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That’s it. 2pm is here.

I’ve been sat blogging for 24hours!

I’ve done it!

Yay me!

It’s been an enlightening experience. I’ve stayed up this long before when I’ve just been generally chatting at friend’s houses and we’ve had no need to go to bed. I’ve stayed up longer for medic shifts but we’d be busy for an hour or two then quiet and it would just become another night of chatting with friends.

Tonight I’ve had a purpose and that is what has made the experience enlightening.

The message of support of received from fellow blogathoners, bloggers and general visitors has been astounding. I don’t think I could have done it without you guys. The comments left on this blog, the emails and texts, the phone calls and the messages sent via the blogathon site have all been a great help and it’s kept me here for the 24hours.

I woke up around 8am on Saturday morning and was a little apprehensive, not sure if I’d make it. I sorted the foster kids out, got Brad up and went back to bed for a couple of hours. Sleep was fitful thanks to the dogs and kids but I got a little which has obviously helped even if I didn’t think it had to start with.

I’ve watched the sun set and then rise again. I’ve said goodnight to people and then good morning without taking the carnal pleasure of slumber. I’ve watched television channels close down for the night and broadcast night time messages or infomercials and I’ve seen them start up again with a new days scheduling. I’ve said goodnight to the kids who smiled and went to bed wondering why I was saying I’d be sat in the same position when they awoke and I’ve said goodnight to my baby. To my Brad who has supported me all the way in this. He wanted to stay up and support me by being with me but we knew one of us would have to be in a fit state to look after the kids so he went to bed. I’ve popped my head in the room every now and then to watch him sleep and he looks so peaceful and sweet.

There are loads of people I’d like to thank for supporting me in this but to be honest I’m too tired to name them all so let me just say a simple thank you. To those who I chatted with into the wee hours, to those I got emails from, to those who chatted in IM’s or texts and to those who commented, thank you. Thank you for your support.

To those of you that have sponsored me, thank you. Childline need every penny.

To Jake. Cheers for the idea and the continuing support and promotion. See you on the 29th August!

To Lisa my blogging monitor, a huge thank you.

To Jay, cheers the chat and the coffee, you’ve really helped in this. Thank you.

To Lyndz, for the ongoing texts of support and inspiration. Thank you x

To Katili who took over the Lisa in the final run, thank you.

To Quinny for the countless comments and excellent conversation, thank you.

To Brad. I love you. Thank you.

And so here it ends. 24 hours of blogging. During this transmission I have…

- Drank 19 cups of coffee
- Smoked 15 cigarettes
- Prepared a roast dinner
- Drank one glass of Coke-Cola
- Eaten two packs of crisps, one caramel and 1 jam sandwich.
- Taken quite few pictures.
- Watched Star Trek, Serenity (twice), Robots, King Kong Vs Godzilla, How Do They Do It?, Inside The Space Station, Malcolm in the Middle, The National Lottery, The Weakest Link, Casualty, Big Brother, Friends, Will & Grace, The Making of Serenity, Spider-man 2, 10 minutes of Snow-Walker, the Grand Prix
- Seen the sun set.
- Seen the sun rise
- Done 51 blog entries
- Received 355 blog comments (including replies from me!)
- Raised money for Childline!

G’night! x

This is it. The penultimate entry. After this comes the last one and then time for bed.

I seriously can’t believe I’m still here. I think some bloggers might be surprised to see me as well.

Part of me feels a little sad that it’s over but I’m also over the fucking moon that I’ll be able to slide into bed!

I’m very proud of myself right now.

Now, can I do these last thirty minutes?

Entering the last hour and feelings are very strange.

In case I get too tired or forget or can’t arsed going through the all the comments, let me just saying a very big thank you to everyone who has supported me in this.

It’s been very interesting and as I’ve said in a previous entry it’s certainly been an entertaining experience.

Physically I feel drained. My eyes feel heavy, my stomach feels strange and my head is buzzing a little. I feel tired, not very tired, I think I’ve passed that phase, just tired. Shattered.

Psychologically I feel very positive about myself. I think it’s one of those “if I can do this I can do anything!” feelings.

I can also feel myself becoming more and more tired. I think it’s the same as when you need a slash but are no where near the toilet. The closer you get the more you need it. The closer I get to finishing the more I want my bed. I keep putting my head back against the settee but know that if I do that again I’ll nod off!

Three posts and 1 1/2 hours to go until I finish the Blogathon!

And how do I feel?

Chuffinf shattered!

Dinner is on the go for Brad and the kids. I shall hopefully be asleep.

We're off out for a meal with friends tonight! Lord only knows if I'll stay awake for it!

Chicken is in, veg are prepped, just need to do the stuffing now!

Only four entires to go after this one!

Time to start dinner!

I’ll get it ready, Brad can dish up!

Bugger me! Only 2 1/2 hours to go!

Who has influenced me in my life?

Well various people have in various different ways.

My Nan gave me courage to stand up for what I believe in.
Brad gives me hope everyday.
My brother pushes me forward in huge leaps without even knowing he does it.
My friends give me support when I need it and I don’t have to ask for it.

I’m inspired by…

Kevin Smith for his films.
Alfred Hitchcock for the same.
Mark. Z. Danielewski for his writing.
Brett Easton Ellis for the same.
Music is too big a field to go into.
Sam for her endurance through adversity as well as Lyndz and the Zeds and Helen.
Brad for his calmness.
Ann for her resilience.
Carrie for her talent.
Dena for her determination.

There really are so many more people I could list right now that it would take me past the end of the Blogathon but there are two people who have influenced me more than any other.

My mom and dad.

My feelings towards my father are not pleasant but I cannot help but admit he is one of my biggest influences.

I have pushed myself to be like him in certain ways yet nothing like him in others. He has pushed me to be the son he wants as well as leaving me to be happy with myself which has caused most of the conflict.

He never saw me without and even though I hate him I know he loves me.

My mom has taught me about unconditional love and forgiveness and acceptance. She has shown me things don’t always have to be as people demand them. She opened me up to a world of wonder and never let me enter in alone.

With them behind me I stand on pedestal but feel them tugging at the reigns showing me I’m not above anyone else just as they are not above me.

I hate that I have to include him in all that but it’s only fair.

The rain slowed for a bit so I nipped out to take some more pics.

Huw goes for a wander. I would have got a picture of Max but he shot back in the house as I emptied the water from gazebo all over myself and scared the shit out of him.

The roses are a bit droopy due to the rain!

The barbecues are full!

Brad is asleepin' behind that window!

The dogs seem to have woken up in one of those moods. They are padding up and down the lounge and looking at each other in a sly manner. It’s not the usual signal they give saying they want to go out but I’m going to let them out anyway. Eddie is going to lose his nose soon if he sniffs the cats butt once more!

What time do I wake Brad up?

I’m VERY surprised the kids haven’t surfaced yet. Well not with one of them. He’d stay in bed until Christmas if I let him but the other two are usually up and being loud by now!

I’ve put my glasses on and they don’t seem to be helping. Still can’t see any better. Is it because I’m tired or blind?

I miss LJ’s posts!

*Please please please please comment if you get that title!

I think it's time for some more pictures...

My birthday gift from my fantastic brother and his lady.

Ain't it the truth?

Mmmmmmmm my lovely Brad!

Does my mouth look tired? It feels it.

You know, more people should do this. Not just because it raises money for good causes but because it’s a real eye opener and small test of endurance.

For some reason hunger has set in again which personally I don’t think it should have so soon after it was satiated before. I have 5 hours to go and am about to light one of the last of three ciggies I have left.

I’ve got to be honest guys and girls; I didn’t think I’d make it. I know it’s not over yet but the finish line is so close there isn’t a hope in hell I’m going to give now. Earlier I was sure I wouldn’t make it this far. Now I have it’s like a boost of confidence.

This 9am post is more of a milestone than the 8am one which was the eighteen hour mark and I have a feeling I will think the 10am blog will be a bigger milestone than this one!

Next year I think you should all do it! Seriously. Why not join Jake when he does his on August 29th. I’m going to do it again with him. Why don’t you?

The rain is really starting to come down now and there is something almost tropical about it. The calming noise on the roof and the drips from the trees!

Seems strange to think I’ve sat here for over 18 hours blogging about crap!

Okay, ¾ done and now into the final furlong as it were.

Only six more hours to go.

The support I’ve received has been fantastic and has come from people all over the world!

Seriously though I’m going to have to find something else to watch soon!

I think I'm starting to hit the wall.

I'm suddenly feeling a lot more tired than I did before.

Saying it only seven hours makes it sound not too bad but saying I’m still going to be here until 2pm makes it sound/feel like ages away!

I would take some more pictures but it’s started to rain! Joy!

Doing this has reminded me of the night I met Brad.

I’ve told this story before so not going to go into the where, how and why blurb but suffice to say as the pub closed I gave him a lift home. I went in for coffee… and yes it was only coffee and we sat up until gone 5am chatting. It was really nice and relaxed. I left to go home and after a few texts as I left I ended up back there. We chatted some more then got an hours sleep before I dropped him off at work.

That was the start of what has been the happiest years of my life and what I know will continue to just get better and better.

Am drinking...

Am watching...

Am photographing...

Am fogetting to put away so they've been out all night!

I’ve just finished watching King Kong Vs Godzilla and I’m wondering why I bothered. We have a DVD collection to rival any Blockbuster and I’m resorting to watching tat. Seriously come on, if you’re going to make a film on a low budget you can still find actors who are will to work for bugger all!

I’ve done it for Gods sake!

“Oh please be in my film, I’ll be your best friend!”
“Oh please be in my film, I’ll buy your drinks all night!”
“Oh please be in my film, I’ll sleep with you!”

See… a myriad of options that no one thinks off! Hell, I’d star in something for a friend if he made me coffee and bought me a morning paper!

So at 5.30am (actually the pics were taken around 5.15am) the sunrise looked like this.

I’m getting hungry. This is might be time for toast but will eating make me sleepy? Only one way to tell I suppose!

Taken around ten minutes, here is the how the morning looks in sunny Wales!

5am and all is well!

I seriously cannot believe I only have 9 hours to go!

I think I shall take some pics as the sun comes up and blog them.

Brad has finally gone to bed. Bless him for supporting me and staying up so late/early.

Hmm… what shall I watch now as I wait for the hours to go by.

Another list!

The Rules:
1. You can only say Yes or No!
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks! But I won't!

