the most. It should go to a person who you think has shown great courage, someone who has risen above and beyond, someone who you, the blogging public, think deserves such an award.

Blogworld, with the full knowledge of her family, I give you…

The Moira Smith Forgot-Me-Not Award.

For those of you who don’t know Moira you can go read her blog here.

Moira was diagnosed with Acute Myloid Leukemia and her blog was her space to talk about what she was going through. Sadly, on July 25th 2006, she passed away but her memory lives on. She was an inspiration to us all.

To vote in this award just send an email with the name of the blogger you think deserves it to Bloscars@googlemail.com. Feel free to include a brief paragraph about why you think they deserve it, although if it’s anything like last years it’ll be blindingly obvious. Remember you are only choosing ONE person this time and you cannot choose me!

Happy Voting Blogworld.

P.S. A big thanks to Lynda for her help in sorting this award and to AJ for this, and all the other banners I’ve seen dotted around BCUK.

!!! WARNING !!! RANT ALERT !!! WARNING !!! RANT ALERT !!! WARNING !!!

Regular readers will now I do this now and again. Newer viewers, please be warned, I may be a little offensive or rude or wrong… I don’t mean to offend you personally; I just mean to vent my spleen…

So... the rant…

Please shut the fuck up about the Saddam hanging.

Seriously… how was it wrong?

Did he not deserve the taunts? He killed a shit load of people and ordered the deaths of many more. Yes he deserved the fucking taunts.

Blair, you fucking pussy, be a man and admit that Saddam got what he deserved.

BUT…

I’d have preferred to see a man like Saddam stuck in a little box and given bread and water and some multi-vitamins… enough to sustain him for the rest of his natural life. He was evil. He should have suffered but no. Bleeding heart human rights activists would have gone fucking mental!

I’m all for human rights… but human rights for those people that deserve them. Human rights for me and for you! For those of us who live our lives with respect for our fellow citizens. Not fucking maniacal dictators set on world domination who’d shoot just for uttering a bad word against his hair-do!

Sorry.

Rant over!

Actually no it’s not!

What the fuck is going on with the world these days?

Our foster child doesn’t know what the nativity was? What the hell was he taught? I’m not saying that kids should be taught about Jesus and his life and be forced to sit through countless Religious Education lessons like I was! I’m quite happy for teachers to say, “Right, Christmas is a pagan festival that the Catholics stole and pretended Jesus was born then and we call the event, the birth and journey to the shitty stable the Nativity!”

£7million for someone to come in and show you how to keep your fucking desk tidy? Do some councils employ fucking retards that don’t know what a penholder or a drawer is? Seriously if you can’t organise a fucking desk or know where your paperwork would be best placed then you really don’t deserve to work in that job!

Why has the television really got so shit? “Just The Two of Us” with Vile Vern and Talentless Tess! Fuck off! The programme is crap as are you two! I love Davina McCall but come on… Celebrity Big Shitter… with Jade “PigDog” Goody! I know I’ve only mentioned two TV programmes there but if I go on much further it’ll take up the entire fucking BCUK server that is that much shit on television! Thank fuck we have a library of DVD’s to make Blockbuster jealous! I’d rather eat my own vomit and chew off my foot than watch the shit that’s on the TV at the moment!*

My mother once said to me “when you’re older you’ll be complaining about the charts just like I am now!” and all I could think was “shut your face mother, I love music, nothing is going to make me hate the charts!” I am now eating humble pie. My mommy was right. The music charts are shite! There are a couple of good songs in there but all the great tracks get ignored by the pre-pubescent bastards and bitches who think they know and “understand” music! There is nothing more fucking annoying that seeing a 12 year old with a Nirvana hoodie on and when you say “Kurt Cobain, great artist but still a twat!” they say “Who the fuck is Kurt Cobain old-timer?”

I could go on with this rant for a long time and it’s been a while since I’ve had a good old ranty! Regular readers, of this and old blogs, will know it’s something I do now and again. You newer viewers may be a bit bored by it or a bit offended, either way, it’s just a rant and it’s my little bit of this blogsphere, so you don’t have to read if you don’t want to and you can’t say I didn’t want you at the beginning.

*Eastenders and Casualty, depressing as they are, are not included in that list!

Just wanted to a quick thank you to the Zeds for giving me the ideal quote for my blog header!

Continuing our "fuck" theme...

Usage:

"Fuck, my husband's home early. Get into the wardrobe!"

- Make the most of it by trying on her underwear for the next two hours while her husbands unwittingly helps himself to sloppy seconds. You could also try on shoes and dresses and go for a whole ensemble!

Following our "fuck" theme...

Usage:

"Fancy a fuck?"

- A romantic chat-up ine with guaranteed results (quite often a kick in the bollocks... unless you're Juzzzy AJ CJ Charlie Old-Nick Molt male and say it to me.)