Taken a picture naked? : Yes
Made out with a member of the same sex? : Yes
Danced in front of your mirror? : Yes
Told a lie? : Yes
Gotten in a car with people you just met?: Yes
Been in a fist fight? : Yes
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? : Yes
Been arrested? : Yes
Left your house without telling your parents? : Yes
Ditched school to do something more fun? : Yes
Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? : Yes
Seen someone die? : Yes
Kissed a picture? : Yes
Slept in until 3? : Yes
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? : Yes
Played dress up? : Yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? : Yes
Felt an earthquake? : Yes
Touched a snake? : Yes
Ran a red light? : Yes
Had detention? : Yes
Been in a car accident? : Yes
Pole danced? : Yes
Been lost? : Yes
Sang karaoke? : Yes
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? : Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose??: Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue?? : Yes
Kissed in the rain? : Yes
Sang in the shower? : Yes
Got your tongue stuck to a pole? : No.
Ever gone to school partially naked? : Yes
Sat on a roof top? : Yes
Played chicken? : Yes
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? : Yes
Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? : Yes
Broken a bone? : Yes
Mooned/flashed someone? : Yes
Forgotten someone's name? : Yes
Slept naked? : Yes
Blacked out from drinking? : Yes
Played a prank on someone? : Yes
Felt like killing someone? : Yes
Made a parent cry? : Yes
Cried over someone? : Yes
Had sex more than 5 times in one day? : Yes
Had/Have a dog? : Yes
Been in a band? : Yes
Drank 25 sodas in a day? : No.
Shot a gun? : Yes.

It’s really strange. It’s 3.30am I have ten and half hours to go and it looks hopeful.

When I first started this I was thrilled and thinking “Yay 24 hour blogging for charity!” Then as it’s got to 8pm I was thinking “I feel as though I’ve been blogging for days!” Now at 3.30am it feels like “Fucking fantastic, only ten and a half hours to go!”

I have to be honest though, my eyes are starting to get heavy and I’m setting the alarm on my phone to wake me up every 30 minutes just in case I fall asleep!

I’m slowly running out of cigarettes and really should think about making another pot of coffee. A strong one this time I think. If I run out of fags I shall smoke coffee!

As games machines go and ignoring the pc in this house we have an Xbox, a PS1, a PS2, a PSP, a Gameboy Advance and a Gamecube.

I’m going to ignore the PS1 as we never use it anymore and forget about the Gameboy Advance and the PSP as they are handheld consoles.

Of the three left, Gamecube, PS2 and Xbox I think I play the Xbox more than any of the others. I don’t know why this is as we have a myriad of excellent games for all three machines but I suppose somewhere deep in my psyche there is the theory that the Xbox came later so must be better and because it’s better I want to play it more. We do keep toying with the idea of an Xbox 360 and just when I’m on the verge of buying it Brad will come up with a good enough reason to wait for the PS3.

One thing that does piss me off though is the cost of games. I can’t believe the producers want to charge so much for what is essentially a CD.

Bring back the Atari I say! Pitfall and Tank were the games of my youth until Manic Miner on the Spectrum came about!

Well I’ve now hit the 12 hour mark.

I’ve done 26 blog entries and I’ve had way too many cigarettes, four dozen cufs of coppee and a huge heap of fun with various bloggers!

I am starting to feeling tired but not to the point where my eyes are dropping. I can just feel tiredness start to woft over me like a comfort blanket. My eyes don’t feel all that heavy but my neck is aching a tad. Brad is still playing WoW but has said he may go to bed soon and the wonderful Lyndz has been keeping my company in texts.

The more I think about it the more I think “hang on, staying up for another 12 hours is nothing really!” but we’ll see.

If I’m still here come 2pm tomorrow it’ll be thanks to you lot, the readers, commenters, texters, emailers, IMers and callers who are keeping me going. Thanks to the lovely Lisa. She is the one keeping an eye on me and making sure I'm still blogging every 30 mins and she keeps leaving me comments of support.

And to my Brad. My gorgeous supporter. With me every step of the way and undderstanding that I want to do this and that it means he'll be looking after the kids. I love him.

AJ suggested I blog about pets so here goes.

In my life I’ve had five dogs, six cats, six chickens, countless mice, a myriad of hamsters, more fish than you can shake a fish stick at, a lizard and a chinchilla.

The Dogs…

Twiggy, a Border Collie, was the first. She got very ill and had to be put down and I was heart-broken. Next came Monty. He was a mongrel and insane. He would run head first at the fence to break it so he could get out. He’d keep doing this until the hole was big enough him to get through. He passed away in my arms in front of the fire place. I’m getting all weepy just thinking about that. Next came Hope. Hope is Labrador/Pointer cross. A Labinter? A Pointador? She is still with us and lives with my mom as when I moved house I wasn’t allowed pets. Wankers. When I moved again and I was allowed pets my mother had become too attached and wouldn’t let Hope go. Now, with Brad, I have Hillie and Eddie. Brother and sister border collies. Eddie is insane. Quite literally. He has no concept of the space around him and cannot walk through a door without banging his head. Hillie is an evil genius. She is very very clever. She chews toys to bits and then leaves the damage around Eddie so he gets in trouble. She is the boss.

The Cats…

My first cat was Psycho. He hated me. I have a telephone table by my front door (oooh I’m so posh!) which he would sit on and hiss and spit at me as I left or entered the house. Next came My Penis. I had to name him this just so I cold say “I’ll just stroke my penis while we chat!”. The name also cause much hilarity at the vets when sadly My Penis did actually suffer a stroke and the vet said “I’m afraid My Penis has had a stoke!”. After him came Donna Karen and Gucci. Unfortunately due to circumstances beyond my control they went to the cats home. Now there is Maximus Decimus and Huw Grant. The two little 14 weeks old kittens we have. Max is bolder than Huw but Huw appears to be sweeter. More on those as they grow.

I shall blog a bit more later about the other animals.

My wedding would go like this…

Brad would turn up!

I had this dream that he asked me, we arranged everything and then on the day he didn’t turn up. He just passed a note through a friend saying “Now do you get it? I don’t want to get married!”
I was heart broken.

So my ideal wedding could be the smallest affair to the biggest. Just so long as Brad is there!

Okay so really the basic version of what I want is this.
Brad and I in the same suits. Nice single breasted suits. Not mourning suits or the usual wedding attire. Brad will be wearing a shirt which colour matches my tie and I’ll be wearing a tie that matches his shirt.

All our friends and family will be present. As this wouldn’t been a normal wedding we’d each have everything. By this I mean we would both have bridesmaids, a best man, someone to give us away and ushers. It would take place in the grounds of a castle. Maybe Carreg Cennen or Craig-Y-Nos but actually in the grounds not in the hall. From there we’d go to a hotel somewhere and have a sit down meal. Something nice but not expensive as I can’t really see the point in spending a fortune. After that there would be a huge party and dancing and drinking and merriment!

I don’t know what style/theme I’d want for the table settings or anything like that. I suppose it’s something to discuss with Brad but as this is event is never going to happen it’s not something we actually will ever talk about.

Wayne’s World 2
Honey: Take me Garth
Garth: Where? I’m low on gas and you need a jacket!

Another blog suggestion has just been given to me. By Helen again god love her. She suggests I blog about how I want my wedding to go. So I will in the next blog and I imagine it will scare the SHIT out of Brad.

Seriously I'm an arrogant fuck!

I've just left a comment with latin in and I have no idea why. I'm not that fucking posh!

So, just to prove I'm not posh, uneducated, illiterate but arrogant here is a list of other latin phrases I've used in the last month in blog comment.s

ad hoc – for this.
ad nauseam – to a sickening degree.
a priori - based on theory rather than observation.
bona fide - in good faith, genuine.
carpe diem - seize the day.
deus ex machina - acontrived device to resolve a situation.
ex cathedra - with authority
flagrante delicto - in the act.
in situ - situated in the original or natural position.
ipso facto - by the fact itself.
mea culpa - I am to blame.
modus operandi - a method of operating.
ne plus ultra - the highest degree of a quality or state.
persona non grata - unacceptable or unwelcome person.
pro bono - done or donated without charge; free.
quid pro quo - something for something; an equal exchange.
sine qua non - indispensable.

Yes I know other phrase but I think that is plenty to prove my arrogance!

The beautiful Lyndz is supporting me via text message, bless her, and has suggested a blog on “Sausage Casserole versus Sausages and Mash”

So here goes…

Brad doesn’t like Sausage Casserole as he doesn’t like the texture of a sausage that has been baked in gravy basically but he doesn’t like casserole and/or stew. I was once very proud of myself for being able to answer a question about the difference between a casserole and a stew* but was surprised no one else present knew it. I always thought it was obvious.

So, sausage casserole. There is something about it that makes me wonder why we ever have it at all. I suppose it’s because sausage were cheaper than diced beef/lamb/whatever as the butcher could just stick any meat in a sausage and you’d be none the wiser until you ended up in the gutter bringing back hoof and nipple! It can still be a nice dish especially if you use some of the speciality sausage like the pork and chilli ones and such like.

Now Sausage and Mash…. Well this can be varied so much that it can be an ordinary quick meal before you go out to a master-piece bit of a cuisine! With speciality sausage (as mentioned above) and all the stuff you can stick in the mash, you can make a fantastic meal that even Gordon Ramsey would say “Fuck” to.

I think if I was given the choice between the two though I would go for Sausage and Mash.

*A stew is cooked from below whereas a casserole is baked.

Is it really only 11pm!

It feels like I've been blogging for days.

Well, I'm still here, still going, still looking forward to the end but still happy that I'm doing something to help Childline.

And to think I'm going to do all this again on August 29th!

Okay new design done and up.

Comments welcome!

A meme because I can!... Stolen from AJ.

1.If there was one thing you could have for free what would it be?
My wedding

2.What was your first job?
Paperboy

3.Have you ever been sick on someone?
Yes. I threw up on an ex once while giving him oral! I was vare vare drunk!

4. Can you cook? What would you make me for my dinner?
Yes I can and you’d get what ever you wanted.

5.The last event you went to that required a ticket?
Dunno

6. What would improve your day today?
A proposal

7. You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror...what do you think?
“Hey!”

8. When was the last time you danced?
Earlier today

9. The last thing you read?
A blog

10. The last thing you watched?
Big Brother

I know something I haven’t done for a while and even when I did I didn’t do enough of it…

A blog design!

That’ll give me something to do!

Right going to work on that now!

I am determined to do this. Determined to complete this blogathon.

Even doing this if it helps!

Time for another coffee I think!

My lovely gorgeous friend H… Helen… left a comment saying to blog about the stupid things we’ve got up to.

Well let’s start from the very beginning. Apparently it’s a very good place to start.

The night I met Helen I was sick. Brad has been out with her and Steve and I was at home suffering. I’d offered to collect Brad so I drove out to get him and met up with them. The intro was literally just in the car.

I forget the next time I met her but it was around the time we decided to move to Wales.

Obviously moving meant we had to have a leaving do. We ended up having quite a few leaving do’s and Helen was at all of them.

The first one consisted of getting very pissed in town and I gave Helen a lap dance. Not bad considering I’d known her weeks!

From the first time I met her I knew I’d met someone special and I’m so glad she’s still in my life.

She moved to Ireland a while ago to be with her studly MJ and I miss her something terrible but we chat all the time.

She came to see us in Wales before she left and bought the gorgeous Ant (very sexy) and Laura (incredibly beautiful) with her and I learnt how to play a game called Shithead! I got very very pissed and as far as I was concerned the rules consisted of “you can put anything down as long as it’s 2 or 10!” I spent most of the night crying “why?” and when I went to the toilet I had to lean against every wall that seemed to move as I walked yet when it came to putting the camp beds up I was like an expert! In a flash the beds were up and I was in and asleep. I don’t think I said goodnight to anyone!

At her sisters wedding I helped her dress the bride and grooms room and we spent most of the time shushing each other and then laughing!

At the wedding we had a dance all to ourselves to “Crashed the Wedding” by Busted and the DJ was sure we were husband and wife! Bless. He thought Brad was my brother.

She bought me tickets to see Busted for my birthday and we had a great time. We wore homemade tee with pictures of Matt Willis on them and screamed quite loudly! I burnt some small child with my fag and end up rowing with his mother but it was his fault!

We rang Brad in the car behind us on the way to Wales once and say Busted songs to him.

As Brad and Steve would talk about Eddie Izzard and school memories, H and I would look at men!

She’s a dab hand and rolling down hills and blowing up balloons.

I love her!

Your Superhero Identity For Today Is:

Name: Flame Person
Secret Identity: Paddy
Special Power: Freezing Energy
Transportation: Magnetic Train
Weapon: Ion Flare
Costume: Silk Shorts
Sidekick: Merry
Nemesis: Ming the Ripper
Tragic Flaw: Clumsiness
Favorite Food: Green Beans

Six hours in and so far all is well.

I’m a quarter of the way though this mighty blogathon. I’ve had too many cigarettes, six cups of coffee, three glasses of wine, and have blogged 14 entries.

Here’s to the next 18 hours!

I promise I’ll try and make the blog entries more interesting. Remember you can suggest things to blog about if you want. Just leave a comment.

My laptop (Spiros) has decided to boot me out the net!!

Now using Brads 'puter!!!!

I tell ya something! The telly better be fucking good if I’ve got to stay awake!

Brad has just done our evening meal.

Pasta with a lovely sauce and parmesan. I had seconds!

It is beautiful… just like him!

Right, going to watch “How do you solve a problem like Maria!” I love the Sound of Music. I HATE GRAHAM NORTON!!! I want to shoot him! “I want to kick him ‘til he’s dead!”*

Why is Andrew Lloyd Webber so ugly?

*Smarties for getting the quote again!” (Oh and Brad… NO you still cannot play!”

The panel approved us and a few days later our first child turned up. Simon (not his real name) had suffered physical abuse from his father, no one knew where his mother was or even who she was for that matter and all this coupled with the rest of his alcoholic family has sent him on downward spiral.

When he came to us he had already been permanently excluded from school and was going to centre for kids who were too violent or naughty to go to school.

He arrived with a shit load of stuff on the Tuesday and everything seemed okay. On the night he asked if he could go out to see some friends he knew in the village and we agreed telling him to be back by 9.30pm. He arrived back at 8.45pm and we were suitably impressed. Everything seemed to be okay with this kid but we were prepared to face the worst if anything cam up.

Come the next morning (Wednesday) his taxi didn’t turn up so I drove him to school. Crashing on the way! (D’oh!)

So I’m sat at home that afternoon when the school rings and tells me that his taxi to collect him and bring him back here has turned up but he refused to get in it and had now done a runner!

The onus was on us (onus – on us – strange!) to call the police and report him missing, which we did, as well as calling the duty social worker and reporting it.

We spent the rest of the day and night wondering where he was. He didn’t come home. Neither did he appear on Thursday. Come Friday morning we got a phone call from the social worker to say he’d turned up. ON THURSDAY! No one had bothered to tell us. He said he didn’t want to come back to ours because he was too far away from his girlfriend and because Brad and I had kissed in front of him. This kiss was a peck on the cheek as Brad had done to work!

The social worker wouldn’t tell us why he’d gone so it was left to OUR social worker to do. Due to other things we ended up putting in a complaint about this social worker.

So that was our first foster child. He lasted all of 18 hours!

Thankfully we’ve had many successes since then!

Thanks to Emsbabe for this suggestion…

How I lost my virginity.

This entry might offend some people but I’m sure you know by now I couldn’t give a fuck. I’m gay and yes I have had straight sex but I lost my virginity to a guy so if you might be offended don’t read!

It was the day before my 13th birthday. I already knew I was a gay and was quite happily “out” in front of most people and had no problem with my sexuality. I’d been seeing a guy called Derek who was a year older than me but in the year below me at school. He was in an accident during the summer holidays before he was supposed to start secondary school and ended spending nearly a year in hospital. Apparently he and his parents were given the choice about whether he started his schooling in hospital or was held back a year. They chose to hold him back but come the time he was due to start (in the year above me) he still wasn’t fully recovered and his parents petitioned to keep him back another year, which was granted.

Anyway…

So, it’s the night before my 13th birthday and I’m Derek’s. I’m staying over at his. His parents had given me a small birthday meal that night as my own parents were going to be away for my birthday so I was going to be at my nans and surrounded by extended family instead of friends. That night, while lying in a sleeping bag in Derek’s room, we got to talking about the future. Silly things kids that age talked about like how we’d be millionaires and famous and live in big houses all over the world.

The conversation turned to other friends and boys at school we found attractive and eventually turned to sex. Derek and I had kissed and played with each other but that’s as far as it had gone. I remember commenting about wondering how old I’d be when I lost my virginity and Derek said he hoped it was with him. He was a virgin as well. We’d seen porn videos (straight and gay), read (well looked at the pictures) porn magazines and talked about sex with friends so we had an idea about what we were supposed to do and how to do it. I can remember saying I was a little nervous when in reality I was scared stiff (quite literally it would appear) so Derek said I could “do him” first.

So we did.

A lot of complaining and pushing and shoving later (and various different creams and potions used as lube) and it was over.

I asked him how he felt and he said sore but there was something about it he like. He asked me how I felt and I walked to the open window, lit a cigarette and just grinned and said “I lost my virginity and I’m still 12!” We giggled and fell asleep in each others arms. It was the first time we’d actually slept in the same bed as usually one of us would be on a camp bed (no pun intended!)

We carried on “doin’-it!” at nearly every opportunity we got and swapped between giving and receiving but strangely I was 15 before I had my first oral experience.

Quintopath gave me the suggestion of blogging about favourite music and/or films so here it is.

Films now!

I have great difficulty in coming up with favourite films as I don’t think my favourite film has been made yet. There are loads I love and adore and could watch over and over again but as for one sure fire favourite I don’t think it exists. But… if I was forced into it then it would the film that takes the number one spot on the list below. That would be my all time favourite… if I had to choose!

These are numbered 1 to 10 but they are not in any real order (apart from number one!)

1. Rebecca – The original Alfred Hitchcock version.
2. The 5th Element
3. A bout De Souffle
4. The Sound of Music
5. The Ring – The Japanese one NOT the shite US remake.
6. Spaceballs
7. Blade: Trinity
8. Dune
9. The Birds
10. Phantoms – “Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms!”*

This list could go on and on and on but I’d never get on blogging done as I’d be typing all night!

*10 points and a tube of Smarties if you know where the quote came from. (You’re not allowed to play Brad!)

Quintopath gave me the suggestion of blogging about favourite music and/or films so here it is.

Music first

Erasure are the greatest group in the world and if I was to create a top ten it would be full of their songs so I’m going to leave them out completely in fairness to other artists.

These are numbered 1 to 10 but they are not in any real order.

1. The Killers – Mr. Brightside
2. Over and Over – Hot Chip
3. Honest Mistake – The Bravery
4. 88 Lines bout 44 Woman – They Might Be Giants
5. Africa – Toto
6. Sewn – The Feeling
7. I Kissed A Girl – Jill Sobule
8. Underneath It All – No Doubt
9. Self Control – Laura Brannigan
10. Kodachrome – Paul Simon

This list could go on and on and on but I’d never get on blogging done as I’d be typing all night!

Just testing. As I said I would be in the last post!

Okay I've just read my last post and now I'm worried.

We have rain.

We live on the side of a mountain.

When it rains we have power cuts.

If we have a powercut I can't blog!

Fuck!

Right, gonna test phone blogging just to make sure!

You know I think God is on my side with this Blogathon.

It’s pissing it down which means I have to stay inside!

Bonus!

If anyone has any suggestions of what to blog about please feel free to comment. I’m planning on some more pics, some memes, some more stuff about fostering and some of the kids we’ve had, some info about our pets etc and the new business I’m about to start (as if I don’t have enough going on!) so if there is anything else you can think of then please let me know.

I sometimes get asked why we foster and don’t adopt. Well adoption is something I’ve often thought about but when we first started fostering a same sex couple couldn’t adopt. One of the couple could and the child could then live with both of them but this would leave the other person in the couple with no parental rights at all. This has all changed now but I’m still not sure about adoption. If we adopt then we help one child. If we foster we can help many more. In the few years we’ve been fostering we’ve opened our home up to more than 15 children. That’s far more than if we’d just adopted.

Some come and go and don’t come back, others stay with us for a while and some come at weekends. All this would have to stop if we adopted. We’ve had some difficult kids, some terrors and some fantastic ones who I’d love to have back but even with all the problematic children we’ve had I could never turn any of them away.

Oh I’m all mouth with the social workers saying things like “If you don’t sort these kids out now and get them the help they need then I’m not going to care for them anymore!” but I know, Brad knows and the department know that I could never do it. I couldn’t just close the door on them when I know what they’ve been through, the rejection they’ve suffered, the abuse they’ve seen or been involved in. How could I say no to a child who through no fault of his or her own has suffered some fate that no child should have to go through? Don’t get me wrong, we do have some kids who are in care because THEY are the problem and the parents can’t cope. In these circumstances I can’t blame the parents. When you become a parent you look down at your child and you are instantly in love unconditionally but just by looking at the baby you can’t tell if it’s going to develop ADHD and become a horror. And even when he/she is a horror you still love him/her dearly and try to do your best. I take my hat off to the parents who ask for help when they know they need it and feel for those who are too proud to ask for help.

We also see children who are only in care because both their parents have passed away and they have no other family to go to. No issues, no worries, just children.

Of all the things I’ve done in my life being a foster carer is the thing I’m most proud of. It’s not like becoming a parent because we have certain rules and regulations we have to stick to, such as getting permission from parents to cut hair, we can’t give a sick child medication without a note from the doctor (this includes paracetamol) and the damn stupid rule of “You can’t shout at a child if they are being naughty as it’s classed as verbal abuse!”