Shamelessly stolen from Molty of Moltsplace who stole it from Sminchin who stole it from Devilish JellyBeans (thinks Molty).

Who was the last person...
1. You hung out with?: Brad
2. Rode in a car with?: Brad
3. Went to the movies with?: Brad and the kids.
4. Went to the mall with?: I’m sorry Mall? This is Britain. We have shopping centres… anyhoo, the last time I went I was with Brad.
5. You talked on the phone to?: Sam
6. Made you laugh?: Brad when he was pissed last night.

Would you rather...
1. Pierce your nose or tongue?: Already have my tongue done so would have to choose nose.
2. Be serious or be funny?: Funny.
3. Drink whole or skimmed milk?: Whole milk but I take my tea and coffee black.
4. Die in a fire or get shot?: Shot.
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies?: Hmm… parents I suppose.

Random questions
1. Do you like anyone?: Yes.
2. Sun or moon?: Moon
3. Winter or Autumn?: Winter
4. Left or right?: Left.
5. 10 acquaintances or two best friends?: Two best friends.
6. Sunny or rainy?: Sunny.

About you...
1. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?: Cut it.
2. Have you ever eaten spam?: Yes.
3. Favourite ice cream?: Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food.
4. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet?: Hundreds.
5. Do you cook?: Yes.
6. Current mood?: Tentative

In the last 48 hours have you...
1. Kissed someone: Yes.
2. Sang?: Yes.
3. Been hugged?: Yes.
4. Felt stupid?: No.
5. Missed someone?: Yes.
6. Danced crazy?: Yes.
8. Gotten your haircut?: No.
9. Cried?: No.
10. Lied?: No.

Stuff...
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?: Yes. Any by airport security!
2. Do you have a dog?: Two
3. When's the last time you've been sledding?: About five years ago.
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?: Someone else.
5. Do you believe in ghosts?: Yes
6. Do you consider yourself creative?: Yes.

I always knew surveillance and all that crap was upon us and happily accept security cameras put up on out streets. If you’re not doing anything wrong then you’ve got nothing to hide. Of course this very much depends on peoples idea of wrong and right, and I’m not just talking about the law.

For instance… at a party a while ago, when we were all very drunk, a game of dares began. One of the guests got dared to run across the road and press his naked and revealed privates up against a neighbours lounge window. Which he did. The curtains were closed at time thankfully.

Anyhoo… in polite society, and in the eyes of the law, there is something wrong with this. But with no security cameras around he got away with it. If there had been cameras and someone had been sat in a small office somewhere watching intently would the police of turned up and fined him or given him some other punishment. Or would they have the good graces to see it was just a bit of harmless fun?

I’ve totally gone away from the point of this blog entry…

In the summer a lady at work went to America. While there she had he driving license stolen and her credit card cloned.

Arriving back at home she had a call from a police officer in America who informed her of what they were doing about it. They also passed her details onto the fraud squad.

Last Saturday she went shopping for something specific. While out she did her shopping in Asda but couldn’t actually find the one thing she wanted. So she went to another town. Bought something else but still not the item so went to another town where she once again purchased something else but not the actually item she’d gone out for in the first place.

On Monday, at home, the phone rang. It was the fraud squad.

“We need to discuss your card usage,” said the woman on the end of the phone.
“Okay,” said Donna, “what about it?”
“Well before we talk about it I need you to confirm you are who you say you are. Can you give me…” she continued as she reeled off a list of questions.
“Well before I answer you can you confirm who you are?” asked Donna.

So how did she do this?

Did she give her a name and the department she worked for? Did she give her a number to ring to confirm details?

No.

She told Donna what she bought in Manchester just before Christmas. Not just what she bought and where… but what size it was, the colour and who served her.

It didn’t end there. To continue proving who she was she told Donna about her shopping trip to Asda on Saturday. She didn’t just tell her how much she spent, or which Asda it was… oh no… she listed things off the receipt. She listed items Donna had bought. She knew how many loaves and tins of beans she’d bought and even told her the brand of toilet roll she’d bought.

So it would appear Big Brother really is watching us.

I don’t know now how I do actually feel about security cameras and such like.

Obviously, now that the Zeds has written me that beautiful poem and admitted how he really feels, I had to return to honour.

For my Juzzzy...

My Love

Your skin glows like the hiroshima survivor, blossoms and blooms as the baboons arse in the purest hope of spring.

My heart follows your swarfega gargled voice and leaps like a over-active Billy Elliot fan at the whisper of your name.

The evening floats in on a great boeing 787 dreamliner wing.

I am comforted by your nippleless-bra that I carry into the twilight of sunbeams and hold next to my chocolate-starfish.