Even with these stupid rules we manage, we have each other to bounce off and there are two of us making the decision. I’m proud of Brad for the way he handles the kids and I’m proud of myself for doing something for those who can’t do it for themselves.

So why do we foster? Is it for the money? No, because we don’t get paid. We are volunteers. Is to feel good about myself? I suppose a little but that didn’t come until after we’d started. Is it because I’m gay and want a child of my own? No, there is adoption for that.

To put it simply, we foster because we can.

Thought I'd upload a picture for this entry. THis one makes me laugh and I know it also does something for Brad but obviously I couldn't possibly comment!

So why am I doing this in the first place?

Well to be honest it was Jake Taylor’s fault. I saw on his blog that he was doing it and I thought it was a great idea. To start with I was apprehensive because I didn’t want Jake to feel like I was stepping on his toes but then I realised that if that was the case there would only ever been one person doing any one sponsored event.

The charity I’m supporting through this is Childline. I’ve always had a soft spot for children’s charity and I think Childline is one of the less supported ones yet one of the more needed. They do a lot more than just answering the phone to children in need. One of the other things they do is run a counselling service for children, something that I feel is greatly lacking in today’s society. I’m not saying we all need a shrink or someone professional to talk to but with some of the children I deal with they definitely need counselling. They need someone who is a parent or a foster carer, someone who isn’t a member of the department and someone who isn’t connected with them in anyway. Someone who is a stranger who won’t tell their parents or carers what’s going on? If I try and arrange this through the department I get told it’s not available yet with some of these kids it is one of the most needed therapies.

2.30pm already? Feels like I’ve been blogging for hours yet this is only the second one! This is going to be fun. And hard! I can tell. Expect some complaining along the way!

Well here we go.

I slept... well tried to sleep... until around 1.30pm-ish which hasn't actually helped because I now feel more sleepy and look like shit but this is it. This is the start of the blogathon.

I tried to do a list of things I'd be blogging about but it's just shit so I'll make it up as I go along!

It's all in aid of Childline so it should be worth it. I think it is anyway.

I think this is a fantastic idea and am pissed off that I didn't think of it!

So here goes... Blogging every 30 mins for the next 24 hours!

See you on the other side!

Tooken from that Quintowhatshisname fella...

Mood (s): Apprehensive for the Blogathon tomorrow.
Outfit: Tarton trousers, red "Love God" tee, nowt else.
Shoes: None.
Hair style: Shaved

LAST THING YOU...

Ate: Spanish Omelette that was lahvley
Drank: Black coffee
Sang: Can't Take My Eyes Off You.
Heard: The tevelizshun.

RANDOM QUESTIONS...

Do you collect anything? Dust
Is your room forever messy? No.
What's one of your talents? I'm incredibly good-looking, have a fabulous wit, excellent sense of humour, I use sarcasm well and I'm amazingly modest.
Are you violent? I can be.
How many pushups can you do? Until I want to stop.
Do you read for fun? Not as much as I'd like to.
Do you act your age? Depends on my mood.
Can you dance? Yes.

In nineteen hours I will start the 24 hour blogathon in aid of Childline.

This is why I haven't been blogging much recently. I've been saving up all my blogging energy for tomorrow!

As of 2pm I shall be blogging something every 30 minutes for 24 hours!

I apologise now if I bore you... actually... no, I don't care... if you get bored don't read!

12 days old! I want it now!

Am sick.

"Are there sharks in here?" he asked. I smiled and thought'the mouths of babes'. "No," I said, "the crocodiles ate all the sharks!"

I stole this from Lyndz. I am a thief. Why don't you be a thief as well.

Ok this is quite simple. It is Dinner party time. As with all good hosts/hostesses we have to have an even number, unlike all good hosts/hostesses they do not have to be equal in gender.

The Minimum number is eight.

You are allowed to have

Blog Friends or real friends, 2 or 3 of. The rest of your dinner party is to be made up from people that you would like to have a conversation with from public life; these can be anyone from politics to artists and can be dead or alive. The idea being that just for that one night anyone you admired from history will be alive and sat at your table.

My Dinner Party Guests and reasons

Lyndz – Obviously manners dictate that I would have to return the glorious invitation she extended my way, but, as you know with me manners are something I couldn’t give a fuck about so she’d be invited anyway as she’s my mate!

Andy Spencer – I’ve had some fantastic chats with this blurke. He makes me laugh and he’s sooooo laid back that he’s the only one I can be sure to not get fucked off with me when I get very pissed and start making advances. He’d just say “Paddy, shut the fuck up!” or words to that effect, but maybe a lot politer!

Juzzzy – I need someone who I could be sure would put me in my place when the time came.

Kev Matthews (Tylerandjack) – Someone I could talk films with.

Kev Humphries (Magical) – Someone I could talk to about Canada… and other subjects

Jake & Sarah Taylor – So I can apologise for never using his services and ask her if they really are as love-dup as the blog suggests… and I fear they which makes me insanely jealous even though I know I am as well!

Margaret Thatcher – I get hated because of my adoration for this woman so she would have to be there.

L. Ron Hubbard – For reason I don’t want to explain and shouldn’t have to.

Barbara Woodhouse – I miss her so it would be great to have her back for one night.

Ewan McGregor – Someone I could stare at all night.

Ben Affleck – See above.

Agatha Christie – I’ve read a lot about and by this woman and think she’d be interesting.

Andy Bell – I used to write to him but never post them.

Linda Carter – She is to blame for breaking my arm. I like to repay the favour by poisoning her.

Jesus – In case we ran out of wine.

There you go.

16 guests. You don’t have to do that many but come on, give it a go... who would you have there?

N.B. – There are soooooooooooooooooooooooooo many more people I could invite but mid-way through I got told off* for having too many real/blog friends.

*After the telling off I was told “it’s your party, invite as many as you like” so it wasn’t really a telling off, but I could have gone on and on and on so had to stop somewhere. I’ll have another dinner party another night and invite some more. Like with a house-warming we had a few years ago we’ll have to do this in stages.

P.S. I have included Brad because he would be there already… which makes it uneven but I’m taking into account that someone would say they were busy.

P.P.S. Feel free to steal and use the image.

What a day. One minute I’ve been busy yet the next I’ve been relaxing.

Interesting trip to Tesco.

Stood at the check-out packing up our goods when I holler to Brad, “Brad hurry up with the trolley, I’m running out of room here!”

The recent school leaver shredding a lettuce into coleslaw over the laser scanner looked at me and said “you’re the wife then?”

I thought ‘you cheeky little fuck pig!’ but just grinned and decided to carry on shopping. If I’d have got annoyed I’d have caused and scene and not only made a twat of myself getting camper and camper as I got angrier and angrier.

I also found it slightly funny so didn’t want to appear too offended.

We got outside and Brad said “well look at you flirting with the check-out boy!”

I BLOODY WELL WAS NOT!

Vile thing!

http://www.uncoolcentral.com/six_beers/index.html

From Popbitch...

Darren Hayes married his boyfriend Richard, in a Civil Partnership ceremony in London last month. (So, guess this means he's now "out"?)

Er... even to those who hadn't actually met him was this not glaringly obvious anyway? Before anyone wishes to comment with something like "Der Paddy you twat, they were being sarcastic!" I know that much. What I don't get is why the need for it when he was never in the closet any way.

Home
Does your house have-

A drawer so full of crap that it is hard to open and shut?
Yes. It’s full of take away menus, recipets, batteries, lighters, playing cards and other such crap.

An unnecessarily large number of empty carrier bags inside one another stashed somewhere?
Yes

A nice view?
Spectacular

A room set aside for something you enjoy?
No.

A room set aside for all the crap too big to go in the drawer?
Yes

Something about which you have been saying “I must fix that at the weekend” for over 6 months?
Yes – the pond, the porch, the third bedroom!

Work.
Does your workplace have-

Air-conditioning?
No.

Heating?
Not at the moment

A member of staff on a diet?
Yes

A member of staff with a drink problem?
No.

A member of staff that is universally hated?
Yes

A member of staff that is lusted after by the opposite sex in the office?
Yes

A member of staff lusted after by the same sex workers in the office?
Yes

A jobsworth in blue serge on the front door?
No.

Friends.
Do you have-

A Friend you keep meaning to contact, but never do?
Yes

A friend who should know better yet you keep going and helping them out of the latest crap fest they got themselves into?
Yes

A friend who is a bit of a liability in polite company?
Yes

A friend who keeps making you think-“Why do I still talk to you”?
Yes

A friend who makes you smile, even when they are not there?
Yes

A friend only you can see?
Yes

I hate being so hot.

Although the clothes are drying in an hour!

I have today reached my saturation point in boxers.

I’m so ahead with the washing at the moment that our underwear drawer is over flowing. I’ve had to create another drawer and separate the boxers by type and the ways its going I shall have to separate them again into gym boxers, work boxers, going-out boxers and every day boxers!

I’ve decided to do a dummy run this weekend for the blogathon. Starting 2pm on Saturday I shall blog every thirty minutes.

Please sponsor me… click the link above or to the right. And don’t forget… Jake is doing it as well. Go sponsor him!

I'm too hot.

Far too hot.

I want it to rain.

Well I decided to do as Jake has done and I'm gonna take part in the 2006 Blogathon.

So, you now have two people to sponsor..

Me - Click Here

Or

Jake - Click here

Personally I think you should be sponsoring us both!

Brad: Baby, I’m just nipping to work, do you want anything while I’m out?
Me: Yeah, some bread. Don’t get milk, we’ll get it as and when.

So what does he come back with?

1 x Coke
1 x Coke zero
2 x Frozen chips.
2 x Ice cream
1 x Jaffa Cake variety pack
2 x Sausages
1 x White loaf
1 x Brown loaf
2 x Rolls
1 x Dips
1 x 24pk Walkers Variety

Plus a few other things that I forget right now.

It's too hot!

Way too hot!

And I think I might be pregnant.

Weekends are supposed to start on Friday as it is, as the name would suggest, the week end. So Friday night I basically did nothing but sit and try and work through a few things I’ve got to do.

So come Saturday, the official weekend, and rather than getting a much needed lie in I was rudely awoken by the phone. At 10am. Okay, so 10am isn’t that early (unless you’re Brad!) but it is when you don’t get to sleep until gone 3am and then wake again around 6ish, fall asleep and wake up again around 7ish.

A hungover Denise was on the phone asking me to go and rescue Vicki who’d broken down on the mountain with Hayden. Why is it that when people have a flat tyre they say they’ve broken down? So I get dressed, grabbed the jack and wrench from the car and shot off to help.

Could I help? No. And why not? Was it because I’m one of those girly-gays who can’t change his tyre for fearing of breaking a nail? No. Was it because I’m incredibly weak and couldn’t undo the nuts? No. It was because she had two flat tyres and only one spare. So I could have changed one of them at least. Did I? No! And same again, it wasn’t because of all those reason above. It was because she didn’t have the key to the locking wheel nut. Obviously the best place to keep the key for locking wheel nuts is at home. So putting Hayden in the car (and Vicki) we trapped back to hers only to find Knees still in her jimmy-jams and Freakula complaining about a lack of chocolate. So I call my brother-in-law and ask his advice. He has a spare and he’ll drill the locks outs if we can get the car back to her house. The place he knew of with a flatbed was in Carmel so the call out fee would be a fortune so we rang the car show room next door to the Vic & Knees. Paul, the mechanic, said he’d help and would come and pick her up. They also had a car the same as theirs so they could have that spare and use it until they could get a new one on Monday. Now I’ve heard stories about this Paul before. About how eager he is to help a damsel in distress but how he lacks the knowledge and forethought to be successful in his plans.

Thirty minutes later we were still waiting for Paul but we had found the key to the locking wheel nut amongst a pile of rubbish she’d thrown out the car because she didn’t have a use for it. This included the wrench, the jack, spare fuses and spare bulbs.

So we walked next door to find Paul. He’d already gone. He’d shot up the mountain to the car forgetting to collect Vicki. So we jumped in the car and drove up to join him. There he was sitting on the side of the road, having changed one of the tyres by forcing the lock out of the nut.

Handing him the key he changed the other tyre speedily and said he’s follow her back just to make sure she was okay. He drove off first. Cute but stupid.

So I follow her back, watch her turn off, nip to garage to get some fuel and milk blah blah blah.

That afternoon we worked like bastards in the garden and got the kids helping which they actually seemed to enjoy. Well tow of them did, the other one just stood there chunttering about the size of rats and how he could be having a fag instead. The garden now looks lovely and it’s where I’m sat writing this.

On the evening we dropped the kids off at Dena’s and headed out for a meal with friends. We sat outside all night, drinking and talking and putting the world to rights. They move to France soon to run a ski lodge so it was nice spending some time with them.

Realising it was now really late and the kids were still at Dena’s we headed home.

So today, getting up late again, I said goodbye to the one foster kid as he went off to cadets, we had a lunch of salady things and then went up to the reservoir.

Came back and have sat in the garden since then writing a fucking newsletter that won’t get read and this blog entry.

And here are some pictures that define this weekend for me.

Stole this from Lynda or robbed it from Sminchin who stole if from AJ.

Trivial Pursuit - Is there one thing you don't know that a blogger could answer for you?
Yes

Connect Four - Are there three (non-blog) friends you couldn't live without?
Yes

Monopoly - If you could start your own business, what would it be?
Film Studio

Cluedo - How suspicious are you of people?
Not really.

Scrabble - What's your full name (including middle names) worth in Scrabble? Find out here http://www.solfire.com/scrabble/
28 but have been a 50 and through work I’m a 15.

Risk - What's the biggest risk you've ever taken?
Moving

Frustration - What's your biggest irritation(s)?
Myself

Operation - What's been your worst injury?
An ice hockey incident.

Chess - Which do you trust more, head or heart?
I don’t listen to either.

Game of Life - What one thing would you like to do in life?
Get married.

http://www.nasa.gov/multimedia/nasatv/

From the emails and comments I realise that I’m not going to get any peace until I explain.

So, in that 13 questions meme I stole from AJ who stole if from Timsuzi I said I was afraid of toothbrushes.

Well it’s not so much the toothbrush, it’s what they represent.

I’ve always been like this, it’s not something that developed because of something else.

So what is it about toothbrushes? Well as I said, it’s what they represent.

To be specific my phobia is of the act.

Not doing it but seeing it.

I cannot see anyone brush their teeth and I cannot have anyone see me. I cannot look in a mirror while brushing my teeth so if someone has one above their sink then when I brush my teeth I have to have my head virtually in the sink to be sure I don’t see myself.

I cannot open my mouth at the dentist when I actually manage to go to the dentist. My fear of this whole thing means that I cannot go to a normal dentist, I have to see a dentist that is attached to a psychiatric hospital and I cannot be alone with him.

If I see someone bushes their teeth I feel physically sick. If I see any … ANY … white toothpaste salvia I do vomit. Just thinking/talking about it now makes me feel sick. I can feel a lump in my throat.

When I met Brad this phobia came up in conversation and he laughed it off. As most people do, and as I do when I describe it (to a point!).

Then one day, he chased me around the house with his toothbrush, just playfully, not realising just how deep my phobia was until he saw the look of pure terror and fear on my face. He stopped an apologised.

My ex wasn’t so lucky. All he did was come out the bathroom with his toothbrush in his mouth. He took it out and said something to me and I punched him, knocking him clean out. Looking at my knuckles I saw they were covered in toothpasty-goodness and I threw up practically instantly. Wash my hands and myself then threw some water on him. I apologised, he apologised, we sat there laughing and crying and he wasn’t actually angry with me, which made a change!

So there you have it.

My toothbrush phobia.

Happy now?

I got an Evil Rating of 45 and got the job!

Are you evil enough to get a job too?

A meme stolen from gorgeous AJ who apparently got it from Timsuzi… who ever that is!

1. How do you like to be kissed?
By Brad.

2. If you could visit your 18 year old self what advice would you give them?
You only have six years left.

3. What was the best present that you ever received?
I really don’t know. I want to be soppy and say Brad.

4. What are you most afraid of?
Toothbrushes.

5. What do you most desire?
A marriage proposal.

6. Would you spend the night alone in a haunted room?
Yes and have done on many occasions. Never seen a ghost but did see many spirits

7. Have you ever nearly died?
Yes.

8. Would you be afraid to swim at nigh time?
No.

9. Do you do the right thing even when you hurt yourself?
No.

10. Are you in love?
Very much so.

11. Is sex overrated?
No.

12. Can you keep secrets?
Yes.

13. Did you choose the life you lead?
Yes.

CUNT!

Just spoke to Kev.

It turns out I was right. Very much right.

Kev is marrying Mike.

I’m really pleased for him but it also brings up the usual “always the bridesmaid never the bride” feelings!

Bah!

Oh well. Congrats to Kev. He’s one of those people who you meet and you know straight away that you’re going to get on. He also deserves to be happy. He’s earned it.

CUNT!

In case the boredom should ever strike I’ve come up with this…

http://rapidtales.blog.co.uk

Feel free to pass it on.

The first entry looks something like this… okay so it looks exactly that like but that’s cut and paste for you!

First entry and instructions...

by PaddysBack @ Friday, Jul. 14, 2006 - 13:59:30

As the little description just under the header says, this blog is more a challenge than it is a blog.

All you need to do is leave a comment in this or any other entry. In that comment leave a post title and a specific word. I’ll then write a short piece, approximately 200 words, around that title and using that word at some point in the story. You can have more than one go and all stories will be written in the order they are received.
The story might be funny or serious, it could be deep or even just plan stupid.

Feel free to pass this link on to whoever you want and give me as many shameless plugs are you desire!

I really should just find a design and settle on it.

Go on... try it!

http://www.milaadesign.com/wizardy.html

P.S. Fast-Fic coming soon!

P.P.S. The link - I know hows it's done if anyone is interested!

Spent just over an hour trying to come up with a new design. In the end I got bored so this one is staying up until tomorrow.

Same again... suggestion welcome.

Oh and coming tomorrow... FAST-FIC!

More on that story later.

What is it with my blog designs?

I do one and I’m not happy with it.

Well sometimes I am.

Right now I’m not.

I look and I think “Paddy, you can do better!”

So, expect the design to change again.

Soon… ish

With in the next few hours.

You can blame my brother for this!

Okay, I know I said the blog design would stay up a week but I kind of got bored with it so thought I’d do Fatals request a little earlier.

If you’ve got any suggestions for blog designs please feel free to submit them. I’ve had a few already and already know what the next one will be thanks to AJ. Each design will go up for one week.

Enjoy. I know I am!

I have a friend.
 
I’ve known him years.
 
We only speak about two or three times a year but each time we do it’s as though we speak daily.
 
So today he sends me a text.

Hello u gorgeous stranger! Hows life? Got sum excitin stuff 2 discuss with ya 4 nxt year. Whens best 2 call ya 2morro? Kev x

How lovely you might think. Want to know what I think?

1. HOW DARE HE MAKE ME WAIT?! He knows what I'm like. He knows that with things like this I can't wait and I have to know what it is. I also know it doesn't matter how much I beg him he won't tell me until he calls tomorrow.

2. I think he is getting married. If he is getting married I might have to kill him. Jealous rage will take over and I will rip him to shreads even if I do love the little fucker very much!

CUNT!

So after another night/mid-morning of sleep I got woken by the phone. Not getting to it time the caller left a message and when I played it back it sound like someone singing down the phone to me. It wasn’t. It was foster-kids grandmother asking him to call her back.

I’m up, I make breakfast. Coffee on the go and bread in the toaster, I leave them boiling and toasting as I go and sort the chickens out. I come back to the house with my mind wandering through the myriad of things I have to do for the day; I throw myself in the chair and stick the telly on to see the news headlines. On goes Spiros, Outlook opens up, feed reader opens up, a multitude of chat software opens up and various bleeps and beeps are heard as mail arrives, people chat and I get told that the Java update has failed again.

I check my mail, reply to some, reply to some comments on my blog and then read other blogs via the feed reader. I read about Strato seeing his kids show, Lyndz and her musings, Zeds telling the world about my sms faux pas yesterday and AJ isn’t feeling himself. Maybe he’d like me to do it for him.

Hang on…

Wasn’t I doing something?

Wasn’t I doing something before I started reading blogs? ... Yes I was reading mail… but before that? ... Yes, I was planning my day … yeah but before then? … I was feeing the chickens! … That’s it… I was feeding the chickens!

But…

I’m sure there was something else…

FUCK!! THE TOAST!!

All it took was a slight turn of my head to see the smoking beginning to spiral into the lounge. The dining room resembled something from a fire officers training ground and I couldn’t see anything in the kitchen. The only way I found the toaster was from the warm red glow coming from the bread still in it. We have a gorgeous four slice toaster. Very retro-po-mo chrome* and black affair. Sadly, for the last year or so, the one side has malfunctioned and now fails to pop up. This would be the side I use as I like me toast carcinogenic unlike Brad who likes his toast raw… err… bread! Usually this un-pop-up feature isn’t a problem as I’m usually in the kitchen watching it but today I forgot.