I am filled with hope that I may dry your tears of black soup.

As my finger falls from my mouth and points to the Mersey Tunnel, it reminds me of your sphincter. In the quiet, I listen for the last orders of the day.

My heated tongue leaps to my lovers lovepump. I wait in the moonlight for your secret elaborate and out of tune wolf whistle so that we may photographed as one, tongue to tongue, in search of the magnificient cock juggling thunder cunt and mystical throbbing cock of love.

Obviously I cheated a little bit!

*swoon*

http://juzzzy.blog.co.uk/2007/01/05/pure_poetry~1517510

I think I've offended someone.

But I also think know I don't care. (Well maybe a little bit but it depends why I've offended them!)

Yesterday... pre-word of the day I had 57 friends.
Today... post-word of the day I have 55.

Hmm...

Yesterday we had the word FUCK

So here, just for you, is Fuck off!

In different languages..

French: Va te faire foutre!

German: Verpiß Dich!

Italian: Vaffanculo!

Spanish: Vete a tomar por culo

Thai: Yet mang (Thank you Juzzzy)

American : Y'all fuck off now ya hear? (Thank you Abi)

Inevitably someone will utter a response to one's "Fuck off", so it is truly handy to have a zinger to fly at 'em before you run away...

Me: "Fuck off"
Most of the world: "No, you fuck off" (note the originality)
Me: "Howz about dis? You fuck right off, on the fucking horse ya rode in on? And, ya best be doing that right aboot fucking now before I plant my right foot up your fecking arse!!!!" (At this point it is okay to allow spittle to leak from yer mouth, face can go beet red with one eye brow raised. Putting up one hand with middle finger extended is suggested as well.)

Then, in a final moment of bravado, I suggest you skitter away like a lil school girl before yea get the boot up da arse.

(Thank you Menomama)

Enjoy x

Right gentle viewer the time has come for me to do something I’m going to hate myself for but I really really must do it.

I’m going to steal an idea from that Zeds fella.

He’s forever stealing all my ideas and I usually leave the lamb alone but like a hooker with an infestation I have an itching to do something regular.

So dear reader I give you Paddy’s Word of the Day!

Now you’re all very much aware that my language isn’t always as gentlemanly as it should be. In fact most of the time it’s fucking vile but look at it this way… I spend my waking hours either in the company of work colleagues, children, or those poor souls who follow me everywhere looking up to me with a longing to be me! Obviously I have an image to uphold so whenever I’m around the aforementioned people I colour my conversation with no more than a “gosh” or “crikey”. Ergo BCUK becomes my outlet. My little place to shout “Oi mother fucker you’ve got my cunting tankard!” and care little about who I offend as it’s MY space so if you don’t like it don’t read it!

To this end I feel I’m perfectly suited to bring you a Word of the Day with a difference.

Yes the Zeds teases us with words such as Shag, Erigible and Vellicate but he’s too much of a gentleman to mention those words we blush when saying to our mothers (unless you’re me who learnt most of them from his mother!).

I will bring you those words, but not just words. I shall give you the ideal situations in which to use them, I shall put them in phrases for you and bring them to you in different languages. I’m not going to bother with whether it’s a noun or verb because I won’t know I don’t think you're that interested and I know I'm not. I shall just "do it"*snigger* as I see fit.

So gentle viewer everyday I will “Do A Juzzzy!” (Oh I wish!) and bring you my own word of the day… starting here and now…

Paddy’s Word of the Day

Fuck

Definition: Shag; expression of disappointment when you realize through your drunken stupor that not only has the condom split but she’s also your cousin.

Who's up for something tiggerific?

A friend sent me this and I found it quite funny so thought I'd share.

The Difference between Women and Men

NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a £20 even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £3 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children.. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

So… my day!

I was back at work yesterday but was on my own all day, as everyone else had booked annual leave.

Only one person came in with an enquiry I couldn’t help with. There were no messages on the answer phone I got in and the phone never rang once! Like Sister Wendy finding a statue with a huge cock I got excited when the post arrived but was soon let down when there was nothing for me.

So today everyone was back in.

9am to 10am – Sat drinking coffee and chatting about Christmas
10am to 10.30am – More coffee, more chat.
10.30am to 12.00pm – Discussing the house my boss is moving into which she now isn’t moving into as we’ve found out there is a looney bin next door and she’s a bit pissed off.
12.00pm to 12.15pm – Nip out to fetch lunch.
12.15pm to 1.00pm – Eat lunch with everyone else and gossip some more about Fat Stacey and the loonies.
1.00pm to 2.00pm – Work on Bloscar stuff
2.00pm – Go home.

Honestly, where does the time go?