So forcing the toast, or rather thin strips of coal, out of the toaster and chucking them in the sink I open the kitchen window and then hear my phone. Fucking social workers. Running around the house, phone tucked between ear and neck, I try and open every window I can get to and then open the bedroom door to grab the fan. Brad sees the smoke and shits himself. His eyes show thoughts of “should we be evacuating”, “where’s my phone” and “fuck I’m naked and the house is on fire!” As I looked deeper in his eyes I swear I also saw the look of “Paddy, what the fuck have you done? And why are you taking a fan? You fucking moron don’t you know fans help fires they don’t put them out!” He sees my cheeky please-don’t-tell-me-off grin and relaxed a little.

Now, a few hours later, the house smells of toffee and my mind is full of pictures of the night my old mans warehouse when up in flames. I’ve stopped coughing which means it must be time for a fag.

Cunt!

*”You know what they say about a man who likes a bit of chrome in his kitchen… likes a bit of cock up his arse!”

My sleep pattern is totally fucked and I don’t know why.

I’ve cut down my coffee in-take because even I knew I was drinking too much but my sleep pattern is totally out of line now.

It’s not that I’m not sleeping, because I am, but I’m not tired until the early hours and then sleep over when I should be up early.

If I go to bed earlier to try and sleep I just lie there awake wondering why I can’t sleep.

This isn’t something that worries me. My sleep has always been erratic. When I was 14 my brother and I had to spend a week at a sleep clinic having our sleeping assessed as we’d only sleep for two or three hours a night. As time went on it was discovered that if I slept alone I got a few hours and that did me. If I slept (and I do mean just sleep) with someone, either in the same bed or separate beds in the same room, then I got five or six hours.

I’m still getting my five or six hours but I’m getting them at the wrong times.

Let’s face it, its 1.30am as I write this and that’s just not me. Usually I’m in bed by now and complaining to Brad because he’s got the light on and is either reading or wanking!

The smallest noise wakes me up as I’m such a light sleeper. I get that from my mother. She’d hear the taxi pull up outside the house, dropping us off after nights out, run downstairs, grab a pan and be ready behind the door to twat us with it as we came in. And I’m not fucking joking. This stopped as she started having a “purely medicinal” vodka/Benedictine/southern comfort/Tia marie/meths/bleach/Polish pure spirit at the end of every night. During those times we could come in and dance on grandma while playing the bagpipes* and frying the contents of the pond on the barbecue.

I can’t even complain that I’m not getting my sleep, because I am, it’s just the times that have moved.

*While driving back home on Sunday, as we by-passed Brecon, we passed a man, walking along a country lane, playing the bagpipes. Not something you see everyday. I do feel as though I should have stopped and offered him money… or a spittoon and pipe-cleaner.

Well new design up and done.

Doubt it'll stay up long before I get asked to remove it.

Well I've been here over a week now and in that time how many times has my blog design changed?

Zero, zilch, nil, nada, none, never... and all the other words that go with it.

So what does this mean?

It means it's about time for a change...

Suggestions welcome. If anyone remembers my blog form last time and remembers a specific design of mine that they like, let me know and I'll endeavour to put it up for a short while.

My personal favourites were the google and the ask jeeves ones but I'm open to suggestions (Shut up AJ!)

1. Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
Nope.
Female – She is now married to someone I had the odd adventurous night with.
Male – The restraining order won’t let me near him.

2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons?
I would sit looking at them wondering what the fuck I’d do with 1000 plastic spoons!

3. What kind of music did you listen to in primary school?
80’s stuff really.

4. What is the best thing about your job?
I get to sit at home doing fuck all.

5. Do you wish cell phone etiquette was required in public?
No because I’m the worst offender.

6. Where are you going on your next vacation?
Bulgaria

7. Quote a song lyric?
Brain fried tonight through misuse.

8. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
About even.

9. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
Yes

10. If you could be an animal what would you be?
A 40ft long tape worm in Juzzzy’s lower intestine.

11. What was the last conversation/s you had about?
Talking to Brad about our meal out on Saturday.

12. Where do you see yourself in one month?
Where I am right now.

13. What is your favorite smell?
Chicken Fried Rice.

14. What is your favorite sight?
Brad’s smile.

15. Do you consider yourself bi-polar?
No, okay so YES NOW FUCK OFF! But maybe not.

16. Who was the last person you drove with?
Foster-bastard.

17. What was the last thing you bought?
Clothes

18. What are you wearing right now?
Jeans & black Santa Clara tee.

19. What do you use for bookmarks?
The corner of the page if it’s my book, a receipt if it’s not.

20. Have you ever gone camping?
Quite a few times.

21. Your "newest" friend?
Me.

22. Your "oldest" friend?
Ruth or Jason or Matt

23. Best part of the last week?
Too many to name.

24. Worst part of the last week?
Hearing

25. What are your plans for tomorrow?
Writing a newsletter.

26. What was the last time you got really dressed up?
May 31st

27. What is the most expensive thing you've bought recently?
BiUbe

28. Last concert (or show) you attended:
I want to say the panto but I’m sure there has been something else.

29. Coolest thing you've gotten in the post lately:
New phone.

30. Describe your favorite article of clothing:
My red jeans

31. How many CDs do you have by any ONE artist or group?
Fuck knows!

32. Do you subscribe to any magazines?
Not at the moment because I’m pissed off with the glossy range!

33. What was the last thing you created?
A cake.

34. Are you reading any books right now?
Quite a few when I get round to it.

35. Do you remember your favorite book from childhood?
King Solomon’s Mines.

36. What do you do when you can't fall asleep?
Haha!!! There is no way I’m telling anyone that! I once told Sam and she still hasn’t stopped laughing!

37. Have you ever randomly bumped into a actor/actress/or other generally famous person on the street?
Yes.

38. Are there any musical artists that you used to like but don't anymore because their style of music changed too much?
Billy Joel

39. Are there any covers you think are better than the original?
No.

40. What food(s) do you go to the store for ASAP when you run out?
Bread

41. In which country do you wish you'd been born?
This one.

42. Do you like it when old ladies refer to you as "Dear", or "Hon", or "Sugar"?
I don’t mind an old lady calling me dear but would slap her stupid if she called me “hon” or “sugar”.

43. Share random fact about yourself:
I own land somewhere but can’t remember where, how much or where I put the deed.

44. What's the best field trip you ever went on?
Normandy to see the beaches and war graves.

45. Have you ever dressed up for Halloween at work?
Yeppers

46. Do you have any clothes that you pilfered or inherited from your parents?
A couple of shirts of that fat bastard who calls himself my father and some stuff off my lovely mother.

47. What was the last free thing you've gotten?
Chickens

48. What's your favorite black and white movie?
Rebecca.

49. If you have a wall calendar, what kind is it?
A Gwen Stefani one, a Busted one and a Nigel Harman one.

50. If you were to dress up as a musician, which one would you be?
Cher – we have the same figure – which is worrying!

Aww... So cute!

I have been back here just over a week and in that week I’ve gained some of my old friends back, met a few new ones whose blogs I have been reading while away and have had three invitations from people I don’t even know.

My point?

FUCK OFF!

If you’ve never commented on my blog and I’ve never commented on yours why the fuck would I want you as a friend when I don’t even know you? And... if you are going to invite me as a friend when you know damn well I'll not know how you are, then include a little message in your introduction!

If you’re not going to buy me dinner first don’t think you’re sleeping with me!

- Bold all of the following TV shows which you've ever seen 3 or more episodes of in your lifetime.
- Italicize a show if you're positive you've seen every episode of it.
- If you want, add up to 3 additional shows (keep the list in alphabetical order).

24
7th Heaven
Adam-12
Aeon Flux
ALF
Alfred Hitchcock Presents
Alias
American Idol/Pop Idol/Canadian Idol/Australian Idol/etc.
America's Next Top Model/Germany's Next Top Model
Angel
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Arrested Development
Babylon 5
Babylon 5: Crusade
Battlestar Galactica (the old one)
Battlestar Galactica (the new one)
Baywatch
Beavis & Butthead
Beverly Hills 90210
Blackadder
Bonanza
Bones
Bosom Buddies
Boston Public
Boy Meets World
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Bug Juice
Chappelle's Show
Charlie's Angels
Charmed
Cheers
Clarissa Explains It All
Columbo
Commander in Chief
Coupling
Cowboy Bebop
Crossing Jordan
CSI
CSI: Miami
CSI: NY
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Dallas
Dancing with the Stars
Danny Phantom
Dark Angel
Dark Skies
Davinci's Inquest
Dawson's Creek
Dead Like Me
Deadwood
Degrassi: The Next Generation
Designing Women
Desperate Housewives
Dharma & Greg
Diagnosis Murder
Different Strokes
Doctor Who
Dragnet
Due South
Dynasty
Earth 2
Emergency!
Entourage
ER
Even Stevens
Everwood
Everybody Loves Raymond
Facts of Life
Falcon Crest
Family Guy
Family Ties
Farscape
Father Ted
Fawlty Towers
Felicity
Firefly
Flash Forward
Frasier
Friends
Futurama
Get Smart
Gilligan's Island
Gilmore Girls
Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.
Green Wing
Grey's Anatomy
Growing Pains
Gunsmoke
Hannah Montana
Happy Days
Hogan's Heroes
Home Improvement
Homicide: Life on the Street
House
I Dream of Jeannie
I Love Lucy
Instant Star
Inuyasha
Invader Zim
Invasion
Hell's Kitchen
JAG
Jackass
Joey
John Doe
Knotts Landing
LA Law
Laverne and Shirley
Little House on the Prairie
Lizzie McGuire
Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
Lost
Lost in Space
Love, American Style
M*A*S*H
MacGyver
Malcolm in the Middle
Married... With Children
Melrose Place
Miami Vice
Mission: Impossible
Monk
Mork & Mindy
Most Haunted
Murder, She Wrote
Murphy Brown
My Life as a Dog
My Super Sweet 16
My Three Sons
My Two Dads
NCIS
Nip/Tuck
Numb3rs
One Tree Hill
Oz
Perry Mason
Phil of the Future
Pokemon
Power Rangers
Prison Break
Profiler
Project Runway
Quantum Leap
Queer As Folk (US)
Queer as Folk (British)
Red Dwarf
ReGenesis
Remington Steele
Rescue Me
Road Rules
ROME
Roseanne
Roswell
Salute Your Shorts
Sapphire & Steel
Saved by the Bell
Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?
Scrubs
Seinfeld
Sex and the City
Silk Stalkings
Six Feet Under
Sliders
Slings and Arrows
Smallville
Sons & Daugters
So Weird
South of Nowhere
South Park
Spaced
Spongebob Squarepants
Star Trek
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Star Trek: Voyager
Star Trek: Enterprise
Stargate Atlantis
Stargate SG-1
Superman
Supernatural
Surface
Survivor
Taxi
Teen Titans
That 70's Show
That's So Raven
The 4400
The Addams Family
The Andy Griffith Show
The A-Team
The Avengers
The Beverly Hillbillies
The Brady Bunch
The Colbys
The Cosby Show
The Daily Show
The Dead Zone
The Dick Van Dyke Show
The Flintstones
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
The Golden Girls
The Honeymooners
The Jeffersons
The Jetsons
The L Word
The Love Boat
The Mary Tyler Moore Show
The Mighty Boosh
The Monkees
The Munsters
The Mythbusters
The O.C.
The Office (UK)
The Office (US)
The Pretender
The Real World
The Shield
The Simpsons
The Six Million Dollar Man
The Sopranos
The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
The Twilight Zone
The Waltons
The West Wing
The Wonder Years
The X-Files
Third Watch
Three's Company
Top Gear
Treasure Hunt
Twin Peaks
Twitch City
Two and A Half Men
Undeclared
Veronica Mars
Whose Line is it Anyway? (US)
Whose Line is it Anyway? (UK)
Will and Grace
Wings
WKRP in Cincinnati
Young Americans

Let’s get the Big Brother stuff out the way. I actually decided I wasn’t going to talk about Big Brother on my blog other than the first night as they entered the house and the final but I’m getting so pissed off with most of them that I need to get it out my system. Firstly Richard. What the fuck? You are not God, you are not the boss of the fucking house and you are not the tower of gorgeous muscle you seem to think you are. Not only are you as common as shit you’re also annoying as fuck. Dickie? I’d say you’re more of a prick than a dickie. Jayne – Shut the fuck up you dirty dirty tramp! Ash-Leeeene if you didn’t want to vote anyone out then you shouldn’t have. You should have stuck you guns and just said no but you didn’t, you caved and kicked someone out the house next door. Oh my god, you actually played the game! How dare you! Stop fucking crying about it you witch! Nicki – listen her lady, the only way I’m not petitioning for your bottom lip to be nailed to your top is that you are mildly… and I stress mildly entertaining. The crying has to stop though. You can’t have everything your way so deal with it. It’s a fucking game dumb bitch! Oh, and when you eat… CLOSE YOUR MOUTH YOU DIRTY WHORE!!!! I do not want to see your food slipping down your gullet and fucking chew properly woman!

I am never buying Attitude magazine again. Let alone the fucking hypocrite on the letters page, the rest of the twatting magazines is written by cunts in Prada for cunts in Prada. If you’re not in with the in crowd or a regular gym goer or Mr. Gay UK contender then they don’t seem to want you reading. They try to appeal but have a page or two dedicated to a builder and a plumber but this fails. Wahoo, a builder and a plumber, oh thank heavens for normal men! Just like all the other glamour magazines it has an advert on every other page so surely they should be able to give the fucking magazine away for free. Before anyone wants to start on at me, I know the set up costs of a glossy magazine and I know the prospects of an up and coming publication and how long it takes before they get out of the red. And for fucks sake, how many times do I have to hear a straight guy say “I have a lot of gay friends you know!” OH WELL DONE! Does this make you the next gay icon? No it fucking doesn’t! It’s like someone saying “I can’t be racist because I have black friends!” FUCK OFF!!! – but lets not get starting on racism as that appears to be a touchy subject right now.

People people people… if you are driving a car please make sure you’ve passed your driving test. Now this might seem like a stupid request but judging from the drivers I saw over this weekend I’d say 1 in 5 drivers have not passed a driving test of any sort. Stop cutting me up you fuckers. Bumpers are not places to rest your headlights. Roads have speed limits so if I’m not going fast enough for you it means I’m saving you your license so there is no need to show me what you front reg looks like stuck to my rear window. Parking spaces are for one car only. Your car WILL fit. You do not need two.

Cyclists… the law states that if a car is approaching you from behind then you move over and ride in single file. You don’t sit there, next to each, chatting about the journey. If you have headphones in and can’t hear the car then ride in single file just to be safe.

Pedestrians… when you cross the road use the crossing that is 50 yards away, rather then dodging the traffic while dragging your child behind you. I won’t try and run you over then and I’ve run three people over (actually its only 2 but the 3rd I was aiming for!) so don’t think I’m joking.

Bloggers… express your opinion freely. When someone expresses theirs then accept it and debate it. Don’t just go off insulting people because they have different thoughts. Everyone is allowed an opinion and as a very wise woman once told me “challenge the opinion not the person.”

Right, I’m going stop now because I’m feeling my blood boil over quite a few things right now but this lot should be enough to keep be calm.

I feel as thought I should warn you...

I feel a rant coming on...

There are many things in the world starting to piss me off and I'm getting to the point where I might rant about them.

The list includes...

- BB Richard
- BB Nicki
- BB Jayne
- BB Ash-Lean
- Osama Bin Tramp
- Attitude Magazine
- Hacks (Excluding the Zeds and that Strats fella!)
- Foster Bastards
- Mobile Phones
- Drivers
- Father
- The Music Industry
- A myriad of other stuff

Be warned... I may be ranting soon.

So my weekend…

Friday…
- Drive to Birmingham
- Chatting to in-laws
- Chatting to pissed mother
- Finding out we’d forgotten to bring our bag.
- Used 17 sheets of toilet roll.

Saturday…
- Bought new clothes
- Off to see Ami very quickly
- Chatting with the in-laws.
- BBQ at Bevs
- Chatting with Michelle – Convincing her that the shops in Wales sell Pig Milk on the shelves. Get told I’d upset James with a text message. Chatting about days at the NEC. Tell her to come see us in Wales. Holding Sophie as much as possible as she’s lovely.
- Party at the in-laws
- Feeling sick on the bouncy castle
- Chatting with pissed mother who has been at The Lady Captains Ball
- Used approximately 5 sheers of toilet roll

Sunday…
- Lay in
- Chatting with semi-sober mother who spent most of the time slagging off the other women at the Lady Captains ball the night before.
- Arriving for dinner at the in-laws
- Going to A&E with a foster kid.
- Finally getting dinner.
- Driving back
- Collecting animals.
- Going to BBQ.
- I will let you know the toilet roll total when I've had my last dump.

Now sat at home I feel a little pissed yet extremely happy that Italy won the world cup! And I don’t give a flying fuck how racist it might sound but… FUCK YOU FROGGIE CHEATING WANKERS!

Doctors done with, dinner eaten and the weekend nearly done with it's time to drive back to the Welshness of Wales, try and support Italy and attend a barbecue all while completing passport forms and collecting dogs, kittens and chickens.

Having spent far too many hours being a patient and being medically trained I hate hospitals. I hate being spoken down to and I hate waiting. I've been sat in for 20 minutes. Not very long I know but already I can feel my hatred beginning to grow.

Last night was fun. Bouncing with the kids, barbecuing with Bev, finding out about mutual friends and generally having a good time. Off for a HUGE luncheon now and then a meeting about the holiday, then the drive home, another barbecue and the world cup final. COME ON ITALY... I hate Italy for being diving bastards! I hate France more!

[Originally posted somewhere esle.]

I stole this thing from the gorgeous CJ... and he IS gorgeous... I know I've seen the pictures

So what do you remember about your teachers, in one word! Try to think of one word that reminds you of the teacher you had for that subject.

Maths: Itchy (She used to scratch her lady garden through her skirt and then sniff her fingers!)
English: Gay (I owe this guy a lot.)
Drama: Mother (Lovely woman who used to mother me!)
Biology: Funny (Hilarious - once got suspended for telling a naughty joke)
Computer Studies: FREAK! (He had a scrap with the drama teachers husband after he found out they were having an affair. They later married)
Rural Studies: Lanky (Really really tall - Starred in the original Dr. Doolittle)
History: Twat (This guy couldn't teach to save his life and always talked about Crocodile Dundee)
French: Flanders (The spitting image of Ned Flanders)
Religious Education: BITCH! (I FUCKING hated this woman!)
Business Studies: Formal (Always wore a bow tie to class!)
Music: Old (She looked in her 60's but was actually early 30's)
Art: Pregnant (She was my form tutor and art teacher and always seemed to be pregnant)
Woodwork: Knob (I have a funny story about this guy. Read it below)
Chemistry: Shy (This woman went from reproduction to osmosis in one easy step!)
Physics: 5ft4ft (The way he walked... big strides made him go up and down!)
Geography: Asshole (I hated this teacher. VERY much!)
Latin: Tourettes (He would just spout out random latin words and then not tell us what they were!)
General Studies: Slut (We went away for a weekend and this teacher stepped off the coach EVERYONE got a view of her fur!)
Sociology: Lesbian (She looked like Lynn Foulds-Wood and I'm sure she wasn't a lesbian but back then I was sure she was!)
Spanish: Grizzily Adams (HUGE beard!)
Law: Mrs Robinson (Male! Gay! Big big flirt with all the guys... possibly the only reason I passed Law!)

So there you have all my GCSE teachers...

And now for the story...

Okay, so the story about the woodwork teacher... Our woodwork classroom had one of those mobile blackboards in it. The kind where is rolled around two rollers, one at the top and one at the bottom. The teacher used to write work on it at the end of the lesson before ours then when we walked in he would roll it over and say "right you lot of wasters, here's the work, get on with it!" So one day, we found the room open during the break and went it. We adjusted the work, adding some rude words etc and then rolled it back over and jammed an old fashioned wooden board rubber in the top of the rollers. So we wait back outside the class and he arrives and lets us in. He "pretends" to unlock the door obviously not wanting to admit he'd forgotten and lets us all in. We sit down and he turns to face the board. He tried to pull it down but it won't move. So he tries again and still nothing. So with both hands he pulls the board down as hard as he can. The board rubber pops out, flies up in to the air and comes down squarely on the top of his head, knocking him out cold. An ambulance is called, we all get a SEVERE telling off and all of us get detention as the four lads who actually did won't own up. To this day I have never owned up to being one of the four lads and I know three people who read this live journal, who I went to school with, who were also in the class and were not part of the four that will be calling me as soon as they read this and give me a bollocking for them getting detention.

Found the link on RIThompsons blog... hysterical.

Fancy making your own church sign? Go to her blog (CLICK HERE) and follow the links.

Well looks like I'm back to stealing lists again!

1. Choose one word to describe yourself
Gay

2. If you could have a single name for yourself like 'Madonna' or 'Pele' what would it be?
Faggot

3. What is your shoe size?
11

4. How tall are you?
5ft8

5. The most dangerous experience/thing you have ever done?
Nearly being in a plane crash when I was 16.

6. What do you smell like?
Depends on my mood and the time of day.

7. Which colour most suits your mood right this second?
A kinda of grey... am feeling a little sick after bouncing on the bouncy castle.