It would appear a couple of awards have caused some people some confusion as well as a few problems with regards to actually giving an award and you lot seeing why they won. So, I have removed the award for Most Moving Blog Entry. Thank you to those of you who have made nominations so far. Those of you that managed to nominate an entry for this award chose very moving entries. I won’t mention them here as some of them were for Friends Only and of those ones I was capable of reading it was obvious why you chose them.

In other award changing news… the award for best Drunken Blog Entry… after an email conversation with a blogger I’ve come to agree that this award is a little troublesome as these blog entries often get deleted. So… it has changed to “Best Drunken Blogger!” So rather than nominating a blog entry… you can nominate a blogger!

Coming soon… the new award… all will be revealed soon. You will only have to nominate one person rather than three and it will be your one and only nomination, in other words it will not be included in the voting. It’s pretty much the same format as the Lifetime Achievement Award but all will become clear when it’s announced.

Below are all the bloggers who have been nominated so far. Now keep in mind that being nominated doesn’t mean you’re going to be up for an award. For that to happen you have to be in the top five people nominated. What it does mean though is someone thought enough of you to nominate you. This list is accurate as of 4pm so if anyone has nominated since then it isn’t included below. If your name is there and you wish to be removed from the awards either drop me a PM or leave a comment.

A huge THANK YOU to the people who have nominated so far! It amazing to think it’s only the 3rd, nominations have been open for three days and I’ve had so many already! You’ve still got until the 31st Jan to get your nominations in. Nominees will be announced on (or around) the 8th Feb when voting for your winners will take place.

So, thanks again, note the changes, happy voting!

1098smm – Abilene – Adamantixx - AJNSpencer – AlecWeston – AngAylward – ApictureADay – Avirilo - BeforeYouAskIAmNot - BloggersArms - BlogLikesIt - Blondie82 - BuzzzyB - Cartlionel - CharliesWorld - ChrisGlos - CJ592 - Cocktailer - Coroboria - CustomerService - DeanChristopher - DollyDaggers - Eggbod - Ethered - Faaaantastic - FaffaJane - FatalAttraction - FlickFlack - Fruitbowl - GoingSomewhere - Graybags101 - Guitartist - HektorHamulec - Helena100 - HelpBlog - HereIGoAgain - IanThorpe - Isadora101 - JakeTaylor - JaneyGodley – Jojo52 - Juzzzy - Kiki2u - Lee954 - LifesLessons - LoneMum - LyndLJ - MadPoet - MichaelStMark - MichaelStMark - Mjohnson - Moltsplace - Moondancer - MoreLearning - NannyOgg - Nathan1 - NeilOnLine - NickP - Nixie - OldMaid - Old-Nick - PaulBoyd - PollyGarter - Pompadour - Ppolly - Prydwen - RIThompson - RobLayton - SchoolBoyCrush - Sienna - Sixpence - Sminchin - Snail - Stephi - Stroke - Subville - Sussie - Sweetymon - Tealover - TeriR - TimeKillingKid - TimSuzi - UnderTheBed - Usksider - Vasco - Vort1gern - WelshCeltGirl - Wifey - Wulfweard

P.S. If you want to know what you've been nominated for drop me a PM or comment and I'll get back to you.

A little warning for all you who have nominated so far...

There is one award that hasn't been announced yet so be prepared to make one more nomination!

So the first few nominations are in.

In alphabetical order and without revealing who is up for what so far here are the bloggers (not blogs or blog entries) up for nomination so far…

Abilene - AJNSpencer - Bloglikesit - CharliesWorld - CJ592 - DeanChrisopher - FlickFlack - GrayBags101 - Helena100 - JakeTaylor - Juzzzy - RobLayton - LyndLJ - Nathan1 - Old-Nick - PaulBoyd - Subville - Vasco

Go here ---] The Bloscars Blog [--- to get a nomination form and see all the catgoreis etc.

Enjoy!

P.S. If you're listed above and want to know what you've been nominated for then either leave a comment here and I'll PM you or PM me and I'll PM you back! I'll only tell you what you're up for but not who nominated you or how many nominations you have.

So the first few nominations are in.

In alphabetical order and without revealing who is up for what so far here are the bloggers (not blogs or blog entries) up for nomination so far…

AJNSpencer Bloglikesit CharliesWorld CJ592 DeanChrisopher FlickFlack GrayBags101 Helena100 JakeTaylor Juzzzy RobLayton LyndLJ Nathan1 Old-Nick PaulBoyd Subville Vasco

Go here ---] The Bloscars Blog [--- to get a nomination form and see all the catgoreis etc.

Enjoy!

Well I’m back at work and what have I got to do?

Nothing!

Well quite a lot but not much, if that makes sense!

I’ve got a lot to do but nothing that needs doing RIGHT NOW!

So I’m sat here trying to decide what to blog about and do you know I can’t think of anything!

Tum te tum...

Entertain me!