8. Ever wished for something and got it?
Yes

9. Top 5 things you look for in a man/woman
-Humour
-Honesty
-Nice legs
-Big cock
-Nice family

10. If somebody came up to you right now with a bunch of roses and asked you out on a date, how would you react and what would you do?
I'd probably laugh and tell him/her that I was with Brad and not interested.

Clothes shopping in the morning. Why? Because one of us forgot to put our bag in the car. We have no clothes at all other than what we're stood in. Joy!

I have just finished what is obviously going to be my last poo of today and to answers the question set earlier by Juzzzy I have used precisely 17 sheets of toilet roll today. I hope this entry about an exit I made finds you all well.

Just to let you all know, should you start to worry, I'm nipping away for the weekend. I know that Zeds fella will miss me but such is life. I will of course endeavour to blog at every opportunity so I can try and keep my silent promise to Quinty but alas may be unable to check and/or reply to comments. Love you all in dirty ways x.

"Strats and I are slurping black soup in the pub. Blog it for us? There's a love. Fancy a shaft later?"

Me: Can you have to dog’s tomorrow night?
Mom: What about the cats?
Me: They’re off to the lesbians.
Mom: Can’t they have the dogs.
Me: Yes probably but just in case they can’t can you?
Mom: Well where will you be?
Me: At the party
Mom: Where?
Me: Alan’s birthday party.
Mom: Oh!
Me: So can you?
Mom: No.
Me: Why not?
Mom: It’s the Captains World Cup Final Pre-Match Dinner & Dance at the golf club on Saturday night and your father and I are on the Captains table.
Me: This conversation would have been much quicker if you'd have just answered “no we’re busy” when I first asked!
Mom: Yes but then I wouldn’t have been able to brag about being on the Captains table.
Me: But you can’t stand the Captain.
Mom: We’re still on his table.
Me: So will you be sat next to Ting-Tong?
Mom: No, she’s not on the Captains table like me. She’s somewhere else.
Me: Right. I’ll call you back later I’ve got another call coming in.
Mom: Who is it?
Me: Sam.
Mom: Awww, send her my love.
Me: I will
Mom: And tell her I’m on the Captains table tomorrow night.
Me: She won’t care.
Mom: You just tell her!

Bitch!

Got an email this morning asking to me to join the friends list of another blogger.

The personal message to me was…

---
Because I simply haven’t got any
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How could I say no?

With so many great bloggers out there who tell post blog entries far superior to the tat and crap I blog about, it is seriously quite humbling to see myself at the top spot after only being back three days.

I’m not going to fool myself into thinking I’m that popular but it is nice to be back in the fold, chatting with old friends and annoying the shit out of the Zeds.

In fact I had an interesting conversation with a blogger this morning… obviously their name has been changed to protect his … I want to say innocence but that just doesn’t seem to fit!

Mr. X.: Luckily, blogs are sleeping... welcome back to blog.co.uk!
Paddy: They are?
Mr. X.: They are my end
Paddy: So how come I've just replied to various comments and am sat looking at the home page?
Maybe YOUR blog is sleeping....
Mr. X.: Presumably because you a) a "pro" and b) a cunt, I'd imagine
Paddy: I mean 2 entries... come on, must have been a bit tiring!
Mr. X.: Oh fuck off!
Twatttttttt
Paddy: HAHA!!!!!!
Nice to be back!
Mr. X.: I. Will. Not. Be. Drawn. Into. An. Adolescent. Competition. I. Will. Not....
Paddy: Chuh yeah
Mr. X.: maybe a little bit then
Paddy: See you on the boards then
Mr. X.: absolutely - when my site wakes up! now fuck off and let me do some work

Well you lot I have good news and bad news.

Good news…

Both my test posts worked. I suppose this is really only good news for me but why don’t you all do what you usually do so well and be joyous in my euphoria.

Bad news…

Because those two posts worked it means that I can now blog away from the ‘puter. So there is no reason at all as to why I can’t keep you up-to-date on my daily hourly goings on. I know Fatal will be happy to hear that news anyway. Lets face it, she’s practically lived on my blog since I came back. Thankfully my solicitors have said a restraining order is easy enough to come by if it gets too much.

So guy and gals and those of you who wish to be both, when I’m pissed and in A&E with a bear trap on one ankle and Fatal on the other, you can expect posts and pictures.

Saw this mother fucker at the aquarium the other day. Ugly bastard! Well I thought I'd use it as a test post.

Just testing.

*snigger*

I hate this saggy-titted old hippie so thought I'd fuck about with her picture! A little bored am I?

I don’t care if it makes me a geek or whatever the current hip word is but I’ve just watched the Space Shuttle Discovery dock with the ISS. To me an amazing site.

I once wrote to various agencies asking how I go about becoming an astronaut as it was something that REALLY interested me and can you imagine how fantastic my blog would be if I was an astronaut flying the shuttle rather than a foster carer driving a Mondeo!

I love the idea of space and going in to it. I don’t believe it’s the final frontier as I think there are other states of being we’ve yet to discover but it is the last great place where explorers actually have something to do and somewhere to go.

How I’d love to be 220 statute miles above the earth flying the Shuttle Discovery.

Go watch the Shuttle live!

http://www.nasa.gov/multimedia/nasatv/

What is it with blogging?

My comment conversations have gone from celery to politics, yet they all seem to fit in nicely. I’m discussing love and laptop envy and nothing seems out of place.

Where in the world could you have this kind of conversation?

And in what fucking world would I make the number two spot on the top twenty within 48 hours of my return? What the fuck is wrong with you lot? I mean I’m honoured and all that but really? I knew a couple of people would be pleased at my return because speaking to them over the last few weeks/months they’ve said they’d like me to come back. It’s nice to think I was missed and then so many people have sent little welcome back messages but really what is it about me?

I do nothing rant, I piss people off, I come out with comments that highly offensive yet still you return.

I’m quite sure this will die down when you’ve all come along and taken the one obligatory look at the blog then the profile but in the meantime do me one favour…

When you’ve done the question of the day set by the delovely Mr.G please answer my question…

Why am I number 2? (For the likes of Mr. Pitt the question will read “why am I not number one?”)

Twenty-four hours and I have ten profile tags already. Nice.

big fag - Was it not obvious? Did I need a tag?
cock juggling thunder cunt - Aww you remembered!
fag - See Big Fag
film buff - More than
has the clap - I do not! How very dare you!
He-s back and he-s bad- - I’m not bad. Well I can be.
is secretly jason orange - How did you find out?
is welsh - Jake, I am not!
shaves his legs - Doesn’t everyone?
twat - Ha!

So I was meaning to see Sin City when it first came out but due to one thing or another I never did. I waisted a good few hours watching it tonight.

Basin City, full of criminals, including the cops, taken from stories by Frank Miller should be entertaining. It’s not. Far from it. The acting is piss-poor, even from Clive Owen who I usually like! I think he should stick to the stage now. It seems to be his forte.

It’s also quite obvious that Miller didn’t have much to do with the direction and Robert Rodriguez had it all his own way. Trying desperately to be film-noir but turning into film-brun.

I found a few tag lines for it but thought I’d give you the real meaning of each one.

Walk down the right back alley in Sin City and you can find anything.
- - Apart from acting

She smells like angels ought to smell.
- - Like chicken!

Hell of a way to end a partnership
- - Miller and Rodriguez will never work again

Skinny little Nancy Callahan. She grew up. She filled out.
- - She got ruined by Jessica Alba

You're gonna love this, baby.
- - No you’re not.

Do I take this cop down and risk it all?
- - Not worth the risk

There is no justice without sin.
- - There was no justice!

Is there a new feature where you can tag other bloggers posts? How did I get the tag “squid molester?” Very strange! The squid posts

My head aches, my hands ache, my feet ache and my back aches! Chickens have made me old. Now, six chickens with no names is not good. They need names. Suggestions please... I was going to name them after bloggers and may still do but I’m still open to suggestions. Come on… get thinking!

Not even twenty four hours and I reach number nine!

Not bad.

I’m eagerly awaiting an email from Mr. Pitt. Oh please please please let him email me telling me how nasty I am just for getting into the top 10.

Because yes people, I only live for getting in the top ten bloggers. It is my only reason for waking in the morning and going cold turkey all these months and seeing the likes of Zeds and Mr.G and Helly and Jake and Lyndz and Old-Niq and that Strato fella and the millions of others all sitting in the number one spot at some point has really been upsetting. I wake in the morning and plan my day around blogging. I spend every waking hour thinking of something to blog just so I can get to number one.

See, even this blog entry, which is really just a personal rant and means nothing to anyone but me, is a poor attempt at finding an excuse to write a blog entry and show everyone what a blog-whore I am. Really I’m just trying to fill up the void of missed entries from the months gone by.

Here’s hoping I don’t get to number one! I’d hate to see another certain blogger upset at the loss of yet another family member or close friend who conveniently shuffles free this mortal coil just as that bloggers (notice the lack of gender) position in the hell-damned “Top Twenty” slips past twenty-one. Seriously though, what bad luck that must be. Maybe they aren’t forwarding on those emails that say “your friends will die if you don’t read this poem then forward it on to EVERYONE in you address book!” God reads your emails you know! Be warned!

Anyone else ever noticed that lovely little word hiding underneath the blog.co.uk logo. I noticed it back in March (or was it February) of last year when I first joined the site but at the time they considered me a founder member so I thought nothing of it, but over a year on and it's still there. Why? Isn't it about time we had a working version? Beta /bay't*/, /be't*/ or (Commonwealth) /bee't*/ n. 1. Mostly working, but still under test; usu. used with `in': `in beta'. In the Real World, systems (hardware or software) software often go through two stages of release testing: Alpha (in-house) and Beta (out-house?). Beta releases are generally made to a group of lucky (or unlucky) trusted customers. 2. Anything that is new and experimental. "His girlfriend is in beta" means that he is still testing for compatibility and reserving judgment. 3. Flaky; dubious; suspect (since beta software is notoriously buggy). Historical note: More formally, to beta-test is to test a pre-release (potentially unreliable) version of a piece of software by making it available to selected (or self-selected) customers and users. This term derives from early 1960s terminology for product cycle checkpoints, first used at IBM but later standard throughout the industry. `Alpha Test' was the unit, module, or component test phase; `Beta Test' was initial system test. These themselves came from earlier A- and B-tests for hardware. The A-test was a feasibility and manufacturability evaluation done before any commitment to design and development. The B-test was a demonstration that the engineering model functioned as specified. The C-test (corresponding to today's beta) was the B-test performed on early samples of the production design, and the D test was the C test repeated after the model had been in production a while. Thanks to Dictionary.com for that cut & paste definition of Beta. (See, some of us actually credit our cut & pastes and don't try and fob them off as our own work like some other fuckers do!)

I wonder how long it'll be before some fucker wants to have moan because my blog title appears that I'm proud to be gay but don'